In Your Eyes
by here4rizzles
Summary: Rizzles AU. Officer Jane Rizzoli rescues Maura Isles and her daughter from an abusive husband and father.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N I watched the movie Play Dead (not a great movie, the only good thing about it is Sasha) and it inspired this._

 _Trigger warning for domestic violence. Please let me know if you would like to read more of this! It was meant to be a (somewhat long) oneshot, but the story gets to me so I might continue it._

The ground is cold and hard. My back hurts, my muscles are stiff and I haven't felt my feet in days because they are so cold. The only source of light is the small opening in the planking just above my head, but the wind seems to get through every single crack of the small shed.

I should have never talked back to him. I should've agreed with him, like I always do. I did this to myself. I knew this is what would happen. It's what always happens. I pull my knees up to my chest, wrapping the small blanket tighter around myself. It has lost all its warmth. I can't stop myself from shivering. I know shivering is my body's way to keep me warm, but it's useless. Every single inch of me is freezing.

This is where he puts me when I disobey him. This is what I knew would happen if I told him to stop yelling at Abby. My Abby. My beautiful little Abby. I feel tears burning in my eyes when I think about her, her strawberry blond hair just like mine, her always sparkling green eyes and her sweet smile. I don't allow my tears to fall. I can't. If I do, I'll never stop. I can't think about how she is with him right now. If I do, I'll break. I used to believe he would never hurt her. But I'm not so sure anymore. The older she gets, the more she gets her own opinion. She realizes what's happening and she speaks her mind. He doesn't like that. She's ten years old and slowly becoming a young girl that makes up her own mind. He doesn't like it when his girls make up their own minds. He wants to be the one that makes the rules.

I used to be successful. I used to be someone. I used to have a career, a passion and a future. All of that is gone. My medical degree is worth nothing anymore. My experience as a trauma surgeon seems gone. There's nothing left of the classy, put-together, professional woman I once was. All I am is a hollow shell that belongs to him.

"Mom…"

I hear Abby's clear voice calling me and I quickly stand up to see her moving the lid away from the hole in the locked door. I look into her green eyes and I see sadness in them. "Hi, baby."

"When are you gonna come out?"

I manage a small smile. I wish I knew. "I don't know, baby. Soon."

"Daddy's mad," she whispers quietly.

My heart drops to my stomach. That's a terribly bad sign. "What happened? Did he hurt you?"

"No. There was a police officer."

I swallow hard as fear burns in my chest. "The police?"

Abby nods. "She's gonna get you out."

"She? Who?"

"The police. Her name's Jane. She's gonna get you out."

I smile a sad smile. I've heard this before. Many, many times. But I know that Jane, whoever she is, won't get me out of the mess that is my life. No one can. He's too smart. He's too good at lying. "Go back inside, baby. Go get warm."

Abby pulls her purple scarf higher around her neck. She shakes her head. "You don't believe me," she whispers so softly I can barely hear her.

"Of course I do, honey." I smile at my daughter but my bones are freezing and I'm in pain. I know she can tell I am. She knows I don't believe her. She's too smart to fool.

"She's gonna get you out, Mommy."

I nod. "Okay."

She smiles at me and turns around, but I stop her. "Abby."

"Yeah?"

"I love you." 

She looks at me with those sparkling green eyes I love so much and she smiles. "Love you too."

I watch her walk away and I feel my knees buckling beneath me as I slide back onto the floor. I feel myself curling up in a ball while my cheeks are suddenly warm with my tears. It's too late. I'm crying and I can't stop. I cry myself to sleep and I'm grateful for the delicious state of unconsciousness. I welcome it with open arms.

"No! You have to get her out! You're CRAZY!"

I wake up from the sound of loud screams coming from outside and I immediately feel my senses turning into overdrive. I shoot up, feeling the pain in my muscles and bones from the hard ground I've been sleeping on. I ignore it. Abby.

"Get Mom out!" Abby yells, sounding furious. "The police are gonna find you! I know it!"

I cringe when I hear his voice. "You don't know shit."

"Let her out!"

"Shut up!" His voice is soft but urgent.

I stand up and try to look through the cracks in the shed, but all I can see is some shadows in the late afternoon light. I want to tell Abby to stop yelling. I want to tell her to keep quiet; otherwise he'll hurt her. But I stay silent. If I do, he'll take his anger out on Abby.

"LET HER OUT!" Abby's shrieks pierce right through my heart. "I WANT MOM!"

"Shut up, little bitch!" he growls at her. "The whole neighborhood can hear you!"

I hear a slap and I can't help myself. "No!" I scream, crawling at the wood of the door that I know is tightly locked. "Don't touch her!"

"Shut up!"

Another slap.

"No!" I cry out, tears streaming down my face. "Just take me! Don't hurt her, please! Please!"

"Y'know what?" he says, his voice dangerously calm. It's the worst when he's calm. He knows exactly what he's doing. He's completely rational. "You want your mommy, you can get your mommy."

I hear the lock clanking against the door and before I know it, I'm blinded by the light outside of the shed. I feel his foot landing in my stomach, pushing all the air out of my lungs while I hear a whimper coming from my daughter.

In a flash, the door is closed and locked and Abby sits on her knees in front of me. I regain my breath and crawl towards my little girl, cupping her face in my hands. She looks up at me and I meet with large green eyes that are shimmering with tears of fear. The left side of her face is bruised and I see a scratch on her forehead that is bleeding slightly.

I take her into my arms and I feel a little more complete. I feel her arms wrapping around my neck where she clings tightly and I squeeze her as close as humanly possible. "You shouldn't have done that, baby," I whisper into her now messy golden hair. "You should've listened to him."

"He locked you up, Mommy," Abby answers quietly. "I wanted you."

I fail to hold back my tears. "Oh baby, I want you too. But you still shouldn't talk back to him. You know that. Now you'll be in here for who knows how long."

Abby shrugs. "I'm with you."

A tiny sob escapes my body as I pull my girl even closer. She has such a fear of being away from me. She hates school because I'm too far away for her. When he locks me in here, life is hell for her. She can't be without me and I know that's not how things are supposed to be. But then again, nothing is. Abby is supposed to be a happy ten-year old, doing well in school, making friends and growing up. Instead she is shy, quiet and she keeps to herself. She's failing at most classes and she's lonely because the kids don't want to play with her. Yes, I'm sad that I'm not the woman I was before him. But this is way worse. I want everything for my daughter and I can't give her anything. All I want for her is to be happy and safe. She is neither of those. She's not happy. She's not safe. Not with him.

Sometimes I dream of a different life. A life where I'm not afraid, where I'm not a coward. A life where I have the courage to leave him. Where I run away with Abby and start a new life far, far away from here. Where Abby can be happy and carefree. Where she can make friends, play outside and be away from her mother like a normal child. But I always cut my dreams short. They're just dreams.

"Mommy," Abby says softly, shaking against me in just a thin sweater, a skirt and leggings, "I'm cold."

I don't think about it and take off my sweater, leaving me shivering in a thin long-sleeved shirt. I pull the sweater over Abby's head and take the girl back into my arms, sitting uncomfortably against the wall of the shed. I'm shivering uncontrollably but Abby is more important.

"Why can't you kick the door in, Mom?" Abby asks me while she shifts in my lap to snuggle her small body into my arms. "Or knock something out?"

"I'm not strong enough for that, baby," I whisper quietly. "And if I were, he would be very angry."

Abby sighs and I see on her young face that she understands. "You're a fast runner, Mommy. And I am too."

I don't want to tell her about the guns he has. Or the motorcycle he has, the bike or the ability to run way faster than me. She's already too afraid. "It's too risky," I reply in a soft whisper. "I'm sorry, honey."

She nods. I look at her and trace her freckled cheek with my fingers. She's a splitting image of me. Except that she's way more beautiful. She has his nose and slightly sharper cheekbones, but other than that, I see myself when I look at her. I smile when she looks up into my eyes and I press a kiss to her forehead. She's my everything. I would give my life for her. Everything I have, and everything I am is hers. Forever. I stroke her freckled nose with the back of my finger and she smiles a sad smile.

"Mom," she asks softly, "why can't we run away?"

I sigh deeply, gently stroking her cold cheek. "He'll find us," I whisper. That's not the real answer. The real answer is that I'm afraid. I'm too scared of what he'll do to me. To us.

"We can go really far." Abby looks up at me with innocent eyes as tears continue to tickle down my cheeks.

I brush her hair back and press my lips to her forehead without answering at first. When I pull back, I sigh deeply. "I wish I could. I would take you to the most beautiful places on earth, far away from here."

"Where?"

I smile at my beautiful girl and brush my hand through her hair. "Paris. Rome. Or even just the beach where I used to come often. I'd take you anywhere, baby."

"Have I ever been to the beach, Mom?" Abby asks as she rests her head back against my chest.

"Yes, when you were very little. We went there in the summer. You loved it."

"How old was I?"

I purse my lips and think back to that time when everything was still like it was supposed to be. Abby was a cheerful three-year old and we were happily married. He was a good husband. It wasn't until Abby was five and he lost is job that it all went wrong. "You were three, I think."

"I don't remember…" Abby's small hands play with my sweater that she is wearing and I see that her lips are blue from the cold. I pull her closer to try and get her warm, but I am so cold myself it's no use.

"You had a great time," I whisper, "it was a very warm day and we went swimming together. You found a dried-up seahorse. You took it with you and kept in in your room."

"Really?" Abby's face lights up. In these moments, she's my little girl again. She loves animals and she loves learning new things about them. "Where is it now? It's not there anymore…"

I sigh deeply and rest my chin on top of her head. "He threw it away when he was mad at you."

"Oh… When?"

"It was two days after your sixth birthday," I whisper, not wanting to tell this story but knowing she has the right to know. "You had to clean your room but you didn't because you got caught up in playing in the yard. He got mad at you."

Suddenly Abby's eyes widen. "I remember," she says quietly. "He threw lots of my toys out and then you got angry for that and then he hit you."

I nod, tears burning in my eyes. It was the first time she ever saw him hurting me. I know she will never forget it. "Yes."

"Mom," Abby lifts her head and looks at me, "that police officer… She's gonna help us. I know it."

I gently cup her cheek. "I hope so, baby."

"She is, Mommy!" Abby's voice turns to desperation and I see tears in her eyes. "She pinky promised."

"She did?" A tear trickles down my cheek as I gently wipe hers. "Who is she? How did you meet her?"

"Mr. Gerard called the police when he put you in here," Addy explained quietly. "She came and he got mad at her, but she took me outside to talk and I liked her so I told her everything."

I smile at my brave little girl. "What did she say?"

"She said she's gonna help us. She pinky promised."

"Well, that's a promise she can't break." I smile a sad smile. She's so hopeful. Maybe, just maybe…. This time will be different.

"Shh, keep quiet, baby," I whisper into golden blond hair.

Abby looks at me with fearful, sleepy eyes, having just woken up from a restless sleep. "What's happening?"

"The police are here."

"They're gonna save us!"

"Shh!" I place my hand over Abby's mouth. Tears burn in my eyes as I scoot towards the very right corner of the small shed. "We have to keep quiet, baby."

"Mommy, please," Abby cries as she looks into my eyes, "they're gonna help us."

I shake my head, crying softly. "No, honey. They're going to talk to him and he'll say everything is fine and they'll go away. And if we make a sound, he's going to be so mad at us."

Abby shakes her head, her blond hair waving around her face. "I know it, Mommy. Please. She pinky promised. Jane promised!"

I pull her to me as tears continue to trickle down my cheeks. She won't save us. So many people have tried. So many people have failed. "I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry."

Abby just sniffles and hides her face into my chest. "Please, Mommy."

I press my lips against her head and close my eyes. "I love you so much, baby. So, so very much. You're my everything. I _have_ to keep you safe. I'll do anything to keep you safe."

"Even…" Abby sighs. "Even run away?"

I don't answer. I can't answer. I just trace her freckled cheek with my hand and kiss the top of her head.

Suddenly we hear the voices from inside getting closer and I put my hand over Abby's mouth as we hear people getting into a car, the car driving away. It's too late.

My daughter is shaking in my arms as everything slowly goes quiet, except for heavy footsteps. I hold my breath and I know what's coming. He unlocks the heavy lock and opens the door. It's completely dark outside and I can barely see his face but I know what's there. He's mad. Beyond mad.

"Get out, you little bitches!" He grabs Abby and I squeal.

"NO! Not her!"

He takes me instead, roughly pulling me up by my hair, out of the shed. Abby follows quickly, afraid to be alone. He shoves me onto the ground and kicks my stomach. I feel my ribs bruising and I curl up into a ball, looking at Abby through all of it.

"HEY!" A low, husky, female voice calls through the night. "Let her go!"

No, no, no. What did you do? Whoever you are. You're so stupid. Didn't you see the gun attached to his belt? Don't you see the way he's lost control? He'll kill you! It's too late. He lets go of me and reaches for his gun.

In a flash, I hear a loud thumb and I feel his body landing next to me on the ground, a lean female body on top of him. I crawl towards Abby and quickly pull her to me. My heart is banging in my ears, my chest is burning with fear.

"GO!" the woman yells at us. "Run!"

I can't move. I'm paralyzed. I'm stuck to the ground. My muscles are stiff, my bones are aching. I feel Abby tugging on my arm but I can't move. I don't have anywhere to go. Run? Where? How?

"Mom…"

I see them engaged in a hard fight, he is trying to get away but the woman seems strong. He's kicking her but she punches him in the face and shoves him to the ground. She's strong. She doesn't back away.

"Mom!"

I look at my girl and make up my mind. I somehow manage to get off the ground, take her hand and start running. I don't know in which direction, I don't know where. I just run. Abby's short legs have trouble keeping up and I feel her crying next to me.

"Come on, baby," I'm panting. "Come on!"

My muscles are burning. My legs are giving out. I haven't moved in days. My heart is beating in my chest, cold sweat is making my shirt stick to my back. We run into the night and I don't see where we're going but I know we're going away from him. That's all that matters.

After a while, Abby's legs give out. She falls onto her knees and cries out for me. "Mommy!"

I pull her up from the ground, trying to carry her in my arms but I'm too weak. I sink to the ground and just pull her into my arms at the side of the road. She clings to me, panting, crying and whimpering. "W-what if h-he comes?"

"We'll run," I whisper into her hair. "We'll run." Finally we'll run. I say it and I mean it. I want to get out of here, I want to get away. I need to keep Abby safe. I need to keep us safe.

There are no cars on this road. I don't know what time it is, but I know it's somewhere after midnight, probably. I feel Abby's exhaustion as her body goes completely limp in my arms. I look over her head for a way to go, but I can't figure out anything. I don't have anywhere to go. My parents stopped looking after me when I went to college. They're somewhere in Europe, probably. I don't have any brothers or sisters. I don't have any friends. All I have is Abby.

"I'm scared, Mommy," Abby whispers into my chest. "Where's the police?"

"I don't know, baby. I don't know."

Suddenly we hear a car coming and I unconsciously hide into the bushes on the side of the road, but the car slows down when it approaches us. They've seen us. It's over.

The car stops. I pull Abby even closer into my arms, trying to hide her behind my body. A door opens. Footsteps. They slow down. I back away, trying to hide. It's too late to run. I search the ground for something sharp, something to hurt him. My hand finds some kind of heavy stone. I grab it, ready to defend my little girl.

When I expect his harsh voice and rough hands, I hear that same raspy, female voice. "Abby?" she calls out and I feel Abby stirring in my arms.

"No, baby," I whisper, barely audible. "Keep quiet."

Abby shakes her head. "Jane?"

I cringe. It's too late. She gave us away.

The woman walks into the bushes and sees us. She carefully approaches us, kneeling to get to our eyelevel. "My name's Jane Rizzoli, I'm with the police," she says quietly, her voice soft and caring. "You're safe with me."

I can only stare at her in fear. In the dark of the night, I see a mane of dark, unruly curls framing a face with sharp features and deep, brown eyes. She reaches out her hand for me but I back away. I can't trust her. Can I? I clutch the stone in my hand, unsure of what to do.

"You're safe with me, I promise," she continues quietly. "He can't hurt you anymore."

I can't speak or move. I feel Abby hesitating in my arms, waiting to follow me in whatever I will do.

"You seem so cold," Jane whispers, looking at the two of us shivering on the cold ground. She takes off her warm coat, revealing a dark blazer with a light T-shirt underneath. She carefully hands the coat to me.

I hesitate at first, but when I feel a violent shiver run down my spine, I drop the stone and take the coat. My hand briefly brushes hers. She's warm. I pull the coat around my shoulders and immediately wrap my arms back around Abby, any loss of contact making me feel unsafe and vulnerable.

"It's okay," Jane says softly. "Remember how I promised I was gonna help you, Abby?"

Abby nods.

"That promise still counts. I'm gonna help you and your mom. You can trust me."

Suddenly I find my voice again. "How did you find us?"

Jane smiles slightly at hearing the sound of my voice for the first time. "Not my first time in these kind of cases."

I don't like that answer. We're just a number in the stack of cases she's working on. She doesn't care. She's just doing her job. "Leave us alone," I say to her. "We can take care of ourselves."

"I just want to help." Jane holds up her hands and I faintly see an angry, red scar in her palm, lit up by the headlights of her car. "That's all. You just need to get warm and eat something."

She is right about that. We haven't eaten more than a few pieces of bread in the past few days and we're starved, cold and exhausted. "Where will you take us?" I'm not going to the police department. I'm not going there again.

"My place. It's not too far from here."

"I don't know you."

Jane shrugs and smiles a warm smile. "I don't know you either."

"You could be a serial killer."

"I like to believe in people." Jane tilts her head. "And besides, what are the chances we're both serial killers?"

That makes Abby chuckle and I feel tears in my eyes at the sound of it. I press my lips against the side of her head, keeping my eyes on the stranger in front of us. "Mommy," Abby lifts her head and I feel her nuzzling her nose into my hair while she whispers in my ear, "let's go with her."

"I don't know, baby." I look at the police officer that is still smiling friendly at us.

"I'm so cold, Mom," she cries into my hair and strengthens her tight grip on me.

I don't have a choice. We can't keep on walking in the middle of the night, with nowhere to go. I don't want to go with this woman I don't know, but we don't have a choice. I sigh deeply and nod. "Okay."

Jane smiles and reaches out her hand for us, but I refuse. I help Abby up from the ground, taking her hand in mine as we follow Jane to her car. She holds open the front door for me after she opens the back door for Abby, but I shake my head when I feel Abby tensing up next to me. "We stay together."

"Okay." Jane nods in understanding and closes the passenger door, guiding us into the backseat.

I hesitate for a moment but when I feel the warmth of the heat in the car, I make up my mind and slide into the backseat, taking Abby with me to sit closely next to me. Jane gets behind the wheel and pulls the car into drive.

"Is this part of your job?" I ask her.

"Not really." Jane shakes her head and takes a turn left. "Technically, my job's over."

"What uhm…" I don't want to, but I have to ask these questions. I stroke my hand through Abby's soft hair as I pull her to me. "What happened to him?"

Jane sighs deeply and I see her hesitating, but she answers after a few moments of silence. "He took a shot at me, so I shot him in the leg. Arrested him after that. They're taking him to jail."

"They?"

"My partner and a few other colleagues."

He's in jail. He's gone. Somehow, I don't believe it. He'll talk his way out of it. He'll make bail with my money. He'll get a good lawyer and he'll get out. I know he will.

"Is Dad in prison?" Abby asks, her small hand resting on my leg.

"Yes, he is."

"And he'll be in there for a while," Jane adds quietly as she turns the car into a quiet neighborhood. The world is sleeping and everything is dark.

"So he can't hurt us anymore…" Abby whispers.

"No, he can't." Jane looks at us in the rearview mirror and she smiles. It's the first time I notice that her smile is quite beautiful.

She stops the car in front of a small but cozy looking apartment and she offers a hand to help us out, but I refuse again. I help Abby out of the backseat before stepping out myself, tightly holding Abby's hand as she shivers in the cold winter air.

Jane's apartment is nice. It feels like a home. Not my home, but a home. We walk into the door and stand awkwardly by the door as Jane hurries to turn on the lights and clear up some stuff. "Let me turn up the heat."

I feel Abby standing closely to my side and her head rests against my side as I wrap my arm around her skinny shoulders. I smile a reassuring smile. "It's going to be okay, baby," I whisper to her. "We're safe here."

I don't know if I'm trying to convince her or myself. But, if Jane wanted to hurt us, she probably already would have. Maybe we are safe with her. "You want something to drink? I have coke, uhm… Beer… Coffee…" she roams through her cabinet, looking flustered and hasted. "Tea? You seem like someone that likes tea."

"Tea would be lovely, thank you."

Jane nods. "Tea it is. Abby?"

Abby stays quiet and shifts closer to me. I thread my hand into her hair, pulling her comfortingly close. "Do you have any milk, maybe?" I ask.

"Yeah!" Jane hurries towards her fridge, seeming happy to help out in any way she can. "Should I warm it up?"

I look at my daughter and stroke her cheek. "Warm milk?"

Abby nods. "Yes, please."

I smile and pull her tighter to me, wanting her as close as possible in this unfamiliar and possibly unsafe world.

Jane starts to boil some water and heats up a cup of milk in the microwave before she turns back to us. "Let me get you some warm clothes."

"Oh, that's okay."

"You're freezing, I have something warm. Hold on."

Before I can protest, she's out of the room. I kneel in front of my daughter and look into her eyes, smiling nervously when I cup her cheek. "You were right about her, baby. She got us out."

Abby shrugs. "She's a good police officer."

"Yes, she is." I lean forward and press my lips against the girl's sweaty, cold forehead.

"I don't think I have something that will fit Abby, but it's warm." Jane enters the room and hands us two warm sweaters, a pair of sweatpants and two pairs of woolen socks.

I smile politely as I take the clothes. I can't wait to get out of my sweaty, freezing cold outfit. She points us to a bedroom next to the kitchen and I take Abby there with me, hearing the microwave beeping as we enter the room.

"Let's get you out of these, baby." I pull my sweater over Abby's head. It has lost all its warmth, cold with sweat. I pull her shirt off and quickly pick the smallest sweater Jane gave us. I help her put it on and roll up the sleeves since it's way too big.

"It's so big," Abby chuckles.

I smile at her. "It is. But it's warm." I unbutton her skirt and help her take it off, leaving her in dark leggings and the big sweater. I hand her a pair of warm socks to put on and get changed myself, putting on the sweatpants, sweater and a pair of socks as well. I shiver from the warmth it gets me, goose bumps raising on my entire body.

"I like her, Mom," Abby say softly.

I sigh and brush my hand through Abby's strawberry blond hair. I don't like to admit it, but I like her too. I feel safe with her. "Me too."

"Are we gonna stay here?"

"I don't know, baby." I cup her face and place a kiss on her cheek. "Let's get started on that warm milk, okay?"

She smiles at me. I know how much she loves to drink it before she goes to sleep, before we go upstairs to brush her teeth and read a bedtime story. Some days, it was still like that. Some days he was quiet and at ease and we were allowed to have our bedtime ritual. But most days, things were rushed and hurried. She doesn't get the love and attention she deserves.

I kiss Abby's forehead and take her hand, leading her out of the room and back into the living room. Jane is waiting for us and I see her fumbling with the hem of the hoodie she put on. We make her nervous too. It makes me feel more at ease.

She smiles at us when we enter the living room and for the first time I notice how beautiful she really is. I look into her eyes and smile when she hands me a steaming mug of hot tea. Those eyes. They seem to run endlessly deep, that's how dark they are. Yet they are loving and caring.

I pull my eyes away from her. My feelings make me uncomfortable. "Thank you."

Jane hands Abby the milk and Abby eagerly takes it, immediately wrapping her cold hands around the warm cup. She sips the liquid and looks up at Jane with those sparkling green eyes that make my eyes water. "What do you say, baby?" I ask her softly.

"Thank you."

Jane chuckles. "You're welcome." She gestures towards the couch. "Have a seat."

I take Abby with me as we sit down on the old couch, still a little uncomfortable. Abby notices a dog bed in the corner of the room. "Do you have a dog?"

"Yeah." Jane smiles and sits down on a chair opposite of the couch. "Her name's Joe Friday."

Abby's face lights up. "I love dogs," she says softly.

"I wish she was here but my brother's watching her right now."

Abby shrugs and shifts back on the couch, closer against my side. "'S okay."

I'm still sitting up straight, scanning my surroundings every second. Jane senses my discomfort and tries to start a conversation. "So uhm… I know your name's Maura Isles but… that's pretty much it."

I just look at her. She didn't ask me a question. So I don't have to answer.

"Would you tell me some more about yourself?" Jane asks carefully. When I don't reply negatively, she continues quietly. "How long were you in there?"

"Four days." I barely recognize my own voice as I reply. "Abby for one and a half." Before she can ask more questions, I ask my own. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"This." I gesture towards Jane's house and the milk in Abby's hands. "You said it isn't part of your job. So why are you doing it?"

Jane shrugs and the genuineness of her smile makes my stomach flutter. It's been a long time since someone smiled at me like that. "You wanna know the truth?"

"Well, that's why I asked."

"Her, right there." Jane nods her head at Abby and I look at the beautiful girl next to me. She's not paying attention to us, completely focused on her deliciously warm milk. "Something about her…" she whispers, looking at my daughter with a slight smile, "you can't say no to a pair of eyes like that, can you?"

I smile and stroke Abby's cheek with the back of my hand. "No, you can't."

"She asked me if I could help you and I promised I would." Jane shrugs. "I don't break promises."

I feel myself relaxing more as she speaks. I feel the exhaustion and pain creeping up to me. I think I have a bruised rib, maybe even more than one. My muscles are stiff, my bones are aching and my head hurts. Besides that, I'm completely, utterly exhausted. I take a sip of my tea and sigh contently when I feel the warm liquid running down my throat. It's like my body slowly melts from being made from ice.

"How long has this been going on?" Jane asks quietly, her husky voice almost a whisper.

I'm hesitant to answer, but something about this woman makes me want to open up. "A little over four years."

"Have you ever…" Jane sighs and fumbles with her hands.

"Gone to the police?" I finish for her.

She nods.

"Yes. Many times." I look at my daughter and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's not as easy as it sounds."

"I know." Jane looks at me and I know for a fact that she really does know.

"He'll get out," I whisper to her. "He has money. My money."

Jane shakes her head. "He can't make bail. I'll make sure of it. I promise."

I smile a sad smile. "You don't know him."

"I don't need to know him." Jane stands up and carefully walks over to us, sitting on the edge of the coffee table in front of me. "He won't get a chance to hurt you anymore. I _promise_."

The sincerity in her voice makes my eyes fill with tears. I can only nod.

"I promise, Maura."

The way she speaks my name makes my tears spill onto my cheeks. I don't realize what I'm doing until I feel myself reaching out my pinky finger to her. She smiles at me, looking into my eyes when she hooks hers with mine. Her touch is warm and loving and it makes my whole body tingle as I look into deep, brown eyes that show trust and safety. The childish gesture makes me feel safe. I don't know why. I don't know how. But this woman is special. She cares. I don't know why she cares, but she does. I smile the first genuine smile in weeks when her raspy voice makes the promise I know she will never, ever break.

"Pinky promise."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N I hesitated for a long time about continuing this because I'm afraid it would make it worse instead of better, but all of your amazing reviews convinced me. Thank you so much, I'm overwhelmed! I might keep it a two-shot, I might make it into something more. Let me know what you think!_

"You should get some sleep," Jane says softly after Abby and I finish our drinks. "I have a guestroom but there's only a single bed in there so I'm just gonna change my own bed real quick so you can sleep in there."

"No, Jane. That's not necessary." I shake my head and put my cup down on the coffee table. I feel more at ease. I don't know why, but I trust Jane. There is something about her that makes me feel comfortable.

"Nah, it's okay." Jane waves my argument away and stands up from the side of the table where she has been sitting for the past fifteen minutes while we've been talking.

"We'll stay in the guestroom."

"No, I can fix my bed." She's already halfway into the bedroom when my strict voice stops her.

"Jane." I look into her eyes. "I insist."

Jane sighs and nods. "Okay then."

"You've been doing too much for us already." I feel Abby taking my hand and I squeeze it lovingly.

She smiles and I feel myself practically melting. Why does she affect me so much? What is it about her that makes me trust her? I haven't trusted people in years and I trust her after only meeting her a few hours ago? The shield I built around my heart is slowly breaking and it scares me. But at the same time, it's been so long since I've trusted someone. I welcome the feeling.

"It's all set up. There's a bathroom over here if you need it," she points at the other end of the hallway. "I have extra toothbrushes, I'll put them next to the sink. There's extra blankets in the closet and you can turn the heat up if you're cold."

"Thank you." I smile politely and walk into the small guestroom after Jane opens the door for us.

"Mom?" Abby looks at me with fearful eyes. "I don't have to sleep in a different bed, do I?"

I shake my head. "No, baby."

"I'll be right here if you need me," Jane's husky voice puts me at ease as she carefully interrupts our moment. "Goodnight."

"Jane," I stop her before she can walk out.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

She smiles. A crooked, half smile that makes her eyes sparkle and my stomach flutter. What is happening to me? I watch her walk out of the room and I shake my head, trying to pull myself together.

"We don't have pajamas, Mommy," Abby says quietly.

"We'll manage." I take her hand and lead us towards the bathroom where we brush our teeth. Back in the guestroom, I slide into bed without changing, pulling Abby with me. The bed is small but I know she'll spend the entire night clinging to me and I won't be sleeping anyway. Jane makes me feel safe but not safe enough to sleep.

Abby snuggles into my side, her head resting on my chest as my arms wrap tightly around the little girl. "Are you warm enough, baby?"

She nods. "Mom," she whispers quietly, "what if he finds us?"

I sigh deeply and place a kiss on top of her head. "He won't, honey. He's in prison now."

"But what if he comes out like last time?"

I know her concerns are valid and I share them, but I have to take them away. I cup her face and pull her away from my chest to look into those green eyes I love so much. "Sweetheart, do you remember what I once told you about questions that start with 'what if'?"

Abby nods and it breaks my heart to see tears in her eyes.

"There are a million 'what if's. Maybe even more. And if we ask ourselves every single one of them… We would go crazy." I brush Abby's golden hair out of her face. "He's not getting out, baby. Jane keeps us safe."

"Yeah." Abby smiles her beautiful smile and I fall for her all over again.

"And I will keep you safe." I cup her face into my hands and look deeply into her eyes. "I'm so sorry I failed you, honey. I promise I'll keep you safe from now on. I'll do anything." I lean forward and press my lips against her forehead. "Anything."

Abby's short arms wrap around my neck, squeezing tightly. "I just wanna be with you, Mom," she whispers into the crook of my neck, "just you and me. Without Dad."

I swallow my tears and kiss the side of Abby's head. "There's nothing I want more, my sweet girl," I whisper. "Just you and me."

"And a dog. Maybe."

I chuckle and pull my girl impossibly closer. She's been asking for a dog for years. "Oh you're a smart one, aren't you?" I laugh as I kiss her head.

Abby nods and pulls away to look at me, surprise and a hint of happiness showing in her eyes. I brush her hair back and smile. "What is it?"

"You laughed," she whispers.

Happy tears burn in my eyes as I realize that my daughter is right. I just laughed. Not because it was polite or because I had to, but because I felt like it. "I did."

Abby just smiles a beautiful smile. She snuggles back into my chest, wrapped up tightly in loving arms. "I love you, baby," I whisper into her hair.

"Love you too."

We stay silent for a while and I feel that Abby is trying to keep herself from falling asleep, staying awake for me. I gently rub her back. "Go to sleep, honey. It's okay."

Abby sighs. "I'm not tired."

"Oh, yes you are." I smirk and thread my hand in her golden blond hair. "Sleep. Tomorrow's a new day."

Abby closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "You know what I want, Mom?"

"No baby. What?"

"I wanna live on a farm." Abby's lips curl up into a small smile.

"A farm?" I pull my chin away from on top of Abby's head to look at my little girl.

"Yeah." Abby nods. "'Cause it's really big, y'know? Not a real farm, but like those old farms. And then we can have a dog, and two cats."

"Two cats?" I purse my lips and smile at her.

"Yep. And also a parrot, so I can teach him words." Abby's eyes sparkle in the darkness of the room as she imagines this wonderful future for us. "And then we can live on the farm, just you and me."

I hum softly as tears burn in my eyes at the sound of my daughter's hopeful words. "And you can meet new kids, make friends and play on the farm. With the dog and the two cats."

"Yeah. And you can be a doctor again." Abby tilts her head on my chest and looks at me. "So you can save people."

I press my lips against her forehead, pulling her closer in my arms. "I want nothing more, baby."

"Just you and me," Abby whispers against me. "No Daddy."

"Just you and me." I pull my girl impossibly closer, wanting to pull her into my heart. "Sleep, honey. I'm here."

Abby nods and I finally feel her relaxing against me. "'Night, Mom."

"Goodnight, my sweet girl."

I'm grateful to feel her falling asleep in a few minutes. She needs it so desperately. I do too, but I lie awake. I lie awake for a long time, staring at the grey ceiling, the brown curtains in front of the windows, the red letters on the alarm clock next to the bed that tell me it's almost 4AM. I can't remember the last time I've had a full, peaceful night sleep. I always sleep with one eye open, ready for whatever horror is coming next.

When it's a little past 5AM, I feel myself getting restless. I'm thirsty and I have to go to the bathroom. I slowly untangle myself from Abby, praying she won't wake up without me there because I know she will panic if she does.

I shiver when my bare feet touch the cold floor and I quickly put on the warm socks Jane gave us when we first arrived. I pull the sleeves of the sweater over my hands and quickly walk to the bathroom to relieve my bladder before I head to the kitchen to get some water.

I search for a glass in the dark and a sudden sound startles me. "God," I gasp, looking up to see Jane entering the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," Jane holds up her hands. "I didn't mean to scare you."

I release my breath and lower my shoulders. "It's okay."

"Were you looking for something?"

"A glass, for some water."

Jane smiles at me and I appreciate the careful way she approaches me. She reaches for one of the cupboards above my head and I can smell her scent. It makes my stomach tingle. When she fills the glass with water and hands it to me, our hands brush together and I look into her dark eyes, seeing a sweet smile. "Thank you."

"You can't sleep?"

I shake my head.

"Is the bed uncomfortable?"

"Oh, no. That's not it."

Jane nods, showing that she understands. "Too much going on."

"Yes." I smile a small smile at her.

"Is Abby sleeping?"

"Yes, thank God."

Jane smiles and leans back against the kitchen counter. "How is she?"

I shrug and sigh deeply. "I wish I knew," I whisper. "I worry about her."

"She's gonna be okay, Maura. She's young."

"She wants to live on a farm," I whisper with a smile. I don't know why I'm so open to Jane. I don't know why, but I feel the need to show my heart to her. I feel like it would be safe with her. "A big farm, with a dog and two cats. And a parrot, so she can teach him words."

Jane smiles at me, a smile that shows care, and maybe even a kind of love. "She loves animals?"

"Oh, yes." I nod my head as I think about my little girl. "She wants to learn everything about them. She's wanted a dog for years."

"You never had one?"

I shake my head. "No. We used to have a cat, but…" I sigh deeply. "He made us give the cat away."

The tension in the room rises. Jane leans her hands on the counter behind her and looks curiously at me as she changes the subject. "I read you used to be a doctor," she says softly.

"Yes. A trauma surgeon."

"Wow, really?" Jane raises her eyebrows. "Impressive."

I feel myself blushing slightly, grateful for the lack of light in the kitchen.

"When did you stop?"

She doesn't ask _why_ I quit my job. I'm grateful for that. She senses the line she shouldn't cross and she stays in a safe area. "Three years ago, when Abby turned seven."

Jane nods. "I bet you were an amazing surgeon."

"Why?"

Jane shrugs and averts her gaze from me. "You're calm. Intelligent. Caring."

I don't know why, but her compliment means the world to me. I haven't seen the calm, intelligent and caring woman I once was in years and yet she sees her after only a few hours. "Thank you." I take a sip of my water and fumble with the glass in my hands. "How long have you been with the police?"

"A year." Jane seems glad I found the courage to ask her questions as well. "I've been trying to work my way up from patrol officer to detective."

"I see." I'm not sure how to answer her. It's been a while since I've had a conversation with someone other than my ten-year old. "You want to be a detective?"

Jane nods. "Homicide."

"Wow. That would fit you."

She smiles at me and my stomach flutters again. "Thanks." She shifts on her feet and takes a deep breath. "Y'know… You're a tough one."

I tilt my head. "What do you mean?"

"Strong." She shrugs. "I know you think you're the opposite but you're strong as hell."

"How do you know I think the opposite?"

"The way you talk. Like you want to apologize for yourself to the world."

I just look at her, amazed by how she seems to read my feelings so well.

"You don't have to, y'know." Jane brushes her hand through her own curls. "That little girl in there," she points at the bedroom, "I know she thinks you're the strongest person in the world."

Tears well up in in my eyes as I shake my head. "How could she?" I whisper, my voice strangled with tears. "I failed her."

"Hey," Jane steps towards me but keeps her distance, "you got her out!"

"After years and years of abuse!"

"You were her rock and her safe place for all those years, Maura. That's priceless."

I shake my head. "I should've gotten her out years ago. I failed her."

"She adores you. She knows you would do anything to make her happy."

"I would."

"She knows that, Maur."

I smile at the nickname she uses for me. It sounds familiar, like we've known each other for years. "I hope so."

"I don't have any kids but if I ever would become a mother…" Jane sighs and looks down at the floor. "I'd want to be one like you."

I snap my attention towards her. Why would anyone ever want to be like me? I don't understand. "Why?"

Jane shrugs. "Because you love her more than anything. More than you love yourself."

As if to reply to Jane, we hear a crippling scream coming from the bedroom. I almost drop my glass as I put it on the kitchen counter, seeing my little girl running out of the bedroom, her green eyes wide in sheer panic. "MOM!"

"I'm here, baby!" I run towards Abby and lift her up in my arms, feeling her arms clinging almost painfully to me. "Shh, I'm here. I'm here."

She hides her face into the crook of my neck as heartbreaking sobs escape her small body. I gently rub her back as I pull her to me. "I'm here, my sweet girl. You don't have to be afraid anymore."

Abby nods. "Y-you were gone."

"I'm here." I look at Jane and smile apologetically. "Separation anxiety," I whisper.

"I understand." Jane fumbles with her hands, unsure of what to do.

"Shh, deep breaths, baby," I whisper to my daughter who is sobbing against me, fighting to keep breathing. "Deep breaths. I'm here." I close my eyes and kiss the side of Abby's head. "I love you, baby girl. I love you so much."

Abby's arms are so tightly wrapped around my neck I can barely breathe but I only pull her closer. Her fear breaks my heart. It's not natural, it's not how it's supposed to be and it's not healthy but I need her to know that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. "You're safe, honey. You're safe here. No one is going to hurt you."

"Mommy," she whimpers against me.

I feel hot tears trickling down my cheeks at the sound of her broken whimper and I pull her tighter to me. She's almost too heavy for me to carry but I'm not letting her go. Ever. "I'm here, my sweet girl. I'm here and I love you so much. And we're going to go far away from all the pain and sadness and we'll live on a beautiful farm with dogs, and cats, and parrots…" I smile when I feel my daughter relaxing a bit more. "And we'll name the dog Hunter, like you've always wanted. And we'll live in a beautiful house where you can play and run around and do everything you've always wanted. Just you and me, baby. And we'll be so happy together."

"Happy…" Abby whispers against me, her rapid breaths slowly calming. "You and me."

"You and me."

"No daddy."

I swallow hard and close my eyes as my tears trickle down my cheeks. "No daddy." I gently pull her away from the crook of my neck, cupping her cheek so I can look into her eyes. "Just you and me on the farm."

Abby nods, looking into my eyes with shimmering green eyes. I gently wipe her tears with the back of my hand, having trouble keeping her up with only one arm. Jane sees it and carefully steps forward. She places her hand on my arm, a touch that makes me tingle. She guides us towards the couch where I sit down and take Abby in my lap. "I'm here, honey," I repeat again. "You don't have to be afraid anymore."

Jane steps towards us, holding out a glass of water for Abby. I smile a grateful smile as I take the glass. "Here, baby."

Abby takes the water, her hands shaking, her teeth clattering against the glass. She takes a sip and I feel her calming down a little more. "There you go," I whisper to her. "You're okay. You're safe."

Abby nods and hands the glass back to Jane before she rests back against my chest. I thread my hand into her hair and comfortingly rub her back, placing a kiss on her head. I'm hoping she goes back to sleep. Partly because I can continue talking to Jane, but mostly because I know how much Abby needs it.

"Uhm…" Jane shifts uncomfortably on her feet as she looks at us, "is she okay? Does she need anything?"

I look up at the woman in front of us and smile a grateful smile. "She's going to be okay."

Jane nods. "Should I uhm… Should I stay? Or go, or… Uhm…"

I think I feel butterflies in my stomach, but I'm not sure. I haven't felt like this in so long. But Jane's nervousness does something to me. It makes my stomach tingle and my lips curl up into a smile that I can't stop. I only met her a few hours ago and she's making me feel things I haven't felt in years. Is it a crush? Love? Attraction? I don't know. She fascinates me. "Stay," I whisper, barely audible, "if you want to."

Jane sighs and I see relief in her body. She wanted to stay. She sits on the other end of the couch, keeping her distance but still staying close. "You're welcome to stay here as long as you want," she whispers quietly. "If you want to."

I rest my head on top of Abby's as I look at Jane. I know we have to get back to the house at some point, but a part of me wants to stay here. "Thank you."

Abby relaxes against me and I look at her to see her eyes closing. Jane smiles, looking at Abby as well. "You two got something special," she whispers.

"She's my daughter."

"No, I mean… Beyond that."

I look at my little girl in my lap and I know that Jane is right. I kiss the top of Abby's head and close my eyes. "I'm all she has. She's all I have," I whisper, opening my eyes again to look at Jane. "We don't have anyone else."

Jane tilts her head and I see a shimmer in her dark eyes. "I don't think that's true anymore, Maura."

"You barely know me," I whisper, my voice quiet and hoarse with tears. "Yet you are so kind to us."

Jane bites her lips and raises her shoulders. "I don't know. There's something about you…"

"A weak woman that needs help?" My words come out stronger than I anticipated.

"No." Tears well up in Jane's eyes. "A beautiful, intelligent, caring woman that's been through hell and made her way out of it."

I feel Abby's breaths evening out against my chest as tears well up into my eyes. Did she just call me beautiful? I have to repeat her words in my head before I can reply. I try to find words, but I fail.

"You gotta stop thinking that you're weak, Maura," Jane whispers.

I feel a tear falling down my cheek at the sincerity of her words. "Jane…"

"No, you have to know that you're not a weak person. Okay? You're strong as hell, Maur."

There's that nickname again. I smile at the beautiful woman in front of me. "Thank you," I mumble through my tears.

"You're welcome."

I look at Abby and see that she's now fully asleep. I gently rub her back, my other hand still tangled in her golden hair. When I turn my attention back to Jane, I see a loving smile curling her fine lips.

We spend the rest of the night talking, until the sun rises again. I don't even feel my exhaustion anymore. Jane comes from a big, Italian family and she has two younger brothers. She didn't go to college but passed the police academy with flying colors. She's strong, athletic and likes baseball. She's funny, too. She makes me laugh, which in return makes her laugh. It feels like we fit together. We're some kind of match. I don't know what kind, but we're match. I hope she knows it to. But judging by the way she looks at me, listens to me, and smiles at me, I think she does.

Her beauty strikes me. Her messy black curls frame her pretty face, a face with sharp features, a sharp mouth but oh, such kind eyes. And the way her eyebrows knit together when she's saddened by something, or the way they rise when she smiles, the way she furrows them when she thinks. But her eyes get me every time. It's like they run endlessly deep and hold millions of secrets. I find myself wanting to know all of them. I want to know her.

When the early morning sun peaks through the curtains of Jane's apartment, my stomach growls and we both chuckle. "When was the last time you ate?" Jane whispers, careful not to wake Abby.

I shrug. "Some time yesterday morning, I think."

Jane purses her lips and stands up from the couch, walking to the kitchen to look through her fridge. "I uhm… I don't think I have anything in here… But I could order in? Or we could go out?"

"Ordering in would be better, I think," I answer quietly, looking at my sleeping daughter in my arms. "For Abby."

Jane nods. "I don't know if it's too early for that but I'll try."

She takes her phone and I feel Abby stirring as a ray of sunlight caresses her beautiful face. She opens her eyes and immediately finds comfort in the fact that she's still in my arms. I brush her hair back and smile at my little girl. "Good morning, baby."

Abby hums and shifts her front into mine, snuggling close. "Didn't you sleep?" she mumbles, her voice laced with sleep.

"No." I smile a dreamy smile, hearing Jane's soft voice coming from the kitchen. "But that's okay."

"Are you hurt?" Abby looks up at me, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Oh no, baby." I cup my daughter's cheek and rub her freckles with my thumb. "I spent the night talking to Jane."

"Oh." Abby nods and shifts back into my arms. "She's nice, huh?"

"Yes." I smile to myself, resting my chin on top of Abby's head as I think about the past few hours that almost feel like they were a dream. "She is."

"Breakfast's gonna be here in an hour," Jane says as she walks back to us. "Morning, Abby."

"Morning." Abby yawns but smiles up at Jane.

"I hope you like pancakes."

"Yeah!" Abby smiles a happy smile, one that has become awfully rare the past few years. "I love pancakes."

"Great." Jane smiles. "Don't worry, I ordered fruit with it," she says to me. "And blueberry pancakes."

She already knows me so well. "Thank you." I hesitate for a while before I ask the question I've been wanting to ask for a while now. "Do you uhm… Do you mind-… Could I maybe take a shower?"

She chuckles and shakes her head, her eyes sparkling with that beautiful smile. "Of course. You don't have to be so nervous for that. You know where the bathroom is, I'll grab you some fresh towels."

"Oh, thank you." I sigh in relief. I haven't showered in days and I feel filthy and insecure. I watch Jane walking towards the bathroom to set things up and I cup Abby's cheek to look into her eyes. "I'm going to take a really quick shower, okay?" 

Abby nods, hesitatingly.

"Will you be alright in here with Jane for a while?"

"I think so."

I press my lips against Abby's forehead and pull her close into my arms. "I'll be quick, I promise." I know she has to learn to be without me and maybe this is a good start to a long, long road.

"Okay." Abby squeezes me close before I kiss her cheek and stand up from the couch, heading towards the bathroom, smiling a grateful smile at Jane as I pass her.

I look into the mirror above the sink and I barely recognize myself. Hollow eyes, pale skin, frizzy hair… How Jane can possibly think I'm beautiful is a mystery to me. I pull off the sweater Jane gave to me and I notice a fresh outfit on the chair in the corner of the bathroom. I smile at the sweet gesture. She even put out underwear for me. I blush when I see a simple pair of cotton panties. They seem a little small, but at least it's clean.

I get out of my sweatpants and filthy underwear and sigh a relieved sigh as I step into the warm water of the shower. I let it fall onto my aching muscles and warm up my entire body. I take the shampoo and body wash Jane put out as well and wash every inch of myself, trying to scrub off every stain and painful memory. I quickly rinse my hair and dry off before getting dressed in a pair of jeans that is too long but a little too small around my hips and a slightly too large red sweater.

When I pull the sweater over my head and start drying the dripping bits of my wet hair, I suddenly hear Jane's muffled voice coming from the other side of the door.

"No, Ma. I don't know. Yeah, they're both here."

I know I shouldn't listen, but I can't help myself and I don't want to interrupt her by walking out of the bathroom.

"No please, don't stop by. They need rest, Ma." Jane paces through the hallway. "I know I don't know them but…" I hear her sighing and her voice softens. "They're something special, Ma. She's… She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and she's so smart and kind and the kid… That girl is a small angel, I'm sure of it."

I rest my head back against the wall, tears filling my eyes as I listen to Jane's heartfelt words.

"God Ma, stop it!" Jane growls annoyed. "Right. I'll call you later, okay?"

Before I know it, she's gone. I'm still wearing a foolish smile on my face as I open the door and head back to the living room. I see Abby's face lighting up as she sees me and she sits up on her knees on the couch, reaching out her arms for me even though I've only been away for barely fifteen minutes.

I wrap my girl in my arms and kiss the side of her head. "Hi, baby."

"I could watch TV," Abby says quietly into my shoulder. "Jane likes the same shows as me."

I chuckle. I highly doubt it, but it seems likely for Jane to be as enthusiastic as possible about a cartoon Abby likes to watch. It's been a while since she watched TV. She wasn't allowed to when he was home. The TV plays softly in the background as I hug my daughter into my arms. "You should take a shower as well, baby."

Abby shakes her head. "Yes. It's been almost a week. Come on, let's go ask Jane very kindly." I pat her bottom and lift her off the couch, taking her hand as we meet Jane in the kitchen.

"Jane?" Abby asks softly. "Can I shower too?"

"You bet you can," Jane smiles at Abby. "There's towels on the cabinet, you can use the shampoo and body wash I put out for your mom."

"Thank you." Abby smiles politely.

"Do you need any clothes?"

Abby looks at the way too large sweater and leggings she is wearing before she looks up at me. I brush her messy hair out of her face and smile. "This will do for now. We don't have any clean underwear for you here."

I take Abby to the bathroom and give her a quick kiss before I let her do her own thing, leaving her alone for a while as I walk back to Jane. She smiles at me as I enter the kitchen.

I sigh deeply and look down at my feet. "We'll have to get our stuff," I say softly. "We'll have to go back."

"You don't have to," Jane offers quietly. "You can stay as long as you want."

"I know, but Abby needs clean underwear and her clothes. It's just…" I shake my head and fumble with the sleeves of my sweater.

"The place holds too many memories," Jane finishes for me.

I simply nod.

"I'll go with you, Maura. We'll get enough stuff to last you both a couple of days, maybe weeks, I don't know. And you can come back here. Or I can help pay for a hotel. Whatever you need."

"Jane…" I swallow hard and look up at the police officer in front of me. "Why… You can't take us in for that long. Or pay for anything. I couldn't possibly ask that from you."

Jane sighs. "How about… How about we just take it one step at the time?" She shrugs and offers a hopeful smile. "We'll take it day by day. Today, we're gonna eat breakfast, get you and Abby some clean clothes, some other stuff you need… Get lunch somewhere, come back here so you can rest, make dinner, go to bed. That's it."

I smile, tears welling up in my eyes at the sincere, caring tone in Jane's voice. With the things she said to her mother on the phone in the back of my mind, I know she is sincere and honest.

"That's all we're gonna think of," Jane whispers. "And then tomorrow, we'll think of the next step. Take it day by day."

I swallow a lump in my throat and nod. I can do that. Day by day. The future scares me more than anything. "Okay."

When Abby is finished with her shower, she rushes back to me and we have breakfast together with Jane before we take her car to our house. I give her directions and the closer we get, the tighter the knot in my stomach gets.

"It's here on the left," I say softly, pointing at the road that leads up to our house. Abby is in the backseat, tired and uneasy.

When Jane drives up to the house, my throat closes up in fear. There's a car in front of the house. I recognize it. "Pete," I whisper. "He's here."

"Who?"

I shake my head and feel panic burning in my chest. "Pete. A… A friend of his."

"Should we be worried?"

"Yes. Yes, we should." My hands are trembling and I turn in my seat to look at Abby. "Can you stay in the car, baby?"

"No, Mom!" Abby panics almost immediately.

"Honey, I have to talk to Pete."

Abby shakes her head, tears forming in her eyes. "Pete hurt you last time, Mom."

He did. They teamed up on me when I asked them to change the channel on the TV to something more appropriate for Abby. Pete was drunk. He wasn't.

"I'm coming with you." Jane unbuckles her seatbelt and I feel her being on edge.

I know I can't leave Abby in here by herself so I step out of the car and take her hand as we walk to the house. Pete comes out as soon as he hears us.

"Hi, Pete," I smile politely but I know it's no use. He's been drinking and he's angry.

"You bitch!" he yells, his hands balling into fists at his sides. "You got your own husband arrested! Who fucking does that?!" 

"Hey, watch your mouth yeah?" Jane says, stepping closer to him.

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm the hell person who's with Maura and Abby now!"

Pete huffs and growls angrily. "You look like a fucking dyke. You think you can do something about that pathetic piece of shit that calls herself a woman?"

"HEY"! Jane yells at him and steps dangerously close. "You talk about her one more time and I will cut you! You hear me? I will BREAK YOU!"

I hear a loud thud as Pete hooks his fist into Jane's stomach, pushing her to the ground. He's on top of her, trying to keep her down as Jane fights back.

I hear Abby whimpering behind me and before I know what is happening, my fist lands onto his cheek, my foot planting itself in between his ribs to knock him off Jane. I kneel on top of him and my fists are pounding away, first into his chest and then onto his temple. I knock him out. I don't know how, I don't know why, but he's unconscious.

I'm panting, my eyes wide in fear. What did I just do? What just happened to me? I feel a strong hand on my arm, gently pulling me up. I look up to see Jane looking at me with equally wide eyes that show anger, fear, and a shimmer of pride.

I don't realize what I'm doing until I feel myself falling into Jane's arms. My arms wrap around her neck as I feel her strong arms around my upper body, pulling me into a safe, warm embrace. I smell her scent, a lovely mix of cotton, lavender and sweat. Her dark curls tickle my cheek as I stand on my toes to hide my face into the crook of her neck. Her arms are so strong around me, yet she is so gentle.

Tears are trickling down my cheeks because I know I am safe. I'm safe in her arms. I'm safe with her. I never, ever want to leave this embrace. It feels like home. I never want to leave this feeling. Her scent overwhelms me, her strong hold keeps me grounded, and her soft breaths against my neck are making my head spin. I'm safe. She keeps me safe. She keeps me warm. And I know it. I know it in this moment.

I'm falling in love.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N Oh my goodness, your reviews are amazingly kind! They really keep me going and they made me decide to continue this, for at least one more chapter, maybe more. Please let me know what you think, it means a lot to me!_

I don't ever want to leave this embrace. If I could stay like this forever, I would. But I suddenly realize the situation we are in. My daughter is still standing next to us while Pete is unconscious on the ground. I quickly untangle myself from Jane and look down at my little girl, meeting with wide, green eyes.

I start to apologize, but Abby stops me with a sweet, small smile. She's not mad and she doesn't look too scared. I kneel in front of her and cup her face, pressing my lips against her forehead.

"Mom," she whispers, "you were awesome."

I hear Jane chuckling behind me and I smile gratefully at my beautiful daughter. "Thank you, baby."

"I've got to go take him in," Jane says quietly from behind us. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

I stand up and take Abby's hand, turning to face Jane. I nod.

"Are you gonna be okay? Are you sure there isn't anyone else inside?"

I smile at her, my mind still flying from the embrace that only lasted a minute but felt like a lifetime. Did she feel the same? Did it have the same effect on her as it had on me? I can't tell. As I examine her facial expression I see relief, happiness and care. But I can't tell if she has the flying, earth-shattering feelings I'm having. I haven't felt like this in years. I fell in love with him, and then stopped after a few years. But this is different. When I think about falling in love with Jane, I don't think I can ever stop.

"We'll be fine."

Jane nods and kneels next to Pete to handcuff him. "Go inside before I wake him, okay?" She smiles a reassuring smile at Abby, who looks afraid. "I'll take him to the police station so he can't hurt anyone anymore. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"And then we're gonna come back to your house?" Abby asks shyly.

"Yeah. Is that okay?"

Abby nods, tightly holding my hand. "Jane?" she asks before Jane can turn around.

"Yeah?"

"When's your dog gonna be back?" 

Jane smiles a sweet smile, one that makes my stomach flutter because it seems reserved for Abby. "We can go pick her up after we're finished over here, does that sound good?"

Abby smiles an exciting smile. "Yeah."

Pete lets out a soft groan and Jane urges us inside. "Go. I'll be back soon."

I take Abby inside, opening the front door to the house that once belonged to me but now feels like it belongs to a stranger. I see Jane waiting outside, making sure that we are safe in here, that there isn't anyone hiding trying to harm us. She is the only one in the world that would do that for us. But I know the house is empty. His friends would team up on us if they wanted to. Pete was alone.

I don't know how long Pete has been here or what he's been doing here, but the house is a mess. There are empty beer cans lying on the table and the floor, one of them is dripping on the carpet. An empty bag of chips, a half-eaten pizza, an empty bottle of liquor… It smells and it feels like anything but home.

"Mom," Abby says quietly, looking up at me with tears in her eyes.

I brush her hair out of her face and pull her closer towards me.

"I don't want to live here anymore," she whispers. "What if Pete comes back? Or Luke, or Carl?"

I sigh deeply at the fear in Abby's big green eyes. "Pete can't come back, baby. Jane took him to the police station. And the rest will know about that, so they won't come back either."

Abby lifts one of her shoulders, stepping even closer towards me, clinging my hand in hers. "I just-… I just want to…" she sighs and I see her bottom lip trembling.

I kneel in front of my little girl so I'm a little shorter than she is, looking up into her eyes as I cup her cheek. "You just want to start over," I whisper. "A whole, brand new start."

She nods, grateful that I understand. "I wanna start over without him," she whispers. "I want everything of him gone."

Tears burn in my eyes as I wrap my arms around my now crying daughter, sitting up on my knees to pull her into a tight embrace. "We will, baby. We're going to start over." I thread my hand into Abby's hair as my other arm pulls her close. "I bet Jane knows how to get our money back from him and then we'll start a new life. Far away from him."

Abby nods, but stops in the middle of it. "But… Not too far away so we can visit Jane."

I smile into my daughter's strawberry blond hair. "Okay."

Abby's arms wrap around my neck, squeezing hard as she hugs me desperately. "Did Pete hurt you, Mommy?"

"No, honey. I'm okay."

Abby lets out a grateful sigh and I pull her even closer. "I love you so much, pretty girl," I whisper to her. "I love you more than anyone in the world."

"I love you too, Mom." Abby's fingers claw at my back and her desperation breaks my heart.

I pull away and kiss her cheek. "Let's go pack our stuff." I take her hand and walk upstairs towards her bedroom, the walls a light shade of pink, flowers behind her bed, small lights lacing the ceiling. The wall is filled with a large bookcase and there are books played out on her bed and desk. A poster of a puppy is hanging on her closet and the mirror on the door reflects the sunlight into the room.

"Okay, let's start with some clothes." We pick out a dress, some leggings and a pair of pants, a sweater and two shirts. I just take all of her underwear and neatly fold it into the open bag. I know we agreed to take it one day at a time, but I just want to have enough. I don't know why. Maybe a part of me is hoping we can stay with Jane a little longer. Maybe even so long that Abby needs ten pairs of underwear. "Which books do you want to take, baby?" 

Abby purses her lips and jumps up to pick out her favorites, dropping them one by one in the bag. I put her stuffed animal in there, even though I know she claims to be too old for it. When she finishes, she walks up to her desk and opens a small yellow jewelry box. She takes out a silver necklace and holds it up for me, silently asking me to put it on.

I smile as I kneel to fasten it around her neck. "You haven't worn it in a while," I say softly.

"I was afraid he was gonna break it again," Abby replies softly. "I didn't wear it anymore after you got it fixed for me."

I sigh deeply and kiss the back of Abby's head. "It looks beautiful on you, honey. And we know it won't break this time."

Abby nods. "I think Grandma's happy if I wear it 'cause she always smiled when we visited her and I was wearing it."

I smile as I remember those times. The time we visited my mother-in-law, his mother, Abby's grandmother. The time before she got cancer and was taken away from us. The necklace was a gift from her, to her only grandchild. "I know she is."

Abby nods and zips up her bag, pulling it out of the room and taking my hand to head towards my bedroom. Our bedroom. I swallow hard, mentally preparing myself to walk into the room with the bed that was once our marriage bed. I want to get out of there as quickly as possible. I grab a suitcase, throw in the first clothes I can find, pile up my underwear to shove it next to my clothes, some make-up, a bottle of shampoo, conditioner and body wash from the bathroom so I don't have to use all of Jane's, a hairbrush, both of our toothbrushes and a medical journal that's on my nightstand. My throat closes up when I see my wedding ring on there. I haven't worn it in a while. It made him mad.

I take it in my fingers and let the sunlight reflect on it for a second. It's like this ring represents my weakness. My failure. My pain. I feel anger burning in the pit of my stomach. Anger for myself, for him and the mistakes I made. I walk towards the bathroom. Before I can think about it, I throw the ring into the toilet and flush it. Gone. No more weakness. No more failure. No more pain. Just… no more.

"Mom?" Abby's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. I look at her and see her looking up at me with wide eyes and I only now realize that tears are trickling down my cheeks. "Are you okay?"

I nod, swallowing my tears as I listen to the sound of the toilet tank refilling. "I'm okay."

"You're crying." Abby's young face is laced with concern.

"I was just-… Memories. That's all." I stroke Abby's cheek and smile a hopefully reassuring smile.

Abby nods. "Okay."

"I'm almost finished up here. Can you hand me my pajamas from the closet over there?"

Abby does as I ask and I zip up the suitcase, cringing slightly at the way I packed it in such a mess. I take the suitcase, Abby's bag and Abby's hand and lead us back downstairs.

I know I'm avoiding everything. I can't stay away from here forever. I have to confront the situation sooner or later. But I'd rather do it later. Maybe I'm stupid or naïve. My problems won't fade when I postpone them. But I need rest. I need to get away from everything. Just for a little while. Just to get my thoughts together.

We go outside without talking, neither of us wanting to stay in the house. I sit down on the small porch in front of the hous and take Abby's arm to gently pull her in between my legs. "Come here," I whisper.

Abby leans back into my front, pulling her hands inside the sleeves of her coat. "It's so cold," she says softly. "Christmas is soon, right?"

I hum and kiss the side of my daughter's head. "Thanksgiving first."

"Oh yeah." She sighs and rests her head back against my shoulder. "What are we gonna do with Thanksgiving?"

"I don't know yet, baby. What would you like?"

Abby shrugs. "As long as it's not the same as last year I don't care."

I sigh when I think about last year. We were supposed to have a family dinner with just the three of us and his brother, but his brother didn't show up so he invited Pete and some other friends. They all had too much to drink and I ended up with Abby upstairs in bed, watching a movie. "We did have fun after we left the table, didn't we?"

"Oh yeah." Abby smiles when she remembers the evening. "But the movie was sad."

"Hm, yes it was." I brush Abby's hair out of her face and smile when I see the sun reflecting in her beautiful green eyes, making them sparkle. "Maybe we can do that again this year. Just the two of us, having dinner and watching a movie."

"Yeah." Abby nods and she smiles an exciting smile. "That's a good idea."

We stay silent for a while, me closing my eyes to enjoy the sun on this cold day, Abby relaxing in between my legs until she asks the question that brings me back to reality. "But… where?"

I sigh deeply. "I don't know, honey. We'll see about that when the time is right, okay? Right now we'll just take things day by day."

Abby nods. "Okay."

"It's going to be okay, baby," I whisper as I rest my cheek against her temple. "I promise. I don't know how, or when… But I know it's going to be okay."

"I know."

After a few minutes, I hear a car driving towards the house and I kiss Abby's cheek before I help her stand up and grab out stuff, smiling when I see Jane driving up to us. She steps out of the car and my stomach flips when I see her, like I'm a high school girl in love. She looks even more beautiful than she did a half hour ago. The sun makes her almost black curls shine and the smile that laces her lips make her eyes sparkle.

"Hey, you ready?" she asks us, immediately taking the heavy bag from Abby.

"Yep." Abby nods and helps me with my suitcase, rolling it towards the car where Jane opens the back and takes the suitcase from me. "Are we gonna pick up your dog, Jane?"

"Yeah, that's the plan." Jane smiles as she closes the car. "Frankie doesn't live too far from here."

"Is Frankie your brother?"

"Yes. He's a few years younger than me."

Abby nods and climbs into the backseat as Jane gets behind the wheel and I sit in the passenger seat. As if Jane senses my nerves about meeting Frankie, she parks in front of his building and tells us she'll be back in a minute.

When she comes back, Abby sits up and smiles a bright smile, looking out the window at Jane and a small Yorkshire terrier. "He's so cute, look Mom!"

I chuckle. "He is."

Jane opens the door next to Abby and lets the dog jump in. "Is this okay? She's a real sweet dog."

Abby nods and immediately strokes the dog's head. "Hi," she says to him, eliciting a smile from both Jane and me, "I'm Abby."

Jane winks at me and closes the door before getting behind the wheel again to drive us towards her house. When we arrive, Abby takes Joe Friday's leash and walks her inside where we put our stuff in the living room.

"You mind giving her a treat?" Jane asks, grabbing a bag from the kitchen.

Abby shakes her head. "Not at all!"

Jane hands the treat to her and Abby speeds off towards the dog that is starting to lie down in her dog bed, stopping when she sees the treat in Abby's hand.

I turn towards Jane and smile at her. "Thank you," I say softly. "For everything."

Jane shrugs. "Don't worry about it."

"I wish there was something I could give back to you." I fumble with the hem of my sweater and feel myself blushing. "But I'm afraid we currently don't have anything."

"Hey," Jane whispers, trying to get me to look at her, "don't you think I don't enjoy you two being here?"

"I don't want to be a burden on you."

"You're not." Jane shakes her head. "Absolutely not."

I try to find an argument to apologize for our presence, but the sound of Abby's laughter stops me. I turn my head and see my daughter lying on the floor, Joe Friday on top of her, trying to lick her face. Abby breaks out in a fit of giggles as she and the dog engage in a playful fight, running around the coffee table.

I don't realize I'm crying until I feel Jane's strong hand on my back. I shake my head and let out a happy sob, tears streaming down my face. In an instant, Jane's arms wrap around my upper body, pulling me into her side. I lean my head on her shoulder and put my own arm around her slim waist, feeling my stomach tingling, my cheeks wet from my tears of happiness.

"Maura…" she whispers, sounding concerned.

I look up at her and smile through my tears. "It's been so long since I've heard her laughing like this," I say quietly. "I barely remembered it." I look back at my little girl and let out another sob when I see her plopping on the couch, Joe Friday next to her as she tickles her stomach. Her lips are curled up in the most gorgeous smile in the world, her eyes are sparkling with childlike happiness. She looks so carefree. So happy.

"She's a beautiful girl, Maur," Jane whispers next to me.

I nod, unable to take my eyes off of Abby.

"Like her mother," Jane whispers barely audible, but I catch it anyway.

I turn my head and look up at Jane to see her cheeks blushing a dark shade of red. She shakes her head and starts to apologize. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… That was inappropriate. I shouldn't-…. I'm sorry."

I shake my head, fresh tears filling my eyes. "Don't be," I whisper. "Thank you."

Jane smiles a sheepish smile. "You're welcome."

"Jane?" Abby interrupts us from the couch. "Can she have another one?"

"Alright, just one. No more, okay? Don't want her to get spoiled." Jane lets go of me and I instantly feel the loss of contact in the pit of my stomach. She hands Abby another treat and she quickly starts to play a game with Joe, trying to get the dog to take the treat out of her hand.

I want Jane to wrap her arm back around me, but she keeps her distance this time. I'm too afraid to initiate anything so I just stand there looking at Abby. After a few more minutes of playing, she's tired and rests back against the couch, softly stroking the dog's head in her lap.

"I was afraid she was never going to be like a regular ten-year old," I whisper mostly to myself, party to Jane next to me. "I was afraid I had ruined her childhood forever. But seeing her like this…" I smile and shrug my shoulders. "Maybe there's a chance she will be okay after all."

"Maura," Jane turns to me and I see compassion in her eyes, "you didn't ruin anything. He did."

"I let him."

She shakes her head. "No. None if this is you fault, Maur. You can't blame yourself for any of this. _He_ is at fault here. No one else."

I sigh deeply and look back at my daughter on the couch. "It just doesn't feel that way."

"I know. But… if you ask her," Jane points at Abby, "she wouldn't blame you for a single second. She wouldn't even think about it. And isn't that what matters?"

"She doesn't blame me yet."

"She never will." Jane shakes her head. "I haven't known her for a very long time, but I know that she loves you way too much for that. That won't change, Maura."

"She'll hit puberty, Jane." I look at her and see unshed tears in her dark eyes. "She'll blame me once she's old enough."

"Okay, I can't look into the future but I know that Abby is like, a splitting image of you and you would never, ever do something like that. Not even in puberty. Right?" 

I think about her words and then softly shake my head. "I think not, no."

"Then she won't either. She's too smart and she loves you too much for that."

I take a deep breath. "I hope so."

Jane nods and rubs my arm. "Can I make you something to drink? Coffee?"

"Thank you." I smile a grateful smile and wipe my wet cheeks with the back of my hand.

"And for Abby?"

"What do you have?"

"I have juice. Apple."

"Perfect." I watch Jane turning towards the fridge and I walk towards my daughter on the couch, where Joe Friday just jumps off her lap to lie in her corner. I sit next to my little girl and tuck a strand of golden hair behind her ear.

She looks up at me, her smile falls when she sees my tear-filled eyes. "What's wrong, Mom?"

"Nothing." I shake my head and stroke her cheek with the back of my hand. "I just got a little emotional when I saw you so happy."

Abby furrows her brow. "Why?"

"Because it's been too long," I whisper, wrapping one of my arms around her waist as I tangle my other hand in her hair to pull her to my chest.

"So I guess we should get a dog, huh?" Abby smirks and I chuckle.

"I guess so."

"Really?" Abby's face lights up as she pulls away to look at me.

I nod and brush her hair back. "Yes. When we get everything sorted out."

"A puppy?!"

I laugh and shake my head. "I don't know, baby. Puppies are a lot of work."

"But they're so cute!" Abby almost squeals.

"Oh yes and so were you when you were a baby but you got so much easier when you got older."

"I'm not cute anymore?" Abby puts her hands on her hips and tries to look angrily at me.

I laugh at her, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "If only you knew how cute you were."

Abby lowers her hands and tilts her head. "Not as cute as a puppy, though."

"Oh, stop it." I pinch her side, eliciting a squeal.

"Mom!" She laughs as I tickle her stomach. "Why do you hate puppies?"

I gasp playfully at her. "I never said that! I simply expressed my doubts about the amount of attention a puppy asks!"

Abby giggles as I continue my tickles on her stomach, she rolls back and forth on the couch, trying to grab my hands. "Jane!" she gasps in between laughs, "Mom hates puppies!"

I turn my head to look at Jane and see the most gorgeous smile curling her lips, one that displays happiness, care and maybe even a kind of love. "She does?"

"Yeah!" Abby laughs harder as my tickles increase. "Stop, Mom! Stop!"

I want to continue my tickles, just to hear the sound of her laughter a little longer, but I decide to give her a break. I lean down and cover my daughter's cheek and forehead in kisses. She wrinkles her nose and tries to get away so I stop, but I feel her arms wrapping around my neck as I pull away. "I love you, Mommy," she whispers against me.

I squeeze her tight in my arms. "Oh, I love you too, baby. So, so much." When I break the embrace, I see Jane standing in front of the couch, holding a cup of coffee and a glass of juice. I smile a grateful smile and take the coffee from her while Abby takes the glass.

"Thank you," she says politely.

Jane sits in one of the chairs while she sips her own coffee, Abby looking at her curiously. "Why can we stay here, Jane?"

Jane looks up with a surprised look. "What do you mean?"

"Are we staying here 'cause you're a police officer and that's what police officers do?"

"No." Jane shakes her head and fumbles with her cup. "You're staying here because I think you're really special people and I want to help you."

"Special people?" Abby furrows her brow. "We?"

Jane smiles. "Yeah."

Abby looks at me and then back to Jane. "Why?"

"What, no one ever told you you're special before?"

Abby shakes her head and Jane's smile falls as she looks at Abby. "Really?"

"Yeah," Abby shrugs, "Mom does all the time but she's my mom, y'know? She has to think I'm special."

Jane chuckles, but her eyes stay empty. "You're special to people that aren't your mom too, Abby. If I didn't think you were or if I didn't like you and your mom, you think I'd be asking you to stay here for so long?"

Abby shakes her head. "Guess not."

I smile as I listen to their conversation, slowly finishing my coffee. I expect the caffeine to keep me awake, but the opposite is happening. The warm liquid, along with the warmth of the heater that is on in the house makes me sleepy. I haven't slept in two nights and my body is beyond exhausted.

"You're nice for letting us stay here," Abby says softly. "'Cause you don't even know us at all."

Jane shrugs. "My mother taught me to be kind to strangers."

" _My_ mother taught me to not let strangers in the house." Abby chuckles.

Jane laughs and takes a sip of her coffee. "Yeah well, that too. But you're not strangers anymore. And besides, I met you a few days before you got here, didn't I? So you weren't a stranger."

"Yeah." Abby nods and sips her apple juice. She swallows and says, "but you didn't know Mom."

"Well…" Jane looks at me and smiles slightly, "guess there's just something really special about her."

I blush and avert my gaze. Abby giggles next to me and she puts her glass on the coffee table before leaning into my side, kicking off her shoes to tuck her feet up on the couch. She feels at home here. I wrap my arm around her and kiss the top of her head, my eyelids heavier than ever.

"You wanna watch some TV? A movie, maybe?" Jane asks, finding the remote control in between the cushions of her chair.

"Yeah." Abby takes the remote from Jane with a grateful smile, turning on the TV to find something to watch.

"Jane," I ask quietly, "if you have to go back to work… Or something… I understand. You don't have-…"

"I don't." Jane interrupts me. "I still have a lot of vacation days. My boss gave me a few days. It's okay."

I sigh and smile at her. "You…" I whisper, trying to find the right words, "you are the kindest person I've ever met,"

Jane smiles. "Likewise."

I pull Abby closer to me and kiss her head, looking at her green eyes focusing on the TV. I feel my eyes closing and I have to try my best to keep them open.

"It's okay," Jane whispers, "take some rest. You're exhausted."

I smile gratefully and my eyes are closed before she can even finish her sentence. I faintly hear the sound of a television show playing in the back of my mind, feeling Abby relaxing in my arms. I'm asleep in less than a minute.

When I wake up, I feel that my arms are empty and a blanket is thrown over my legs. Despite the fact that I must have slept for a few hours, I feel just as exhausted as before.

"Careful with the lid, don't let it cut you," I hear Jane's voice coming from the kitchen and I only now realize that I smell food. "That's right, careful."

"Can we put the pineapple on it?" Abby asks.

"We have to let it dry first, otherwise the pizza's gonna get all soggy. Can you get me those paper towels?"

I hear Abby's footsteps and smile to myself as I hear them cooking dinner together. "Thanks," Jane says, probably taking the towels.

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we're still gonna be friends after Mom and I leave here?"

Jane stays silent for a while and I know she's smiling. "I hope so."

"I hope so too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Mom's happier here," Abby answers quietly. "And me too."

I hear the sound of a soft kiss and feel tears burning behind my closed eyelids. "I'm glad to hear that," Jane answers quietly.

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Do I never have to see my dad again?"

"If you don't want to, no."

"I don't."

"Then you don't have to."

Something clatters in the kitchen and I hear the fridge opening. "Is he gonna be in prison forever?"

Jane sighs. "No. But for a really long time. And he's gonna lose custody over you."

"What's custody?"

"It means that legally, he's not your father anymore."

"Really?" Abby's voice is quiet and laced with disbelief.

"Yes."

Abby stays silent for a while until Jane carefully breaks the silence. "I don't think I'm the right person to tell you all this, Abs," she whispers. "You should talk to your mom. I don't want to pass her."

"That's okay," Abby replies. "Talking about him makes her sad. I don't wanna make her sad."

A tear falls into the cushion beneath my head and I try my best to stay quiet, wanting to hear this conversation.

"You're a good kid, Abby."

"Thank you."

"Hey, don't go easy on the cheese," Jane says, her voice laced with a smile, "get some more on there."

Abby chuckles. "Mom says pizza's unhealthy."

"Oh, it is. But unhealthy tastes so good."

"Yeah." Abby giggles with her mouth full, probably with cheese. "Look at that big chunk!"

"Shh," Jane chuckles, "you'll wake your mom. She needs her sleep so badly."

"Oh yeah." Abby laughs and chews on what was probably that big chunk of cheese.

I open my eyes and yawn, stretching my muscles before getting off the couch. I look at the kitchen to see my daughter and Jane working in the kitchen. I smile at the sight, walking towards them to kiss the top of Abby's head. "Pizza, huh?"

Abby smiles at me. "Yeah."

"I hope you don't mind," Jane says, pointing at the almost finished pizza.

"Of course not." I place my hands on Abby's sides. "She can use some extra pounds."

Jane chuckles and I see her caressing Abby's hair for a second before she takes the pizza and puts it in the oven. "Dinner's ready in twenty minutes."

We talk al throughout dinner, no silence longer than a minute. I want to know everything about Jane and she wants to know everything about us. Her stories are entertaining, interesting and funny. My stories are probably boring, but she smiles at them, listening to them like they're the most interesting in the world. Abby devours her pizza and the last bits of it are getting cold as we continue talking.

We have a connection I have never felt before. Without knowing each other for more than a day, she finishes my sentences and we are on the same level. I can be myself with her and she lets me know that that is enough. I haven't felt enough in years. But I'm completely myself and Jane likes me anyway.

When it is getting late and Abby starts to yawn, I know it is time for bed. She clutches my hand and I know she won't go to sleep without me so no matter how badly I want to keep talking to Jane, I take my daughter to bed.

Jane says goodnight with a sweet squeeze to my arm before we finish our bedtime routine and crawl into the small bed, Abby immediately curling up into my side.

"Mom," she whispers.

"Yes, baby?"

"I like it here."

I tangle my hand in her hair and pull her to my chest. "Me too, honey."

"Can we stay here longer?"

I sigh. "I don't know, baby. I don't want to put a burden on Jane."

"But she likes you a lot!" Abby says with an excited smile. "She told me herself."

"She did?" Butterflies are tickling my stomach.

"Yeah."

"I like her too," I whisper, partly to myself. "A lot."

Am I in love? I don't know. Since when do I fall in love? With a woman, no less? Should I question my sexuality? Is it just a crush? Am I just physically attracted to Jane? No, it's more. It's definitely more. But what is it? A million questions are racing through my mind and I can't answer them. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know how to continue my life. I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know what our future will be. I don't know anything.

"Good night, Mom," Abby whispers, snuggling even closer into me. "Love you."

That's it. That's all I know. I love my little girl more than anything or anyone in the world. She's my priority. "I love you too, baby. Sweet dreams."


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N This chapter is a lot shorter than the previous ones, but it felt right to end it in the moment. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know! I think I'll write a few more chapters, depending on my ideas. Thank you all for the amazing feedback!_

I wake up from the sound of frantic panting and gasping coming from the other side of the hall. I listen to it for a while until I hear desperate screams. Something is wrong. I untangle myself from my sleeping daughter and quickly get out of bed, shivering when my bare feet touch the cold floor as I hurry down the hall towards the source of the sound. Jane's bedroom.

I slowly open the door. "Jane?"

She's tossing and turning in a mess of sheets, her fists balled up in fear. I don't know what to do. Should I wake her? I can't let her stay in this nightmare, can I? A fearful scream makes up my mind. I careful sit down on the edge of Jane's bed and shake her shoulder. "Jane! Jane, wake up!"

It takes a while, but she finally wakes up, shooting up in bed, panting frantically, her eyes wide in fear. I carefully place my hand on her arm, but that causes her to panic. She scrambles out of bed, screaming as she falls on the floor. "NO!"

"Jane! Jane, it's me! Maura!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" She crawls towards the corner of the room, pulling her knees up to her chest as she trembles in fear.

I hold up my hands to show her I mean no harm and carefully, slowly approach her. "Jane, it's me. It was just a dream. You're okay. You're at home, in your bedroom. I'm Maura, you saved me a few days ago and let me and my daughter Abby into your house. You're okay."

She slowly stops trembling, looking at me with wide, fearful eyes. I carefully reach out my hand, holding it open for her. I smile in relief when she reaches out hers as well, shaking violently. I gently take her hand in mine, massaging the scar in her palm. The scars I have wondered about many times, but have been too afraid to ask about. She jerks at first, but allows it when she feels the gentleness in my movements.

I keep her hand in mine for a long time, waiting for her to calm down. She just stares at our hands before she speaks quietly, her voice hoarse with unshed tears. "N-no one is allowed to do that," she whispers.

"I'm sorry," I pull away but Jane shakes her head.

"No. Don't stop."

I shift closer and sit down on the floor next to her, continuing the strokes on the palms of her hands. She has so much pain. It breaks my heart. She's trembling next to me and I hesitate for a second, but eventually press a kiss to her temple.

Suddenly she lifts her head and looks into my eyes, her dark brown eyes shimmering with tears. Our faces are only inches apart and my stomach is tingling. Jane slowly starts to close the distance between us but I stop her by placing my hand on her chest. "Jane," I whisper, "are you sure?"

She just nods. "Are you?"

I cup her cheek and rest my forehead against hers. "Yes. I just don't want you to regret anything later."

"You're the most beautiful woman in the world," Jane whispers, her voice still raspy and laced with tears, "from the first moment I saw you in that shed I knew you were the strongest, most beautiful, amazing woman I would ever meet and taking you in was the best decision of my life and I know I've only met you like a few days ago but I'm falling for you, Maura. And if that makes you mad or uncomfortable you are welcome to leave I totally understand but-… I'm falling for you. Hard."

Tears are trickling down my cheeks as I close the small distance between our lips. I feel things I've never, ever felt before. Her lips are warm and soft and they taste like tears and heaven. They fit perfectly against mine. She lifts her hand and tangles it in my hair to pull me even closer and I do the same. I want to crawl into her. I want this feeling to last forever. My stomach is filled with butterflies, my head is spinning and my heart is floating. The kiss is slow and gentle and we keep it shallow, but it is perfect. Absolutely perfect.

When we finally break apart, I rest my forehead back against hers and smile a tired smile. "I'm falling for you too," I whisper quietly, "hard."

She smiles and I feel her relaxing further. "I never knew it was even possible to feel this about someone…" she whispers through a lump in her throat. "But you showed it to me, Maura."

I feel like my face is going to split open from the smile that curls my lips. "You make me feel things I haven't felt in years," I whisper to her, "in less than two days."

Jane just smiles and moves her lips towards mine again, but we're both smiling so brightly our teeth clash together at first. I laugh and manage to close my mouth so I can kiss her back, feeling her laughing against my lips as well. This kiss is even more perfect than the last. She's falling for me too. She's kissing me back. We're laughing, kissing, giggling like teenagers and happy butterflies are dancing in my stomach.

We break apart and I look into her eyes, amazed by her astonishing smile that beams at me. "You're beautiful," I breathe out without thinking. "Absolutely beautiful."

Jane blushes and averts her gaze as she starts fumbling with her hands. I gently take her hand in mine, sensing her discomfort. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't-… I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Jane keeps her attention on our hands. "I'm just… not used to people saying that."

"Maybe you should start getting used to it," I whisper with a smile.

Jane smiles, looking back up into my eyes. "So… That means it's not a one time thing?"

"That depends on your definition of a 'one time thing'…"

"Just one kiss in the middle of the night, which you'll regret in the morning."

I sigh deeply and close my eyes. God, what if it's that way for her? "It certainly isn't for me," I whisper quietly, deciding to be as honest as possible. "I have feelings for you… Strong feelings… And… If that's not the way it is for you then Abby and I will be ready to leave first-…"

"Whoa, hey," Jane stops me, looking into my eyes, placing her fingers on my chin to tilt my head. "You're not going anywhere, okay?"

"We're not?"

"Yeah, I mean you can go if you want to but… I don't really want you to."

I smile and lean forward to peck her lips again, loving the fact that I can do that now. "We'll stay a little longer." I massage the white scar in her palm with my fingers, leaning closely into her side. I'm afraid to ask about them.

"I'm-… I'm not ready to talk about them," she whispers barely audible.

"You don't have to."

"I will when I'm ready," Jane gives me an apologetic look.

I nod. "Okay." I feel Jane shivering next to me and I kiss her temple. "You should get off the floor," I whisper into her messy curls, smelling her unique smell that makes me tingle.

Jane nods and allows me to help her stand up, our height difference causing me to look up into her eyes. She smiles and pulls me in for another quick kiss. "It might be too early to say I'm falling in love with you," she whispers to me, "but I really, really like you, Maura."

I smile, squeezing her hand in mine. "I really, really like you too." I reach up to kiss her perfect lips again. "I have to go back to Abby."

Jane nods. "I know."

We kiss for a last time before I practically float back to the guest bedroom. I feel like I'm walking on clouds and a part of me is convinced this is a happy dream that I will wake up from every second now. But if it is, I never want to wake up.

I carefully slide back into bed next to Abby, bringing her back in my arms as I try my best not to wake her. She groans slightly and furrows her brow without opening her eyes. "Mommy?"

"Shh, go back to sleep, baby," I whisper, kissing her temple as I shift to get comfortable between the warm sheets.

"Where'd you go?" Abby mumbles, snuggling back into my arms.

"To Jane."

"Mmkay." Abby nuzzles her head into my shoulder and I smile at the movement.

"I love you baby," I whisper. "Go back to sleep."

"Hm hm." Abby nods slightly but I can tell she's already halfway to being asleep. It's only a few minutes later that I fall asleep myself, wearing a love-induced smile on my face.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"His name was Charles Hoyt," Jane whispers, careful not to wake Abby who is taking a nap on the couch in the living room. "He's a serial killer. He killed couples, using a scalpel. We were tracking him for a while before we finally found him. He was in a basement somewhere, I went in." Jane sighs and averts her gaze towards her fumbling hands. "Stupidest mistake I ever made."

I shake my head, trying to look into her eyes. She won't look at me. She's too embarrassed, even though I know she did nothing wrong.

"He surprised me." Jane's voice is nothing more than a soft, defeated whisper. "Punched me to the floor, kept me down…" she sighs and tries to hold back her tears. "The floor was cold and kinda wet, sometimes I can still feel it. I was shaking and I tried to fight back but it was too late. He stabbed his scalpel in both my hands… My partner came to get me just in time before he could slide my throat."

"Oh, Jane…"

Jane shakes her head. "It's okay. It's been a long time."

"How long?"

She shrugs. "Long."

I tilt my head, wanting to know the answer.

"A year." She smiles a sad smile and finally looks up at me. "I never talk about it with anyone."

I nod. I smile at her and carefully, slowly reach out to take her hand in mine. I gently massage the scar in her palm with my thumbs. "What happened to him?"

"Jail." Jane looks at our hands and smiles a sad smile. "He's gone. And I'm fine. I just get those stupid nightmares."

"Do you get them often?"

She shrugs and I see her hesitating. It's worse than I thought. "Yeah," she whispers, barely audible.

"I'm sorry, Jane."

"Yeah… Me too."

I take a deep breath, continuing massaging her palm. I don't know what to say. I can't find any words so I stand up from my chair and step towards the woman in front of me to carefully wrap my arms around her, pulling her in for a hopefully comforting embrace. I smile when she accepts it. Her long, strong arms wrap around my upper body and I sigh into the embrace.

"You're an incredibly strong woman, Jane," I whisper into her dark curls.

Jane just nods into the crook of my neck. "I wish."

"You are." I pull back to look into her eyes. "Those scars are a sign of what you've conquered. That's incredible."

Jane doesn't answer and I can tell she doesn't believe me. I pull away from our embrace and lift my shirt out of my pants, showing her my stomach. There are still some bruises on my sides. They have turned purple and green but they're still visible. I point at the scar across the right part of my back. "One time, I got angry with him because he took Abby's books away. He hit me for what felt like hours and when I went into the shower to try and calm myself down, he broke the mirror and used the shards of it to cut me."

Jane sniffles softly and I feel her warm hand carefully touching the scar. "Maura…"

I pull my shirt back down and look at the detective in front of me. "The first few months, I couldn't even look at myself. But now…" I shrug and feel tears burning in my eyes as I talk openly about something that has been a secret for so long. "Now I know it's a part of me. It reminds me that I survived."

Jane smiles at me and I see tears shimmering in her dark eyes. She doesn't reply and just steps towards me, her lips pressing against mine for a loving kiss. My stomach flutters and I feel myself flying when I accept the kiss, my hands around her neck as our lips press together, fitting perfectly.

I reluctantly pull away after a few moments. "Abby…" I whisper, almost breathlessly.

Jane nods. "I know."

Abby doesn't know about us yet. We want to see where life takes us before we talk to her. So far, I'm just falling more and more in love with this beautiful, strong woman. It has been a week and everyday I think my feelings can't get any stronger, and everyday they do.

I sigh deeply and hide my face into the crook of her neck. She kisses the side of my head as she pulls me close. "What's the plan for this afternoon?"

"A meeting with my lawyer," I answer, turning my head to look at Abby who is still sleeping. "And I have to stop by the bank to drop off the papers."

"But everything's pretty much settled, right?"

I nod. "Yes."

Thanks to Jane. I know she doesn't have that much money, but she insisted on paying for a lawyer. I refused many times, but I knew I didn't have a choice. I needed a lawyer to get my money, and once I do, I'll pay Jane back. The divorce is almost final, our old house is already up for sale, and the money takes a while, but it's getting there. Once I have it, we can go look for a house. A house, a dog, a school for Abby… A new life. I can't wait.

"I'm gonna miss you two," Jane whispers with a slight blush.

I smile at the adorable sight. "We'll miss you too." I peck her lips and caress her cheek for a moment. "But I don't think you have to miss us for long."

"I hope not." Jane chuckles and squeezes my sides.

Abby turns on the couch and groans quietly, causing us to break apart and turn our attention towards my daughter. She slowly sits up and rubs her eyes, looking sleepily around the room.

"Hi, baby." I smile and walk towards my beautiful girl. "You slept for quite a while."

Abby nods as she yawns.

I chuckle and sit down next to her, smoothing her messy hair as I kiss her temple. "Did you have a good sleep?"

"Kinda." She shrugs and snuggles into my side. "I dreamed about Dad."

My throat closes up and I pull her close in my arms. "Was it a good dream or a bad dream?"

"Bad."

I sigh and stroke her cheek with the back of my hand. "What was it about?"

"The shed," Abby whispers, her facial expression turning sad. "But in the dream I was there alone, without you."

"Oh, honey."

"And then it turned really weird and I was in my old school and everything was really big and I was really small…" She shrugs and tucks her feet up on the couch. "I don't know."

I hum and tighten our embrace. "Are you okay?"

Abby nods. "Yeah."

I smile as I cup her face to look into those green eyes I love so much. I press my lips against her forehead and pull her close. "I love you, baby," I whisper. "He can't hurt you anymore. Ever."

"I know." Abby nods and snuggles back into my arms. "My dreams just don't know it yet."

I chuckle and stroke her freckled cheek. "We better tell them, then."

Abby giggles. "Yeah."

A week later, it is Thanksgiving evening and Abby and I are settled in a small hotel room. Jane asked us hundreds of times to stay with her, but I simply couldn't ask that from her. She's spending Thanksgiving with her family and Abby and I are spending it here, with just the two of us.

The relationship between Jane and me has been progressing slowly. I'm definitely falling absolutely, head over heels in love with her. Every kiss sends me flying into a state of bliss. When we spend time apart, I can't wait to see her again and just simply talk to her. She makes me happier than I ever thought I would be and I'm so lucky she likes me back. I still can't believe it sometimes. But she tells me all the time, so I have to believe it.

We agreed that I would tell Abby tonight. I know she noticed I am closer with Jane than with anyone else, but I don't think she realizes the depth of our relationship. She's slowly turning into the happy child she once was. We are drawing closer and closer to each other and she still can't be without me, but she's so much happier. Her green eyes are sparkling again and that makes me so incredibly happy.

I turn on the small lights I've hung above the bed and smile at the cozy feeling it gives our small room. Abby is in the shower and I just ordered dinner. It's not the Thanksgiving dinner I pictured, but I'm with my daughter and we're both happy. That's all I need.

When Abby opens the bathroom door, her eyes widen at the sight of the adorable lights above the bed. "Sweet lights, Mom." She smiles up at me.

"I wanted to make this Thanksgiving special." I smile and sit down on the bed, resting back against the headboard as I pat the spot next to me to ask Abby to sit down.

"It already is, 'cause it's the first without him." Abby climbs into the bed next to me.

I kiss her temple and relax against the back of the bed. "Just the two of us."

"Can we watch a movie?"

"You bet." I watch her grabbing the TV remote from the nightstand, turning on the TV to look for something to watch. "Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"What's gonna happen to the old house?"

I wrap my arm around her skinny shoulders and pull her into my side. "We're going to sell it."

"And we're gonna buy a new house, right?"

"Yes." I nod and kiss the top of Abby's head. "We just have to wait until the money issues get fixed." 

"Right. 'Cause he took the money."

"Well, technically he didn't take it, he just denied me access to it."

Abby furrows her brow, tilting her head on my shoulder to look at me.

I smile and brush her still wet hair back. "It's taken care of. We're going to get our money back, he will be in prison and we will start a whole new life."

Abby trusts my words and nods. "On a farm."

I chuckle and pull her closer to me. "I don't know if we can afford that, baby. But Jane and I have been looking at houses a little outside of the city, that are a little smaller than a farm but have a lot of space in the backyard."

Abby nods. "That's okay too."

"Okay."

"You and Jane?" Abby asks, looking curiously into my eyes. "But she's not gonna live with us, is she?"

I shake my head. I want her to. But that's too soon. For both of us. "No, she's not." I tuck a strand of damp hair behind Abby's ear and smile at her as I stroke her cheek. "But… There is something I need to tell you."

"What?"

"Jane and I… We're in love."

Abby furrows her brow. "In love?"

"Yes." I hold my breath as I wait for her reaction, afraid because she stays silent for so long. I release my breath when she shrugs.

"Okay."

"Wh-… That's all you have to say?"

"Yeah." Abby smiles an innocent smile. "I like Jane."

"But… I usually don't fall in love with women. And so fast after everything that's happened… I understand if it makes you feel a little uneasy."

Abby furrows her brow again, truly not understanding my concern. "But I like Jane, and Jane likes us, and she makes you happy, so that makes me happy." She shrugs. "I'm not uneasy."

I feel tears burning in my eyes as I cup Abby's cheek, gently stroking her freckles with my thumb. "I love you, baby girl," I whisper before pressing my lips against her forehead. "I love you so much."

Abby shifts closer to me and hides her face into my shoulder. "Are you and Jane gonna get married?"

I laugh and brush my hand through her strawberry blond hair. "Let's not go too fast, baby. We haven't even known each other for that long."

Abby shrugs. "So? What if it's love at first sight?"

"How do you know about love at first sight?"

"I don't know, books?" Abby smiles slightly. "You don't think it exists?"

I sigh and smile a dreamy smile, thinking about the first time I saw Jane, the moment the door of the shed opened and I watched her yelling at me to run. Love at first sight. It exists. "I do," I whisper. "It exists."

"See?" Abby smiles proudly. "I knew it."

I chuckle and pull her back into my arms. "When I saw _you_ for the very first time, baby… I immediately fell in love. So it definitely exists."

Abby giggles and shakes her head. "I meant with Jane, Mom."

"I know. It exists." I kiss her head but get out of bed when I hear a knock on the door, signaling the arrival of our dinner. I open the door, give the boy a tip and carry the dinner tray towards the bed. "Here you go," I say with a smile. "Bakes potatoes, fried chicken and turkey. Just how you like it. And salad and green beans, because let's face it, we have to stay healthy even on Thanksgiving."

Abby nods, smiling when I put the tray on the nightstand. I chuckle when Abby leans over to sneak a piece of potato from the plate. I sit back against the headboard and pull my daughter in between my legs, kissing the back of her head as I pull her close.

"I like this Thanksgiving, Mom," Abby says softly, putting a plate next to her on the bed as she picks the pieces of chicken with her fingers.

"Me too, baby." I take a piece of potato and put it in my mouth. "What are you thankful for?"

Abby shrugs, thinking about the question as she slowly chews on her food. "That we left him," she answers quietly. "And that we met Jane. And that it's just you and me now, and that we're gonna have a new house and a dog."

I chuckle and caress her cheek with the back of my hand. "I never promised a dog."

Abby pouts. "You kinda did."

I laugh and pull her into my arms. "We'll get a dog."

Abby giggles. "I knew it."

I gently sway her from side to side as I kiss the side of her head. "I'm thankful for you, baby," I whisper. "Because you stayed so brave and so strong through everything."

"So did you, Mommy," Abby says quietly. She turns her head and smiles slightly at me. "You're brave and strong too."

I shake my head and close my eyes. "Thank you, baby."

Abby pecks my cheek and scrambles out of my lap to get back to the food, putting the plate into her lap.

"Oh, please use a fork." I chuckle, reaching over her to grab my own plate and two forks, handing one of them to Abby.

"Tastes better like this."

"It's unsanitary. Use a fork."

"It's Thanksgiving!"

"Abby." I tilt my head and give her a look that makes her take the fork immediately.

We eat in a comfortable silence, the movie playing on the TV as we enjoy our simple meal. It's not what I wanted for her, but we're happy and safe. A year ago, the idea of a pre-ordered Thanksgiving meal in bed would have appalled me. But right now, I know this is what we both need. It's nothing special, nothing fancy. But it's us.

After we finish our food, my phone buzzes and I smile when I see that it is Jane. "Jane," I greet her with a smile.

"Hi." Her husky voice greets me and those familiar butterflies start dancing in my stomach again.

"Aren't you having dinner with your family?" I ask her, hearing the faint sound of people chattering in the background.

"Yeah, my ma is getting dessert ready so I thought I'd call you," she replies, her voice laced with a smile, "if that's okay." 

"Of course." I smile, looking at my daughter next to me who is fumbling with her last piece of salad. "I missed you."

I hear Jane smiling on the other end of the line. "I miss you too."

"How is your Thanksgiving?" 

"Fine. Same as usual. My ma says hi, though." 

"Oh, that's nice." I remember meeting Angela. She was quite overwhelming and made me a little nervous at first, but once we talked a little more, I realized she's actually a very warm and loving mother. "Say hi to her back from me."

"Will do." Jane stays silence for a short moment until she coughs slightly. "So uhm… How's Abby doing?"

I look at my daughter and smile a loving smile when I see her head resting back against the headboard, her lips curled up in a slight smile because something funny happened in the movie. "She's doing fine," I whisper. "Just fine."

"Give her a kiss from me, okay?"

"Okay."

Jane sighs deeply and I feel her turning serious. "I feel so bad, Maura," she says softly.

"Why?"

"Because! You are spending Thanksgiving in a small hotel room…"

"Jane…"

"You deserve so much more, Maura."

I swallow a lump in my throat as I feel tears welling up in my eyes. "It's actually pretty perfect," I whisper softly. "The room is not that small, we just had a quite tasty dinner in bed while we watch one of Abby's favorite movies."

Jane sighs. "I know… but still." 

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Jane," I say quietly. "Except… Except it would be nice to have you here. But it's better for Abby like this."

"Hm?" Abby looks up at me as I mention her name.

"Oh, nothing baby. I'm talking to Jane."

"Hi, Jane!" Abby smiles, talking into my phone.

"Hi, Abs." Jane chuckles.

"She says Hi back." I stroke Abby's cheek as she nods and turns her attention back to the TV.

"Is uhm… Is it okay if I stop by tomorrow?" Jane asks softly.

I smile to myself. "Of course. You know where to find us."

"I know we haven't even known each other for that long but…" Jane sighs and I know she has that uneasy, blushing look on her face like she does when she's trying to find the right words to express herself. "I-… I really do miss you, Maur."

"I miss you too."

"Maura…"

I feel tension and caution in her voice, like she's afraid that the next words she'll say will ruin everything. But I know what's she's going to say. I know it might be too early but I know I won't regret it. It's too early to say it out loud but I know we both feel it. "I know," I whisper softly. "I do too, Jane."

She swallows hard and I hear the phone shifting. "I know."

"Mom," Abby pokes my arm, pointing at the TV, "you have to see this, it's is the best part."

I smile at my beautiful girl, knowing that she should be the center of my attention tonight. "I have to go," I say to Jane.

"Yeah, me too."

Neither of us is hanging up and I hear Jane chuckling. "Don't tell me we gotta play the 'you hang up first' game, okay?"

I laugh and shake my head. "No. Go be with your family."

"You go be with yours," Jane whispers. "She needs you."

"I will." I wrap my arm back around Abby's shoulders, my fingers tucking her golden hair behind her ear. "Bye, Jane."

"Bye." I hang up the phone and sigh when I feel the butterflies in my stomach stopping their dance, leaving a kind of emptiness. Luckily, that emptiness gets filled with a different feeling as I wrap both my arms around my daughter, pulling her into my side as I kiss the top of her head.

Abby snuggles into my side and fumbles with the sleeve of my sweater. "Jane makes you happy," she whispers.

I nod, feeling tears in my eyes. "She does."

"I hope she stays."

I chuckle and kiss the side of Abby's head. "Me too, baby." I sigh deeply and rest my chin on top of my daughter's head. "Me too."

We watch the movie together, and another one after that. We talk about everything and nothing; about choosing Abby's new school, how she's going to make new friends, the new house we are looking into buying, the dog we are getting and the new life we are starting. She's beyond excited and I finally see that expecting, childish sparkle in her eyes again. She's excited about life again and I've missed that for so long. She's coming back. And with her, so am I.

The next morning, Abby is still asleep when I wake up. The night was way too short for a ten-year old so I let her sleep in while I take a quick shower and get dressed in a pair of black jeans and a pink sweater, styling my hair in my old, familiar curls. I've missed this. I take my time curling my hair and applying my make-up, only getting out when I'm happy with what I see in the mirror.

A soft knock on the door announces Jane's arrival and I hurry towards the door, opening it with a bright smile on my face. "Hi, Jane," I whisper, careful not to wake Abby.

"Wow," Jane's mouth hangs open as she stares at me, "wow, you look… You look gorgeous."

I blush and close the door behind her to wrap my arms around her neck, hiding my face into her messy curls that I love so much. I breathe in her lovely scent and tighten our embrace, wanting to stay like this forever. "Thank you."

"How's Abby?" Jane asks quietly, noticing her absence.

"Still sleeping. It got quite late last night."

Jane hums and kisses the side of my head, a sweet gesture that makes my head spin. "Did you have fun?"

"We did." I smile and nuzzle my face into the crook of her neck. "I told her about us."

"You did?" Jane pulls back to look at me and I immediately miss her warmth.

"Yes." I smile and reach out to grab her hand, simply wanting to touch a part of her. "She took it incredibly well." 

Jane lets out a relieved sigh and smiles a beautiful smile. "Oh, good." She chuckles and shakes her head. "'Cause if she wasn't okay with us…"

"I know." I squeeze her hand. "But she is. She's actually happy with it."

"Really?"

I nod. "Because you make me happy."

Jane just smiles and pulls me back in for a loving hug, pulling me comfortingly close. "You make me happy too," she whispers.

"Jane…" 

"Hm?"

"I'm so in love with you," I whisper hesitantly, burying my head in her curls to hide my blushing cheeks. "You make me feel such strong feelings I haven't felt in so long."

Jane pulls me even closer, her strong arms tightly wrapped around my upper body. "I've never felt like this before," she whispers back.

"You've never been in love?"

She shrugs. "I thought I was. But now that I know what this feels like… I don't think I was."

I pull my head back to smile at her and kiss her lips, keeping our bodies close. "I was in love, with him," I whisper quietly. "And then I stopped. But this time… It feels different. I don't think I can ever stop."

Jane smiles while she kisses me again, making the kiss sloppy and clumsy. We both break out into soft laughter and I feel her forehead resting against mine. I've never experienced this before. I never knew kissing could lead to laughter. It feels so incredibly right. We're like two high school girls in love, yet we are taking things slow. There is still a lot of pain to conquer, secrets to discover and parts to get to know about each other. I can't wait for all of it.

"What are your plans for today?" Jane asks me after a short while.

I shrug. "Not much. I need to prepare for the meeting I have with my lawyer tomorrow morning. And I promised Abby she could pick something to do for this afternoon."

Jane hums and purses her lips. "What do you think she's gonna pick?"

"I'm not sure, she said she's going to think about it while she sleeps so we might find out when she wakes up."

Jane chuckles. "What if she picks Disneyland or something?"

I laugh and shake my head. "Oh, she won't. She's happiest when she's quietly reading a book. She's like me, too many people make her nervous."

"I'm still not sure you didn't just clone yourself into a younger version of you." Jane smirks that smirk I love so much, causing me to chuckle.

"She is different," I reply sternly. "Her cheekbones and jawline are sharper, her hair is a little bit darker and she's more comfortable in social gatherings than I was at her age."

"Okay so you changed a few things so it doesn't look suspicious. Other than that, she's you."

I laugh and squeeze my arms around Jane's waist. "She has his love for animals and caring nature. She's her own little person, that's what makes her so special."

"I know." Jane smiles and places a kiss on my forehead. "I was just kidding."

I hear sheets ruffling and Abby's voice calling out to me. "Mom?"

"I'm here," I answer, untangling myself from Jane to walk back towards the bed. "Good morning, baby."

She mumbles something that probably means 'good morning' as she shifts back into her pillow, happy to know that I didn't go away. "Come on, get up honey. Time to get dressed for breakfast."

Abby growls and shakes her head. I look up at Jane and tilt my head. "She definitely doesn't get that from me."

Jane laughs and takes off her coat, putting it over a chair in the corner of the room. "So what did you pick to do today, Abs?"

"What?" Abby rubs her eyes and sits up to look at Jane. Her eyes widen when she remembers. "Oh! Yeah uhm…"

"Turns out it's difficult to think while you sleep, huh?" Jane smirks and Abby giggles sleepily.

"Yeah." She thinks for a while until she clasps her hand together. "Can we go to the park with Joe Friday?" She looks up at me, raising her eyebrows. "With Jane? Or does Jane have to go?"

"I don't have to go anywhere."

Abby smiles a bright smile. "Can we, Mom?"

I brush her messy bed-hair back and place a kiss on her forehead. "Of course, honey. You get to pick!" I smile up at Jane and see a loving sparkle in her dark eyes. "That sounds like a lovely afternoon."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Oh, Jane." I gasp as she pushes me up against the wall, her lips crashing against mine, her strong arms pulling me close. Her hands tangle in my hair and my stomach tingles like I'm in heaven.

We're at her apartment, waiting for our new house to be painted. The holidays went by quietly and quickly, and the long, cold winter months have settled in. We spent Christmas eve with just me and Abby, and we were invited to Christmas dinner with Jane's family. They are incredibly overwhelming, a little loud and sometimes invasive, but they're a real family. They care for us, they might even love us. I felt at home and I know Abby did too, even though we both needed a day of rest after the whirlwind that is the Rizzoli-family.

Abby is in the shower and we take the short time we have for a much needed and much appreciated make-out session. We haven't gone any further and it's perfect like this. I crave her touch, her kisses and her everything. Usually our touches are slow and loving. But this time, we're desperate. Needy. Passionate. It surprises me, delights me and scares me a little. But it's a good kind of scared.

Her tongue traces my bottom lip and I immediately grant her access, moaning at the taste of her. I tighten my arms around her waist and pull her impossibly closer, making it hard for both of us to breathe but I was light-headed from the kiss anyway. We break apart, our lungs screaming for air and I feel her lips on my cheek, my jaw, my neck, my shoulder…

And then I panic. She pulls my blouse out of my skirt and her strong hands roam over my back, but her hands suddenly turn into his hands. I don't feel her softness, her gentleness and her care anymore. I feel rough hands, claiming me, marking territory. Her fingers brush against the scar on my back and my world goes black.

"NO!" I scream, gasping for air. I fall to my knees and crawl towards the other wall in the kitchen, curling up into a ball so he can't hurt me. I wait for him to roughly pull me off the floor, I wait for him to pull my hair, punch me in my face, kick me in between my ribs. And when nothing happens, I only panic more. He's thinking of ways to hurt me. That's why it takes so long. "No, please," I whimper into my arms, "don't hurt me, please. Please!"

I faintly hear a voice, but it doesn't enter my mind. I only see black, and some red spots. I only hear his voice telling me how useless I am, how I'm a horrible mother and the worst wife in the world. I only feel his hands on me. I scream and shrug away when I feel them on my shoulder.

I don't know how long I'm sitting in the corner of the kitchen, waiting for the pain to come, until a more familiar voice calls out to me. "Mom!"

Abby. I open my eyes and wait until the world stops spinning. Abby runs towards me and kneels in front of me, her hair still dripping from the shower. She's only wearing a pair of pink panties and she still has a towel in her hands. I want to tell her to run, to go to her room, to get away from him. I want to protect her but I can't speak.

"Mom," Abby places her cold hand on my arm, "Mom, it's okay. He's gone."

And then I realize it. We're at Jane's. I was kissing Jane. She was touching me. She loves me. He's gone. He can't hurt us anymore. It's like my eyes finally open and my body releases a painful sob as I lower my legs and pull my little girl into my lap, wrapping my arms tightly around her.

"It's okay, Mommy," Abby whispers, her voice thick with tears as her short arms wrap around my neck. "We're safe with Jane, you told me yourself. Jane's gonna do anything she can to protect us, remember? She pinky promised."

I nod against Abby's wet hair. "Y-yeah." My voice is hoarse and weak. "We're safe."

Abby nods against me and I feel her relaxing a bit more as she hears my voice. I pull her impossibly closer, like she's my last lifeline. "We're not alone anymore, Mom," Abby says softly, "we have Jane now."

Jane. I look over Abby's head and see Jane standing on the other side of the kitchen, silent tears trickling down her cheeks as she looks at us. She's fumbling with her hands in front of her stomach and she seems so lost. I reach out my hand to her, but she shakes her head. "Please," I whisper, fresh tears burning in my eyes. "Please."

She wipes her cheeks and hesitantly walks towards us, but she makes up her mind when I let out a silent sob. She slides down next to us, her back against the wall as she gathers both Abby and me in her arms. I rest my head against her shoulder and feel her lips on my forehead. "I'm sorry," I whisper hoarsely.

Jane shakes her head. "Don't be."

I gently rub Abby's bare back and kiss the top of her head. "I'm sorry," I repeat quietly.

"It's okay." Abby pulls away from my chest and smiles a watery smile.

I cup her face and rub her cheeks with my thumbs as I look into her eyes. "I didn't mean to scare you, baby."

"It's okay." Abby shrugs and I feel a violent shiver running down her spine.

"Oh, please go put on some clothes, honey." I smile as I pull her back into my arms. "You're freezing."

Abby shakes her head. "I want to stay with you, Mom."

"I'm okay, baby." I brush her wet hair back and squeeze her skinny body in my arms before I let her go. "I promise."

She hesitates, looking back from me to Jane. I suddenly realize how this must look to her and my eyes widen. "Oh, no honey. Jane didn't hurt me."

Abby lowers her gaze, her cheeks turning pink with a shameful blush like she's been caught doing something bad.

"I just panicked because I got caught up in some bad memories," I say softly, tilting Abby's chin to make her look at me. "Jane didn't hurt me. I promise."

Abby nods, her eyes shooting quickly to Jane.

"I would never hurt her," Jane whispers, her voice hoarse with emotion. "I love her way too much for that."

I shoot my attention to her, my eyes suddenly burning with tears. We've never said it out loud. I know she loves me and I know she knows I love her, but we've never said it. We just feel it and we show it. But saying it feels incredibly right.

Jane carefully reaches out to caress Abby's cheek. "I promise, with all I have, that I will never, ever intently hurt you or your mother. I _promise_ , Abby."

Abby nods, her arms still loosely wrapped around my neck. She looks at Jane as she slowly reaches out her hand, offering her pinky finger to Jane. Jane smiles through her tears as she hooks her little finger with Abby's. "Pinky promise."

I swallow my tears and place my hand on the cold skin of Abby's cheek, but she keeps looking into Jane's eyes. Jane smiles at her and leans forward to kiss her forehead. "I love you both," she whispers.

"We love you too," Abby replies with a slight smile. "Right, Mom?"

I let out a loving laugh and nod my head. "We do." I turn towards Jane and untangle one of my arms from Abby to cup Jane's cheek and capture her lips in a quick but loving kiss. "I love you."

When Abby shivers again, I turn away from Jane and look at my daughter. "Get dressed, honey. You'll catch a cold."

She hesitates for a second, but then she nods. She leans forward and kisses my cheek, a sweet gesture that brings tears to my eyes. I pat her bottom as she stands up and heads towards the bedroom to get dressed. "Make sure to put on your blue leggings, baby," I call after her, "the black ones are too cold for today."

"'Kay!"

I turn my body towards Jane and tangle one of my hands into her messy curls. "I'm sorry. I-… I don't know what happened."

"It's okay." Jane smiles a sad smile. "I used to get it every time someone grabbed my hands."

"You did?"

She nods. "Until you."

I smile, falling for this woman all over again. I don't know if it's possible, but I think I met the love of my life and fell for her in less than a few months. And I'm still falling. I don't think I can ever stop. I look into her deep brown eyes and I know I'm gone. I'm forever gone. Her eyes wrinkle around the edges as she smiles at me, that beautiful smile that still makes my stomach do flips.

I lean forward and softly place my lips on hers, our gentle kiss lingering for a few moments. "I feel so privileged to get to know you, Jane," I whisper against her lips. "I fall harder for you with every single thing I learn."

Jane blushes and averts her gaze. "I-… I know it might be rushed and too soon, b-but…" she sighs and gets lost in her thoughts for a second.

I gently squeeze her hand in mine, silently telling her to continue. "I know," I whisper as I rest my forehead against hers, "I feel it too."

"I want to be with you, Maura," Jane says quietly. "Would-… Will you be my girlfriend?"

I laugh, pulling her into my arms for a close embrace. "Oh, Jane."

"Wha-…, are you laughing at me?" Jane pulls back and tilts her head. "You're laughing at me, aren't you?"

I nod. "I'm sorry. I just…" I shake my head and laugh again. "We've been acting like high school girls in love for the past weeks, we can't keep our hands off each other… I think it's safe to say that we're in a relationship."

Jane smiles an adorable, embarrassed smile. "I know. I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page. I can't read minds, y'know? And it's been so fast since you left him and everything…"

I nod. "It has been fast. But…" I sigh deeply and look into her brown eyes. "Even though I was married, I've been on my own for years. It was just me and Abby for so long…"

"Not anymore." Jane smiles and pecks my lips.

I shake my head. "We're with you now."

Jane nods. "You are."

I pull her to me and kiss her lips again, wanting her closer to me. "Thank you," I whisper against her lips. "Thank you, for everything you do and everything you are."

"Thank you for making me fall in love," Jane whispers back, showing that adorable smirk. "And for being the amazing, geeky, brilliant, sweet and awesome person you are."

I shake my head, barely believing her words. I just peck her lips again and whisper how much I love her before I pull myself up from the floor. "I'm going to check on Abby," I say quietly.

"Is she okay?"

I nod. "Yes. I just need to be with her for a while, I think."

Jane sighs and nods slowly. "Maura," she whispers, her voice hesitant and insecure.

"Hm?" I lift my hand and lovingly brush her messy dark curls back, smiling at the beautiful woman in front of me.

"I-… Please promise me that… That you'll tell me when things are going too fast for her?" She sighs and shakes her head. "I just… She's… She's more important."

Tears are burning in my eyes at Jane's words. She truly cares about Abby, more than I thought. We are madly in love but we would both put our relationship on hold for the sake of Abby. "I promise."

Jane nods. "Give her a kiss from me, okay?"

I chuckle and put my lips on hers again for a quick kiss. "I will." As we break apart, I squeeze her arm and walk back to the small guestroom that Abby and I have been sharing for a little too long now. She's just pulling a sweater over her head, turning towards me as she hears me entering the room.

"Hi, baby." I smile and pull her wet hair out of her sweater, letting it flow on her back. "Come here." I sit on the edge of the bed and pull her in between my legs. I look into her green eyes and place a kiss on her forehead.

Abby doesn't smile and just allows me to pull her into my arms. I sigh deeply and brush my hand through her wet hair. "Can you tell me what you're feeling?" I whisper softly.

Abby shrugs. "I don't know."

"Things are moving fast, aren't they?"

She nods.

"Would you tell me if they are moving too fast?"

Abby shrugs again and I see tears in her eyes. "I don't know."

"Oh, honey." I press my lips against her cheek and close my eyes, pulling my girl closer in my arms. "We can go to a hotel again. We don't have to stay with Jane. We can slow things down, it's okay to need more time."

Abby shakes her head and I feel her moving to climb into my lap, curling up into my front. "I don't want to leave," she says quietly but determined. "I like it here."

I sigh deeply and kiss the side of her head as I try to figure out what is upsetting my little girl who is not so little anymore as she curls up to fit in my lap. "It's a lot to take, isn't it?" I whisper, lowering my head to rest my cheek against her forehead. "So many things are changing. We're about to move into a different house, your Mom is suddenly in love, with a woman, your father is gone, you haven't slept in your own bed in a really long time…" I feel Abby nodding against me and I smile a sad smile. "And you're only ten but you feel so much pressure…"

Abby nods and she lets out a quiet sob as her tears start falling down her freckled cheeks. I pull her even closer in my arms and kiss the top of her head that rests on my chest. "But you're still my little Abby," I whisper with a smile. "You're still my little girl and you'll always be my sweet, beautiful girl. That won't ever change, honey."

Abby sniffles and wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand. "Not even when I'm big?"

I chuckle and shake my head. "No. You'll be my little girl until you're eighty, ninety, maybe even a hundred."

Abby giggles. "You're not gonna be still alive when I'm ninety 'cause then you'll be like… A hundred and thirty or something."

I smile and caress my daughter's cheek. "You'll still be my little girl."

Abby shakes her head and her giggles fade. I sigh and my small falls as I rub her back. "I love you, pretty girl," I whisper. "I want you to be happy, more than anything. Please, please tell me if things are moving too fast for you, or making you uncomfortable…?"

Abby nods. "I'm okay. I just…" She sighs and nuzzles into the crook of my neck. "I don't know. I want to help."

"You are helping, honey."

Abby huffs and shakes her head. "No, I'm not. I'm just crying."

I chuckle and kiss the top of Abby's head as I gently wipe her tears with the back of my hand. "You're helping by just being here," I whisper to her. "By just being your wonderful self."

Abby furrows her brow and I can tell she doesn't understand. I don't know how to explain it to her. I don't know how to explain that it simply makes me so happy when she smiles. I don't know how to explain to her that she is the single most important person in my life, that she's a part of my heart and that she makes me happier than anyone ever could or will. "You just make me happy," I say softly as I caress Abby's freckled cheek. "I became a happier person when you were born into this world."

"Jane makes you happy," Abby replies quietly, pulling away to look into my eyes. "You weren't happy before."

I sigh deeply and swallow a lump in my throat. "No, I wasn't. I was unhappy with him. But," I smile a sad smile and brush my daughter's hair back, "whenever I had a really bad day… When I had to work terribly long hours and I lost a patient, and then came home and you were upstairs because he was mad… and he would hurt me…" I sigh and close my eyes as I pull my girl into my arms. "I would go upstairs and there you were, doing homework, or reading… And we would talk and hug and just sit… And that makes me happier."

"Really?" Abby looks at me with those big green eyes that make my heat melt and I nod as I stroke her forehead.

"Yes, really." I smile at my beautiful daughter. "Even when my days are terribly bad, you still make them better. Just by being my little Abby."

Abby blushes slightly and fumbles with her hands in her lap. "I'm not so little anymore," she replies with a sweet smile.

I chuckle at her and pull her closer. "I know, you're growing up so quickly."

"Not any quicker than anyone else my age, Mom."

I laugh at my daughter's intelligence. "Okay, that's true. But to me, it's fast."

"That's just because you're a mom and moms want the kids to stay babies forever." Abby giggles and wipes the last of her tears.

"Oh, that's just not true. Although baby's are adorable, it's an absolute pleasure to watch your children grow into the beautiful people they are going to be."

Abby smiles and I kiss her cheek. She's getting more and more insecure and I know she needs time to get stronger. The recent events have exhausted her and possibly damaged her. But I know she's still the same strong, happy Abby she once was. She's just a little lost right now. And I hope with all my heart I can help her find that Abby again.

"Hey," I cup Abby's cheek and smile as I look into her eyes, "I promise you, that everything is going to be okay. I promise, baby."

Abby nods. "I know it's gonna be okay." She smiles and slightly tilts her head as her brow furrows. "I just wish I knew _when_ it's gonna be okay."

I smile and brush Abby's damp hair back. "Don't you think it already is kind of okay?" I say quietly.

"Yeah." Abby nods and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "It's okay 'cause we got out and we left him and we're with Jane now and we're gonna move into the new house soon and all that… But… I don't _feel_ okay yet, I think." She sighs and smiles a sad smile. "I feel… I-…" She loses her nerve and averts her gaze.

"What do you feel, honey?" I whisper, gently caressing her cheek.

Abby shrugs. "I don't know. It's… Everything's different. But that's good. So I'm not sad about that. But… It's still… Different. Y'know?"

I nod, feeling tears burning in my eyes as I witness my daughter thinking as hard as she possibly can to figure out what she's feeling. "Change is difficult. Even if it's a good change."

She nods and looks back up into my eyes. "My stomach feels weird sometimes, but then I tell my stomach that it's good that everything's different."

"And does it make your stomach feel better?"

"Sometimes yes, sometimes no." Abby shrugs again. "I think my stomach's just confused. And the rest of me too."

"Yes." I smile a loving smile at her conclusion. "Confusion. Getting used to a new life, preparing for everything that's going to change… It's all so much." I nod and place a kiss on her forehead. "And honey, you are doing an _amazing_ job. You're being very brave and very strong. I'm incredibly proud of you, Abby."

Abby smiles and I see pride in her sparkling green eyes. "Really?"

"Oh, yes." I nod and brush my daughter's damp hair over her shoulder. "I couldn't be more proud."

Abby smiles a content smile and snuggles sideways into my front, her head resting in the crook of my neck. I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. "How about we go see if Jane has some hot chocolate?"

"Yeah." Abby's smile grows wider and she reaches up to squeeze her arms around my neck.

"Oh I love you, baby girl."

"Love you too, Mom," Abby whispers, tightening her grip on me before she lets go and slides off my lap, taking my hand to pull me off the bed. "And also hot chocolate. C'mon!"

 _A/N I think this will be the second to last chapter in this, because I'm a little out of ideas. I could go on forever with just the lovely fluff of this new family, but I'm already doing that stuff in my other fics so I don't know if people want to read that. Please let me know what you think!_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N So, this will be the last chapter for now. I have some ideas, but I don't know if I'll be able to get them out. Just give this story a follow, and you'll be updated if I decide to post another chapter._

 _Thank you all so much for your kind reviews, it means the world to me! Let me know what you think, and let me know if you have any ideas for a continuation of this story. I might get inspired and keep going, I haven't decided yet. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!_

Chapter 7

"Are you ready?" My hands are in front of Abby's eyes to keep her from seeing her brand new bedroom in our brand new house.

"Yeah!" Abby nods excitedly.

"Okay." I slowly move my hands away and watch my daughter taking in her new room. The walls are a soft shade of pink and off-white, her bed is laced with small lights, Abby's stuffed animals are already on there. There's a large closet in the corner, the left part of it has door for her clothes, the right part of it is filled with her books. There's a fluffy white rug on the floor and decorative flowers on the wall next to the window. Her posters are already on the wall and I tried my very best to make the room personal and her safe space.

"What do you think?" I ask, as Abby stays silent. "We tried to make it look like your old room, but still make it a brand new one."

"It's beautiful," Abby says, her voice soft and laced with amazement. "It's the most beautiful room ever!"

I sigh in relief and smile at Jane who is standing behind us. "Oh, I'm so glad you like it!"

"It's amazing!" Abby's mouth hangs open as she walks through the small room, admiring the flowers on the wall. "How'd you do this?"

"Oh, they're just stickers." I chuckle and feel my heart swelling at my daughter's bright smile. "Frankie helped me put them up."

Abby nods and opens the drapes to look at the view of the large backyard. The house is smaller than our first one, but the backyard is a lot bigger. We live just inside the city, and Jane's apartment is only fifteen minutes away. That last part turns out to be more and more important. I want to stay with her for a long, long time. I want to spend my life with her, to share my ups and downs, my fears and doubt, my happiness and love with her.

We spent the past two weeks moving and decorating. It's been exhausting and I'm endlessly grateful for Jane's brothers. Frankie and Tommy both helped with the move, as well as Barry Frost, a fellow police officer of Jane's. I spent hours with Jane at several stores, trying to find the right things to decorate the house and make it a home. I'm pretty sure she hated most of it, but she did it for me. And I loved it. I loved strolling through the aisles with her, holding her hand, asking for her opinion, which was pretty much always 'whatever you want'. She helped me change the pillows ten times on every couch, return two rugs and buy new ones, pick out kitchen cabinets, put my shoes back into their boxes and my clothes in the right place. She complained and complained, but she never left. She stayed with me and she always kept that loving smirk on her face. I love her. With all my heart.

I feel Jane's strong arm wrapping around my waist and I smile as I look into her eyes. "She loves it," I whisper.

Jane nods. "Told you." 

I slap her arm and lean into her side as I look back at my little girl. "Are you ready for the next surprise?"

Abby looks at me with an exciting smile. "There's more? There's already swings in the backyard!"

"Yes well, they were already here from the previous owners. Come on," I pull away from Jane and take Abby's hand. We walk downstairs where Frankie is waiting in the living room with the surprise.

Abby gasps loudly. "MOM!" She lets go of my hand and runs towards the golden retriever that is patiently waiting next to Frankie. "Mom, he's beautiful!" She slides on her knees and giggles when the dog gets up and starts attacking her with licks and cuddles.

I smile and kneel next to my daughter, stroking the dog's head. "I know you wanted a puppy, but this dog was left at a shelter and he really needed a home. His previous owners didn't treat him very well."

Abby nods, still wearing a beautiful smile on her face. "Is it a boy?"

"Yes. He's five years old and fully trained. We just don't get to name him, he already has a name."

"What is it?" Abby looks at me, her hands still petting the dog's head.

"Barney."

Abby smiles and turns her attention back to the dog. "I like that name. It's like a name for an old, wise dog."

I chuckle. "He's not that old. He's only five."

"Yeah, but that's like… Older in dog years." Abby shrugs. "But he's gonna be an old dog someday and I like the name Barney."

"I'm glad." I smile when Abby plays with the dog, rolling over the floor with him. "I see you are already great friends."

Abby nods. "Yeah."

"Just remember that you have to walk him when you get out of school. I'm not doing it all by myself."

"Of course!"

"Yes, now it's of course. But I expect this promise to count for as long as we have Barney, okay?" My voice is strict and I cup Abby's cheek to make her look at me.

Abby nods and smiles at me. "I promise."

"Okay." I smile and kiss her forehead as I pull her in for a quick hug.

"Thanks, Mommy," Abby whispers. "It's the best surprise ever."

"I'm happy you're happy." I brush her hair back and pat her bottom. "Go show him the yard, I bet he'll be so excited."

"Yeah." Abby smiles a bright smile and takes the dog by his collar, running outside.

I chuckle at the sight and stand up to smile at Frankie. "Thank you for bringing him here."

"No problem." Frankie shrugs, his kind brown eyes sparkling. "I gotta go though, is there anything else you need?"

"I'm okay, thank you. You've already done too much."

Frankie brushes my grateful words away. "No problem. That's what's family's for, right?"

My heart bursts with love at the word 'family'. I never had a family. Not like this. We had his mother, Abby's grandmother… But it wasn't like the Rizzoli family. It wasn't loud and fuzzy and warm and overwhelming. And the fact that Frankie calls it my family too makes my heart swell. "Thank you," I say quietly, smiling at him.

"I'll see you Sunday, right?" Frankie zips up his coat.

"We'll be there." We say goodbye to Jane's brother and I feel Jane's fingers lacing with mine as I close the front door. I look up at her and see a loving sparkle in her dark eyes.

"Hi," she whispers, showing that beautiful smile of hers.

"Hi." I shift closer and squeeze her hand, simply staring into her eyes. We hear the beautiful sound of Abby's giggles and a dog barking coming from outside so I take her hand and lead her outside into the backyard.

She sits down on the edge of the small porch and tugs my hand to pull me in between her legs. I smile as I feel Jane's strong arms wrapping around my waist from behind, her warm lips against my neck. It's quite cold to be outside without a jacket but I barely feel it. It's like our love warms me up from the inside.

Abby is running around with a large water log stick, causing Barney to bark and hop around her. Abby's skirt has stains of mud, her hair has fallen out of her ponytail and her cheeks are pink with a healthy blush under her beautiful freckles. I feel tears burning in my eyes at the sight. She looks so happy. So carefree. So young, so beautiful.

I feel Jane's scarred hand wiping my cheek and I realize I'm crying. I rest my head back against her shoulder and feel her lips on my forehead. "She's happy," I whisper with a smile as tears trickle down my cheeks. "God, she looks so happy."

Jane just nods and pulls me even closer. "So do you," she whispers into my ear. "It looks gorgeous on you."

"I am happy." I close my eyes and inhale the fresh air. "We're not there yet, I know we're not. Abby still doesn't sleep in her own bed, I get anxious when I leave her for more than a few hours… You and I haven't made love yet and I know I can't make you wait forever even though there's nothing I want more…"

"Hey," Jane cups my cheek and makes me look at her. "I love you. I'll wait. For as long as we need, okay?"

I nod, swallowing a lump in my throat. "I just don't want to be unfair to you."

"You're not." Jane shakes her head and I see determination in her dark eyes. "You've given me more than I could ever dream of. You and Abby are going to be fine, even if it takes time. And I'll be there along the road. All the way, no matter how long it is. I promise."

"I don't know how long the road will be," I whisper, looking into those deep eyes I love so much. "I know we started the road to happiness, but…" I sigh and avert my gaze towards my little girl and her dog, "I don't know when we will end it."

"No one knows." Jane shrugs and I feel the side of her head resting against mine. "But I know that I want to share that road with you, Maura," she whispers. "I'll be here."

"I know." I smile and close my eyes as I listen to the sound of my daughter's laughter. "I love you, Jane."

"I love you too." She kisses my temple and I open my eyes when I hear Abby's laughter fading. She's taking the dog's collar and walking towards us.

"Is Barney tired?" I open my arms and legs and shift backwards to pull her in between my legs.

"Yeah, and me too." Abby giggles and caresses the dog's head that rests on her lap. "He's a great dog."

"He is." I smile and kiss the top of her head. "I think he's a great asset to our family, isn't he?"

Abby nods. "Yeah." She rests back into my front, her small hands ruffling Barney's golden hair. "Is Jane in our family too?"

I look back at Jane and wink at her. "Yes, I guess she is."

"Is that okay?" Jane asks softly, caressing Abby's cheek for a moment.

"Yeah." Abby nods and shows a slight smile. "Are you gonna be our family forever?"

Jane sighs and rests her hand on Abby's upper arm. "I hope so, baby."

"I hope so too." Abby smiles contently and relaxes into my arms. "I think it's a good family like this."

I press my lips against my daughter's temple and pull her closer into my front. "I think so too, honey," I whisper. I turn my head and look at the beautiful woman behind me. "We'll be together all the way along the road."

Jane nods and places a quick kiss on my lips. "All the way," she whispers softly. "For as long as it takes." She reaches out her hand and I feel tears in my eyes as I watch her reaching out her pinky finger to me. I hook mine with hers and look deeply into those breathtakingly beautiful brown eyes as she smiles at me.

"Pinky promise."


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N After a really long time I finally decided to update this story! I was hesitant to add more to it, because I liked the way it ended. And now the show is over, the fandom is not as active as it used to be and I thought 'what the hell' and uploaded this chapter. I've had it written for a long time, and I think there will be some more._

 _I know I'm horrible at frequent updates, but I'm trying! It's hard to find the time to write lately. Please let me know what you think and if you'd like to read more. I love to get reviews from all of you!_

Chapter 8

"Hi." I smile lovingly at her as I lie on my side in my bed, my face close to hers, my hand caressing her sharp cheekbone.

She smiles back, a sweet smile that curls her lips and makes her dimples show. "Hi."

I look into her dark eyes and feel a happy tingle in my stomach. Every single time I look into those eyes, I fall in love all over again. Just when I think I can't love her more, I do. She's so strong. So beautiful, funny, caring and gentle. She makes me laugh. She makes me feel loved, she makes me feel beautiful.

"You're so beautiful, Jane," I whisper in the dark. "God, you're so beautiful." I trace her cheek with my fingers, moving them to her nose and lips. Those lips that are so very lovely to kiss.

Jane averts her gaze and I see her blushing in the dimmed light of the bedroom. "So are you, Maur," she whispers softly. "You get more beautiful everyday."

I smile and shift closer towards her to kiss her lips. Her hands tangle in my hair and we take our time. Exploring, feeling, loving. I move my hands under her shirt, feeling her toned stomach and back under my fingers. Her skin is warm and soft, even though her muscles are hard and there's not an inch too much fat on her body. I tell her to eat more, but she keeps living on irregular, quick meals and coffee. I don't even care. She's gorgeous.

When we pull back from the kiss, our foreheads rest together and I close my eyes. "I'm nervous," I whisper in all honesty.

"I know. Me too." She smiles and brushes her thumb across my lower lip. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

I shake my head and quickly peck her lips. "No. It was a wonderful idea." I smile at her, my hand still on her cheek. She asked her mother to take Abby shopping for some school supplies. She starts next week, on a brand new school. Abby is comfortable with Angela. She doesn't want to spend too much time away from me, but an afternoon with Angela made her quite excited.

Jane made lunch for the two of us and we had the most amazing time together. Just talking, kissing, being together. Our make-out session heated up very quickly and we took it upstairs, closing the blinds, lighting a few candles. Maybe we shouldn't have made it such a big deal and let it be spontaneous, but my stomach is tingling in a good way, I think.

"We don't have to," Jane whispers.

"I want to." I close my eyes and shift even closer to my girlfriend, pressing our bodies together.

Jane exhales and wraps her strong arms around me. "Me too."

I chuckle. "Good."

Jane smiles and kisses my cheek before she flips us and straddles me, carefully lowering her lips on mine as she holds herself up on her arms. I pull her on top of me. I want to feel her weight against me, our bodies pressed together. She traces my bottom lip and I grant her access, moaning slightly at the taste and feel of her tongue on mine. My hands push her shirt up so I can roam across her bare skin, but I feel her tensing up when I trace a scar on her back.

"You're beautiful, Jane," I whisper against her lips. "Don't think. You're gorgeous. You're perfect to me."

She smiles shyly before continuing our kiss and allowing me to pull her shirt up higher. We have to break apart for me to pull it over her head and I bite my lip as I stare at my beautiful girlfriend dressed in a black cotton bra. She smirks and I watch her long fingers unbuttoning my blouse, carefully, slowly moving it away to reveal my purple lace bra. She smiles as if she's looking at the most beautiful, rare piece of art she's ever seen. It brings tears to my eyes.

I sit up with Jane straddling me and press my lips back against hers as my fingers struggle to unclasp her bra, but I'm shaking with both excitement and nerves. She chuckles into my mouth. "Having trouble?"

"Yes." I laugh and rest my forehead against her chest. "I'm just nervous."

"We don't-…"

"I want to." I look up and I feel my fingers finding the way to undo her bra. "I do." I toss the underwear aside and moan as I look at her perfect breasts. Smaller than mine, but beautiful. They're Jane. Perfect.

"I've never done this," Jane whispers, looking at me looking at her.

I look up at her and cup her cheek. "Me neither."

She swallows hard and averts her gaze. "I-… I don't want to disappoint you."

"Oh, Jane." I change our position to sit up on my knees and wrap my arms around her, feeling a shot of arousal trickling down my spine as I feel her naked breasts touching my skin. "You could never, ever disappoint me." I take her hand in mine and carefully lower it towards my underwear, our pants long forgotten. "Feel that?" I whisper softly, guiding her fingers to press against the soaked fabric. "That's what you do to me, Jane. I haven't felt like this in years, but you arouse me with just a look."

My words seem to give her a confidence boost because she flips us and straddles me to continue our passionate kiss. I moan as the kiss turns firmer and harder, but it's never aggressive. It's always soft and loving. After a few moments she pulls me up and quickly unclasps my bra. I stop my movements and furrow my brow as I see her just staring at my chest. That's it. This is what makes her walk away. I lift my arms and cover my bare breasts, but she stops me.

"Maur…"

"I'm sorry-… I know-…" I shake my head. "They look smaller in underwear. I'm sorry I-…"

"Hey." She cups my cheek and looks at me with worry and love. " _I'm_ sorry. You're perfect. Absolutely perfect. I was just staring in awe." She lowers herself and kisses me again. "Perfect," she whispers against my lips, one of her hands moving up to cup my left breast, gently feeling it. "You're gorgeous, Maura. All of you."

I smile as I look into her eyes. The way she looks at me takes all my insecurities away. She truly does find me beautiful. I don't know why, but she does. I pull her back to my lips and cup her firm ass in my hand as I pull our bodies together. She moans as our hips touch, both our centers aching to be touched.

We kiss for a few minutes until I feel we both can't take it anymore. "Please," I whimper. "Touch me."

Jane is breathing hard against my lips. "H-how?"

"Just do what you like done to yourself." I take her hand in mine and gently lower it into my lace panties, but she loosens herself and slides my underwear down my legs first before doing the same with her own. I bite my lip as I look at her.

She takes my hand back and smiles at me, a smile of nerves and love. I kiss her lips and lower her hand, gasping when her fingers touch my wet heat. I keep my hand on hers as she slowly starts rubbing me, eliciting a sweet tingling feeling I haven't felt for so long. I let out a low moan and surprise myself at being this loud. It only seems to spur her on because her strokes intensify, making me feel better and better.

When she sets a rhythm, I let go of her hand and put my arms around her upper body, my fingers clawing at her skin. Her touch feels so good on me. So heavenly good. My entire body is on fire, every single nerve ending filled with pleasure.

"God, Maur," she moans against, her lips brushing against my neck. "You're so sexy."

I just moan in response. I'm too far gone in heaven to response. But when she lowers her hand and brushes against my entrance, I stop her by putting my hand on hers. She immediately pulls back and looks at me.

"I'm sorry. I-…" 

"N-no." I shake my head and pull her hand back down. "Just… Not inside." My voice is barely above a breath. "Just keep doing what you did." I smile and close my eyes again. "It feels so good."

She hesitates at first but when I moan loudly as she touches my clit, she gets her confidence back. I feel her lowering herself and I gasp when her tongue traces my hard nipple. "God, Jane!" I moan and my hips buck against her touch. Her mouth does delicious things to me, eliciting a sweet tingling feeling all over me. "Yes!" I gasp and struggle to keep myself from screaming out.

She senses what I need and she pulls back from my chest to look at me. I lock my gaze with her, seeing lust and sex in her dark eyes. She flicks her fingers again and I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling myself tumbling over the edge. I think I'm crying out a few profanities and incoherent words, but I'm not sure. I'm too overwhelmed by the delicious feeling Jane is causing. Wave after wave of pleasure consumes my entire being, my back arches off the bed and I feel my muscles shaking before I collapse back down, every single inch of my body satisfied and humming in pleasure. Without a doubt, this was the best orgasm of my life.

When I regain my senses, I open my eyes and look up to see my girlfriend smirking at me. She quirks an eyebrow and her lips curl up into a smile. "Damn."

I don't know why, but I break out into laughter. Maybe it's relief, maybe it's the orgasm, I don't know. "God, that was good," I say softly, my voice hoarse. I pull her lips against mine for a loving kiss. "Hmm," I chuckle into the kiss. "Delicious."

Jane groans softly and I can tell she is just as aroused as I was just moments ago. We kiss for a few moments longer until I can feel the strength coming back into my muscles so I can flip her and change my attention towards her straining nipples, lavishing them with my tongue. She moans, her husky voice like the most erotic music to my ears.

I hesitate at first, but when I feel how wet she is and how she responds to my touch, I know what to do. I touch her like she touched me. I don't enter her. I don't know if she wants me to, but it feels right to keep my focus on her clit. She's wet, warm and slick and I know I'll never get tired of this. I hear her low moans, her quiet gasps and I feel her arms around me, pulling me impossibly closer. She doesn't take long. She calls out my name when I push her over the edge, and it's the most beautiful sound in the world. She looks beautiful. Naked, writhing in pleasure, her mouth slightly open as she breathes hard and moans softly. One of her long arms is locked around my upper body as the other arm is lying next to her head, her hand fisting the sheets.

When she opens her eyes again, she smiles a tired smile at me and I fall for her all over again. I fall head over heels, absolutely, undeniable all over in love with her. A few black curls are plastered to her face and I brush them back as I adore that love-induced, after-sex smile of hers. "I love you so much, Jane," I whisper before I kiss her beautiful smile. "So, so very much."

"I love you more." She smiles again as she tries to regulate her breathing.

"That's impossible." I shake my head. The amount of love I feel right now, can't be topped.

She's too tired to argue. She pulls me into her arms and we lay on our sides facing each other, our legs tangling together, sweaty bodies pressed against each other. Our faces are just inches apart as I stare into her eyes. "Thank you," I whisper.

"For what?"

"Making me feel good. Allowing me to make you feel good."

Jane smiles and pecks my lips. "You're welcome anytime."

I look into her eyes as I brush her hair back, but I gasp when I hear the front door opening downstairs. "God, what time is it?" I hurry out of bed and search for my clothes, thinking about Abby and Angela downstairs. "Where did you throw my pants?"

Jane chuckles and slides out of bed, slipping on her discarded panties. "No idea. Hallway, probably."

I find my jeans and quickly put them on before throwing a sweater over my head. I run out of the room but turn around right before I open the door. I cup Jane's cheek and smile as I place a quick kiss on her lips. "I love you."

Jane chuckles and kisses me back. "I love you too."

"Mom?" Abby's voice calls out to me and I hurry downstairs where I hear a dog barking and my daughter's voice talking to him.

"I'm here!" I smile a bright smile as I see Abby taking off her coat in our living room, throwing it on the couch before she runs towards me, almost knocking me over as she wraps her arms around my waist. "Hi, baby," I say softly, kissing the top of her head. "Did you have a good time?"

Abby nods. "Yeah."

I look over her head and smile at Angela. She smiles at me and winks. "We had a great time. She's all ready to start school on Monday."

"Good. Will you tell me how much you owe me?"

"Oh, don't worry about that." Angela waves my offer away. "I wasn't much."

"I insist." I comb my fingers through Abby's hair, feeling her exhaustion and need for her mother. "Please."

Angela sighs but complies. She roams through her purse and gets out a few receipts, reluctantly handing it to me. I smile a grateful smile as I take them. "Thank you. And thank you for taking her."

"No problem." She smiles and strokes Abby's arm. "We had a great time, didn't we?"

Abby nods and turns away from me, leaning back against my legs. "Yeah. Thank you again."

Angela chuckles. "You're welcome, darling."

"Hi, Ma." Jane smiles as she walks downstairs, wearing her clothes again. "Has Abs been good to you?"

"Definitely."

"Would you like some coffee?" I ask, my hands on Abby's chest in front of me.

"No, thank you. I have to get going." She steps towards us and kisses first Abby's cheek and then mine, the motherly love in her eyes overwhelming me for a moment. She gives Jane a quick hug. "I'll see you Sunday?"

"Yeah, yeah." Jane rolls her eyes but I see a loving smirk curling her lips. "I'll be there."

We say goodbye to Jane's mother and I feel Abby resting back against me, her small hand grabbing mine on her chest. She's been away from me for almost four hours. A record, since these past few months. I kiss her head, grab the bags of newly bought supplies and lead us towards the couch where I pull her next to me. "So, tell me. What did you buy?"

Abby smiles and snuggles into my side, kicking off her shoes to tuck her feet up on the small couch in our living room. She takes out a box with pens. "These are the best," she says, taking them out. "Look."

I smile as I look at the brightly colored pens. "They're amazing."

Abby nods and takes out a notebook with a cute puppy on the front. "He looks a little like Barney, right?"

"Yes, he does." I chuckle and smooth my daughter's strawberry blond hair.

"And we got some pencils, erasers and Grandma got me a book."

My eyes widen and I look at my girl. "Grandma?"

Abby shakes her head. "Oh I mean, Angela."

I smile lovingly and I realize that she truly is part of our family. As is Jane. We're a family. "It's okay. What book did she get you?"

"This one." Abby takes a book out of the bag and traces the back with her fingers. I have never heard of it. "It's supposed to be a real good one."

I purse my lips. "I bet it is."

She rests the book in her lap and puts the other stuff away. "And we also got some drinks, and a cookie. Gr-… Angela asked if I wanted to go to a toy store but I really wanted to go back home."

"Hm," I kiss Abby's head and pull her close in my arms. "I'm happy you're back home."

Jane steps behind us and I feel her lips on the top of my head. "Tea?"

I smile up at her, feeling content and filled with love. My family is complete. "Please."

"Abs?"

"Lemonade, please." Abby's lips are curled up into a tired but happy smile.

"Coming right up."

I relax against the back of the couch and gently stroke Abby's cheek with the back of my hand. "So, now you're all ready for school this Monday."

Abby nods. "Yeah, I guess." She sighs deeply and rests her head on my chest. "I'm a little bit scared, Mom."

"Of course you are," I whisper, my hand threading in her blond hair so similar to mine. "That's only natural. A new environment, new people… You haven't been in school for a while."

Abby shakes her head and her hands play with my sweater. "I feel like I haven't been in school for a really, really long time. But it's not that long actually."

"No. It feels long because so much has happened."

"Yeah." She sighs and rubs her eyes with her knuckles. "All good things, though."

"Hmm." I kiss the top of her head and smile at Jane who puts a glass of lemonade and a cup of tea on the coffee table in front of us. "All good things."

"It's going to be okay, baby," I say softly, hopefully comforting my daughter. "Maybe it'll be difficult at first but you'll get used to it. I'm sure you're going to do just fine and make very good friends."

"I hope so." Abby shrugs and shifts impossibly closer to me. "It's a really long day Monday…"

"Not any longer than at your old school, is it?"

"Thirty minutes longer."

"Exactly." I kiss the top of her head, knowing very well what's causing her to be nervous. "I'll be there to drop you off and pick you up, honey. I promise."

She nods. "I know."

I purse my lips and wink at Jane who is looking at us with a sweet smile as I silently ask her for a kiss. She chuckles and leans forward to press her lips against mine for a quick and loving kiss. She sits down next to me and I feel her hand on the back of my head, gently massaging my scalp. She kisses my temple and I feel a sense happiness overwhelming me, something I haven't felt in a really long time.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N I got back into the flow of this story, so here's another chapter! Thank you so much for your reviews, it means the world to me. Let me know what you think of this one!_

Chapter 9

I stand in front of Abby's new school and try my hardest to keep my tears at bay while I watch my little girl fumbling with her new backpack. It's her first day back in school today. A brand new school with new teachers, new kids, new classes… And she's afraid. She's incredibly nervous and barely slept last night. I know part of her is excited as well, excited to start her new life. But she has to leave her comfort zone for an entire day and that scares her. And to be honest, I'm just as scared as she is, maybe even more. I know she will be okay today and I know she's kind and she will make friends here, but I have to let her go. And I don't like it one bit.

I take a deep breath and cup her face in my hands, looking into her green eyes. She looks up at me and smiles nervously. "You'll be here after school?"

"Of course. Right here, I'll wait for you." I brush her strawberry blond hair behind her ear. "You're going to be fine, sweetheart."

Abby averts her gaze towards her feet. "What if the people aren't nice?"

"They will be. But if they aren't, you just be nice to them and they'll be nice eventually."

She nods and takes a deep breath. "Okay."

"Okay." I smile, pull her towards me and wrap my arms around my girl. "It'll be okay, honey."

Abby nods slowly as her skinny arms wrap around my waist in an almost desperate grip. She wants to stall the moment of letting go, and part of me wants to as well. I want to keep her in my arms but I know I have to let her go. This is good for her. For us.

"Go." I smile and pull back, cupping her cheeks and pressing my lips against her forehead. "Go have fun."

She adjusts her bag again and smiles nervously at me. I see fear in her eyes but at the same time I see a slight sparkle of excitement, which puts me at ease. She's ready for this. I don't know if I'm ready for this, but she is and that's all that matters. "Bye, Mom."

"Bye, honey." She turns around and I watch her leave, my arms suddenly feeling empty and my eyes burning. I wave at her when she turns around before entering the building, and I quickly turn away when I feel my tears spilling on my cheeks. I don't want her to see me crying. I hurry into the car and sit behind the wheel. I can't let the people here see me like this. I start the car and drive home, biting my lip to keep myself from falling apart.

Tears trickle down my cheeks when I park the car in front of the house. I get out and see Jane waving at me from the living room, her smile making me feel warm inside.

"Hi," she welcomes me and her smile falls when she sees my tears. "That bad, huh?"

I shake my head. "She's okay. She's going to be okay."

"Good." Jane smiles at me and gently cups my cheek to press her lips against mine in a sweet kiss. "Then why the tears?"

"Letting her go is just hard," I whisper. "I want to keep her with me."

"I know. It's good that you let her go, though," Jane replies softly. "School will be good for her."

"Yes, but-…" I sigh and shake my head. "I don't know. She'll have a hard time today, I know she will."

"Why you gotta be so negative?" Jane smiles and tilts her head. "She's going to make new friends and have fun, Maura. She'll be okay."

I feel my muscles tightening and I pull away from her. "You don't know her. Not like I do."

"I know," Jane steps away, sensing my need for distance. "All I'm saying is that we have to let her go at some point."

I shake my head. "You don't know what it's like."

"No, I don't," Jane whispers, her tone careful and soft. "But I do know Abby. I know how smart and kind she is and I know she's going to be okay today."

"You don't know…" I swallow a lump in my throat and feel the flood of tears increasing. "We barely spent any time apart the past few years. I protected her from-… from him… And she protected me… We were together."

Jane nods slowly, her eyes filled with sympathy and tears. "You still are, Maur."

"No we're not!" I feel my hands balling into fists and I know my anger is unfair but I can't help it. "She's over there and I'm here and I can't do anything to protect her!"

"You don't have to protect her anymore, honey," Jane says softly. "There's no one hurting her."

"I want her with me, Jane," I manage to get out through my tears. "She's my little girl."

"I know."

"You don't! You don't have children, you have no idea what it feels like!" I'm yelling now and I can't stop myself. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA!" I move forward and lift my balled fists up in the air before pointing at her. "YOU. DON'T. KNOW!"

"Okay," Jane holds up her hands and a few tears trickle down her cheeks. "I'm gonna go outside for a bit, alright?"

I don't reply. I let out an angry sob and hide my face into my hands while I hear Jane leaving the room, the back door opening as she walks into the backyard. I think about Abby in that big, unfamiliar school with new people and sit down on the couch as tears stream down my face. I think about all that time I had my little girl by my side. I think about my little Abby and realize that my little Abby is now ten years old and she has to start a life. I know she has to learn to leave me, but I never knew how much I have to learn to leave her. This is about me. I have to learn to let her go. This is me, not Abby, not Jane.

"Jane…" I lift my head and sigh in relief when I see her sitting on the porch. "Jane?" I stand up and walk towards her, hoping, praying she won't be upset with me for my stupid anger.

She looks at me when I open the door but she doesn't smile.

"I'm sorry, Jane," I say softly, wiping my cheek with the back of my hand. "I'm sorry, I was wrong. This is just so hard for me, and it was wrong for me to take it out on you."

Jane nods and pats the spot next to her on the porch.

"Thank God," I whisper, barely audible as I sit down and feel her strong arms wrapping around me. I lean into her side, pulling myself as close against her as I can. Her strength amazes me every time. She's so gently with me, like I'm made of thin glass that can break any moment. She touches me with so much care and love but at the same time she hugs me so tightly I feel whole again. "I love you, Jane," I whisper into the crook of her neck where I hide myself.

"I love you too, Maura." She gently rubs her hand up and down my back and wipes the tears from my cheek with her fingers.

"Abby will be okay," I say and for the first time I believe myself.

The day goes by slowly. Jane and I go grocery shopping and I actually get her to bake a pie with me, but we just do it to kill time. She has gone back to work but has taken the day off to be with me today, which I appreciate to no end. I can't even imagine having to spend this day by myself. We laugh, we kiss and make out, we talk and I cry some more, she holds me and we fall deeper and deeper in love.

When the time finally comes, we drive to Abby's school and I wait for her to appear in front of the building, in the middle of all those kids that are walking towards their parents or the bus. Jane stands next to me and squeezes my arm, smiling gently at me.

I smile back but keep my focus on the entrance of the school where I finally see my daughter's strawberry blond hair. "Abby!"

She sees me and I immediately notice how pale her skin looks. She's absolutely exhausted. She's exhausted but she smiles when she runs towards me with her arms open wide, almost knocking me over as she throws herself in my arms. "Oh, my baby," I whisper, fresh tears filling my eyes. I pull back to look at my girl, seeing tears in her eyes. "Hi."

She smiles tiredly at me and pulls her face away from my hands to hide herself back into my arms. "Hi."

I sense that she doesn't want to talk right now so I just kiss the top of her head and look at Jane, nodding my head at the car. "Let's go home."

Jane takes the keys and gets behind the wheel. I squeeze my daughter and let her go to get into the passenger's seat but I feel her holding on to my arm. "What is it?"

She looks at me with tears in her eyes but then she shakes her head. "Nothing." She opens the car door and gets into the backseat, leaving me worried and with my stomach aching as I sit in the front next to Jane. Her hand moves towards my leg and she comfortingly squeezes my thigh while she starts the engine and drives off.

I look over my shoulder and see my daughter staring out of the window with an empty look in her eyes, exhaustion edged on her face. I try to analyze her expression. Is she upset? Sad? Tired? Happy? I don't know. I see a mixture of feelings in my girl.

After a silent drive, Jane parks the car in front of the house and I get out, taking Abby's hand in mine while we walk towards the house. When I hear a soft sniffle coming from next to me, I look at Abby and see tears trickling down her cheeks. "Hey," I lean down and gently cup her cheek, looking into her shimmering green eyes. "What's going on, sweetheart?"

Abby shakes her head. "It was hard, Mom," she whispers through her tears. Her voice breaks and she looks down at her feet. "I don't want to go again tomorrow."

"Oh, baby…" I wrap my arm around her shoulders and lead the both of us inside where Jane is waiting, looking concerned.

She sighs and steps towards Abby to lean down and kiss her forehead. "You did good today, Abs," she says with a smile. "Let me get you something to drink, hm?"

Abby doesn't reply. She turns around when the sound of her dog Barney running into the house startles us. She smiles the first real smile of that day and welcomes the dog in her arms when he jumps her.

"Oh baby, don't let him do that," I say to her. "We have to teach him not to jump people, remember?"

"Right." She sits down on the floor and giggles when Barney tries to lick her face. "Did you walk him today, Mom?"

"Twice." I nod and smile at the sound of my daughter's giggles. It's a beautiful sound that steals my heart every time. But when the dog calms down from the excitement and walks away, Abby's smile falls and her shoulders drop.

I watch Jane putting down a glass of juice on the table before she walks towards me to hand me a cup of hot tea. "I'm gonna give you two some time," she whispers quietly. "I'll just grab some stuff from my house, alright?"

I nod, looking up at her while I wrap my arm around her waist. "You'll spend the night, right?"

"You want me to?"

"Yes," I lean forward to gently press my lips against hers, the touch sending a tickle to my stomach. "Please."

She smiles and nods. "Okay." After another kiss, she pulls away, puts on her coat and walks towards Abby who is sitting on the couch and sipping her drink. She carefully kisses the top of the girl's head, a gesture of love and comfort. Her eyes sparkle with a sweet, reassuring smile as she looks at her. "I'm proud of you," she whispers.

"Are you leaving?" Abby asks.

"Just for a little while, I'll be back before dinner."

"Okay." She accepts a kiss on her forehead and I wave my love goodbye before joining my daughter on the couch.

I reach out to caress her cheek. "So…" I whisper, "how was your first day?"

Abby sighs deeply and puts down her glass before putting her feet up on the couch and leaning backwards. "Hard."

"How come?"

She shrugs. "Everything."

"How are the kids in your class?"

"Fine, I guess."

"And the teacher?"

"Fine too."

I realize I might not get much more out of my daughter and I sip my tea while I let a comfortable silence fall. I wait for Abby to open up and I finished half of my tea when I look next to me to see tears in my girl's eyes. "Hey," I put my cup down and shift closer towards her, "talk to me, sweetheart," I whisper. "Please. What happened today?"

Abby shrugs. "Nothing."

"Baby-…"

"People asked me why I changed schools," she interrupts me. "And I said we moved to a different house, but they asked about my previous school and I said I didn't want to talk about it and I walked away."

My brow furrows when I see the pain in Abby's eyes. I don't see why this seems to be such a problem for her but I feel she's about to continue to I stay quiet.

"Right on my first day I was all alone because I walked away from some kids that were just trying to be nice."

"That's okay, honey," I say softly. "I'm sure they'll understand." 

"I cried at lunch, Mom," Abby whispers through the tears in her eyes, her hands fumbling with the sleeves of her sweater. "I hid in the bathroom."

"Oh, baby…" I feel tears in my eyes and brush my fingers through her strawberry blond hair that is a bit tangled after a long day. "Because of those kids?"

Abby shakes her head and hides her face into her hands.

"Abby, sweetheart… It's okay. I'm not judging you. God, I know how hard it is."

"I-… I c-cried because I m-missed you."

I watch my daughter's shoulders shaking with her sobs and my heart breaks for my little girl. She missed me just as much as I missed her. I want to keep her in my arms forever and in that moment, homeschooling seems like a very good choice to me. Even though I know sending her to school was the right choice. I sigh as I rock my little girl back and forth in my arms, feeling her crying against my chest. "I missed you too, sweetheart," I whisper. "Terribly."

"R-really?"

"Oh, yes. I cried too. A lot." I smile sadly and feel a tear trickling down my cheek. "But I know that this is just the hard part. The first step is always the hardest. After this, it will get easier. I know it."

"How?" Abby leans into my side, staring at her hands on my leg. "How do you know?"

"Beginnings are difficult. We'll get used to being apart, you'll get used to the kids in your class and everything else, I'll get used to a life without-… without having to protect you…" I sigh deeply and close my eyes as I pull her closer against me. "We just need time, honey."

Abby nods weakly.

"And we both took the first step today," I pull back and look at my beautiful daughter. "I'm proud of us."

Abby chuckles. "Yeah, me too. Kinda."

"Kinda?"

"Okay, kinda a lot, maybe. But I'm not so proud because I cried, you know? I'm ten, I'm not supposed to cry for my Mommy."

"Well," I pull her back to our original position, shifting to get comfortable, "I cried for my Abby today and I'm a lot older than you."

Abby nods slightly and she seems to believe me. She rests herself on my chest and I feel her utter exhaustion as her muscles start to relax.

"Can you tell me a little more about your day?" I ask softly. "How was class?"

"It was okay; it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be."

"Hm, you're a bright girl." I smile a small smile as my fingers caress her cheek. "I was fairly certain you'd pick it up quickly."

"Math was a little hard, though."

"You've always been more skilled at linguistics."

"I liked English, we have to read this book. But I don't have it yet, because they didn't have an extra copy for me but I'll get one later."

"So that means you have to keep going, don't you think?" I say quietly to my little girl. "Even if it's just for the book."

Abby hesitates and she fumbles with the sleeve of her sweater, her hands resting on my leg. "What if tomorrow is worse?"

"It could be," I answer honestly. "But we'll get through that too."

"I guess…" Abby sighs and lifts her feet up on the couch. "Will you take me again tomorrow?"

"Of course, baby. I wouldn't let you go alone."

"Thank you," her voice is barely above a whisper and the true, honest gratefulness in her tone causes a lump in my throat.

"I couldn't let you go alone," I whisper mostly to myself. I wouldn't even be able to.

"What did you do today?" Abby asks, turning her head to look at me.

"Oh, not much." I smile when I look into her beautiful eyes that are shimmering with leftover tears. "Jane stayed home today, so we went grocery shopping. Oh, we made a pie! Pecan, like you love so much."

"Ooh, really?" 

"Yes, you can have some for dessert tonight."

"Yeah." Abby smiles and snuggles happily against me, already looking forward to the treat. "Did you have fun with Jane?" she smiles smugly and I chuckle at her.

"Yes, I did." I laugh and brush a strand of hair behind her ear. "You like Jane, don't you?"

She nods. "She made everything a whole lot better, don't you think?"

"Oh, yes. So much better."

"You love her a lot, huh?"

I look into her eyes and feel warmth spreading through my chest, feeling overwhelmed with love for my little girl and my new girlfriend. "Yes, I do," I whisper. "More than I've ever loved anyone ever before."

"More than you loved…" she pauses and looks down at her hands, "than him?"

I stay silent for a second or two. "I loved him for a very short time," I answer softly. "But even during that short time, it felt different. Not like this. He never treated me as kindly as she does." I gently place my fingers on her chin and make her look back at me. "It's not like with him," I whisper. "Not even close, I promise."

"I know."

"I love Jane, and she loves me, and we will for a very long time. I love her more than anything."

"More than me?" she grins up at me, giving me that smirk I know so well.

"Oh, you know very well there's nothing like the love of a mother for her child," I answer seriously. "You, my baby," I caress her cheek, "you're my life."

"Nah-ah, you just said you love Jane the most, I don't believe you anymore." She giggles at herself and squirms away from me. "You gotta make me more pie to let me believe it again!" She stands up and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"More pie?" I purse my lips. "To get some fat on those skinny bones of yours?" I place my hands on her sides and tickle her, eliciting sweet giggles.

"Yeah!"

"No way." I stand up and point my finger at her. "There's pie for you for dessert tonight, and that's it."

"An extra big piece then!" She follows me and hops around me to stand in front of me. Her eyes are sparkling again, and this time not with tears. She's smiling at me and even though the exhaustion is still clearly visible, the smile on her face makes my heart melt.

"We'll see about that." I cup her cheeks and squeeze gently. "You little minx."

She chuckles and moves away from me to find the dog.

"Did you get any homework on your first day?"

"Nope." She shakes her head and sits on the floor, cross-legged in front of Barney's basket. "Well yeah, we have to read that book but I don't have it yet so I get extra homework next week probably."

"Hm." I look at her and shake my head, smiling when love overwhelms me. We sit and chat for a while longer, simply enjoying being together again after a difficult day.

When Jane arrives home, Abby is in the backyard playing ball with Barney and I stand in front of the window looking at her, a cup of hot tea in my hands. I hear her entering and turn my head, smiling at her. "Hi."

"Hi." She drops her bag and takes off her coat before walking towards me and looking where I'm looking. "How is she?"

"She's just fine." I wrap my arm around her waist and lean into her side. "She's tired and it was a hard day, but she'll be okay."

"And you?" She looks at me with concern in her dark eyes, her strong arm tightly around my waist.

I manage a small smile and nod my head. "I'm okay."

"You're tired," she whispers quietly, "and it was a hard day…"

"But I'll be okay." I look at her and my stomach tingles. God, I hope this feeling never goes away. There's nothing like being absolutely, utterly, head over heels in love. I look deeply into her dark eyes and lean up to press my lips against hers, gently and carefully. "Thank you for giving us space," I whisper quietly. "I appreciate it."

She nods. "I know."

"But now I don't want you to go anywhere anymore for the rest of the day, okay?" I smile, place my tea on the window sill and wrap both my arms around her waist, tilting my chin. "I don't need any more space."

"You sure? 'Cause I could go anytime you want-…" She chuckles when I break her off with a kiss. We smile against each other and she rests her forehead against mine when we break apart. "I do mean it, Maura," she whispers. "Whenever you and Abby need some time, just say the word." 

"I know. Thank you." I move closer and snuggle against her, turning my head to look outside where Abby is sitting in the grass petting her dog. "She likes you too, you know. A lot."

"She does?"

I nod. We both look at Abby and chuckle when Barney pushes her over in excitement, the dog being quite large and Abby being quite small and skinny. "I like her a lot too," Jane whispers with a loving smile. "I'm afraid I'm even starting to love that little cuddlebug."

"Well, she has that effect on people." I chuckle and pull myself even closer towards my lover. "I'm so proud of her. Look at her."

Jane nods and I feel her pressing a kiss to the side of my head. "I'm proud of you too, Maura," she says softly. "Today hasn't been easy."

"Tomorrow won't be any easier."

"We'll get through that too. I'll be there."

I pull away to look at her. "You can't take another day off work, Jane. I'm going to have to deal with this by myself at some point anyway."

"Yeah, but maybe not this point."

I shake my head. "No… I'll be okay."

Jane sighs. "How about… How about I'll take just the morning off? I'll be there when you drop her off at school and I'll go to the precinct by lunchtime."

I hesitate and consider protesting, but I know how much I'd love having her there when I drop Abby of for her second day of school. So I nod and agree with her before burying myself in her strong arms again. "Okay then."

"Alright," she leans forward to grab my tea and hands it to me, a sweet gesture that yet again shows her care for me. I smile when I take it from her, untangling one arm to sip the hot liquid.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"You're welcome."

"And thank you for today," I rest my head on her chest and look at Abby who is taking Barney's leash to take him back inside. "We made it."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

She did it. Her first week in school, she finished it today. I turn of the engine after parking the car at Abby's school. Jane has been back to work ever since the day before yesterday, and even though it's been tough to get through the days by myself, I know it's good for Jane to be back at work. She loves her job. She has more energy and she feels more alive when she's out on the streets.

I get out of the car and see a large crowd of kids walking out of the concrete building. I try to spot my little girl and after a few seconds I see a reddish ponytail in between the children. I smile, there she is. "Abby!" I wave and see her smiling when she spots me. She waves at a girl that walks away, says a quick 'goodbye' and hurries towards me.

"Hi, baby." I wrap my arm around her shoulders and kiss the top of her head. "Can I see your classroom?"

She nods and takes me back inside. I have an appointment with her teacher this afternoon, to discuss Abby's first week in school. I know she's been doing okay, but I'd like very much to talk to her teacher. "How was your day?"

"It was okay." Abby shrugs and she leans against me when we walk, showing me just how tired she is. She's utterly exhausted and I wrap my arm tighter around her. "Here it is, mrs. Walter is waiting for us, I think." She points at her classroom and I see a middle-aged short woman sitting behind her desk.

"Ms. Isles." She stands up from her seat and shakes my hand. "Nice to see you again."

"Hello." I nod my head and sit down in the seat she points out, Abby sitting down in a smaller chair next to me.

The classroom is filled with bright colors and I can tell there is room for creativity and art around here. The atmosphere is nice and I feel at ease. I look at the woman in front of me and see kind, grey eyes looking through a pair of glasses. She tucks her blond hair behind her ears and starts talking. "Let me start off by saying that Abby is a great asset to the class."

"She is?"

"Oh, yes. She's a little quiet but she's a bright girl. She's doing well in most classes," she grabs a folder from her desk and opens it to read something. "She has some catching up to do in math," she looks at me and smiles reassuringly, "which is why she's doing some extra work. She's quite advanced in biology, so she's doing those exercises in less time so she has time to catch up on math."

I nod and look at my daughter next to me. She's skilled at biology, and that makes me so proud. I like to think I had something to do with it, I loved teaching her little things about my work when she was younger.

"I understood you used to be a doctor?"

"A trauma surgeon, yes. But-…" I sigh and look into my lap, unsure how to tell her I quit my job due to my abusive husband. "I've been out of it for a while."

"Well, I'm sure Abby has gotten some of your skills." Mrs. Walter smiles and closes the folder. "She's more advanced than most kids her age."

I smile proudly at my little girl and quickly reach out to caress her cheek. "I'm glad she's doing okay."

"She is." The teacher nods and folds her hands. "There's just one thing-… I mean, it's not really a thing… But I've noticed she shuts down in gym class." She looks at Abby and I see care in her eyes. She truly cares about my daughter and that puts me at ease.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… She draws back and creeps into her shell during gym class. She participates like she has to, but that's all." Mrs. Walter sighs and looks at her hands on her desk. "I think maybe… I don't know about your past, but could it have something to do with the fact that our gym teacher is a man?"

A silence falls and I look at my daughter, seeing her staring at her feet.

"I don't mean to put you on the spot-…" she continues, "it's just something I noticed."

"No-… It's okay." I manage a smile when I look back at her. "It's uhm-… It's no surprise she might have some issues with male authority." I swallow a lump in my throat and try my hardest to blink away the tears burning in my eyes.

Abby's teacher averts her gaze and takes a breath. "Would it be better for Abby if we take her out of gym class for a while?" she asks softly, her tone caring. "Abby?"

Abby looks at her teacher but I don't think she really understands our conversation.

"You don't like gym class, do you?" her teacher asks.

Abby shakes her head.

"And it's not because you don't like gym in general, is it?"

She shakes her head again. "I liked gym class at my old school."

"Right. Now, Mr. Gordon is a very nice guy, and I'm sure you'll get used to him in time. But how about we'll take it slow for now?"

"How?" Abby looks at her teacher, confused and tired.

"How about… How about you attend gym class every other week? Instead of every week?"

Abby hesitates and looks at me for approval.

I just smile and nod my head, grateful for her teacher's understanding. I know she has to get used to male teacher at some point but right now it might be good to take it down a bit. "That seems like a good idea, doesn't it?" 

"Yeah." She nods but I know she doesn't fully understand. She doesn't realize male authority makes her uncomfortable. She just knows she doesn't like gym class, but she doesn't know why. She doesn't know the depths of her fears and possibly her trauma.

I reach out my hand and take her smaller hand in mine, squeezing gently to let her know I'm here.

"Other than that, I know Abby is going to be just fine." Mrs. Walter puts the folder away and smiles at us. "If you have any questions, Ms. Isles, just let me know."

I shake my head. "I don't have any for now."

"Well, you have my card." She stands up and shakes my hand again. "I think it's time for Abby to go celebrate the weekend," she chuckles at my exhausted girl and gently touches her arm. "And get a lot of sleep, I think."

"Oh, yes." I laugh and wrap my arm back around Abby's shoulders. "A _lot_ of sleep."

By then I had no idea how our sleep would be interrupted that weekend. If only I knew. When we get back home, Jane is waiting for us, much to my pleasing surprise.

"Hi!" I smile and walk towards the kitchen to cup her cheek and kiss her lips. "I didn't know you'd be home so early."

"I'm not, I'm just taking a break. I have to go back later."

"Hm." I purse my lips and watch her greeting Abby with a sweet ruffle through her hair.

"How was school?"

"Fine." Abby shrugs and sits down on a chair at the dinner table while Jane gets her something to drink. "Oh, Maur," she points at the coffee table, "you got a letter."

I see the white envelope and grab it, but I stiffen when I see the handwriting. "No…" I whisper. It can't be. I'm imagining things. I open the envelope, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. When I unfold the letter and read the first words, I drop the piece of paper on the floor. My entire body is shaking and I put my hand in front of my mouth.

"Maura?" Jane stands up and looks at me, concerned.

I shake my head. I can only look at the letter that is now upside down on the floor. Before I realize what is happening, I'm running upstairs.

"Maura!" Jane hurries after me. "What's going on?" She finds me sitting on the edge of the bed, breathing hard and blinking away my tears. "What was that letter, babe?"

"It's him," I whisper through the lump in my throat. "He sent me a letter-… How… How does he know my address?" I look at my girlfriend who has turned blurry because of my tears. "How does he know where we live, Jane?"

Jane shakes her head, surprised by the information. "It's him?"

I nod.

"What did he write?"

"I didn't read it-…" My breath hitches in my throat and I close my eyes when horrible flashbacks run through my mind. The way he held me down. The way he hit me, kicked me, screamed at me. I feel his rough hands on my back, his dirty shoes kicking me in my stomach. I hear his screams towards Abby, I hear her cries in the back of my mind. I hear my little girl calling out to me when he closed me up in our room, unable to even go to the bathroom.

I can't get out of the flashbacks. I hear his voice, I smell his smell, I feel his hands. He's pulling my hair, telling me how worthless I am. He's shouting at Abby, telling her she's useless. I felt powerless, so powerless as I locked myself in Abby's room, holding her to me as tightly as possible while I whispered to her how much I love her, how she is anything but useless, how she is my entire world. I hear him banging on the door, screaming to let him in. I feel myself crawling away in the corner of the room, waiting for him to break the lock and entering. I put my body in front of Abby's, to at least make sure he'll get me instead of her.

"Maura…" A voice rings through in the back of my mind but I don't register it. It's not until I feel two warm, strong hands on my face that I open my eyes and see a blurry pair of dark eyes looking at me. "Maura… He can't get to you… He's in prison, babe."

I nod and finally feel like I'm back on earth. Jane is here with me, she's holding my hands, looking at me with tears in her eyes. "I don't know how he sent you that," she says softly, "but I do know he's in prison, he's heavily guarded and there's no way he can get to you."

"I know," my voice is hoarse and my breath finally slows down along with Jane's fingers stroking my knuckles. "I don't know why that got to me…"

Jane shakes her head. "I understand." She gets up from her kneeling position to sit next to me. "Nothing to be embarrassed about."

I nod and lean sideways, resting my head in the crook of her neck. I close my eyes and concentrate on the feeling of Jane's arms around me, the feeling of safeness and love I get when she holds me. The way my stomach tickles when her lips press against my temple, the warmth that spread through my chest when I snuggle myself closer.

The feeling of bliss gets interrupted when I hear my daughter's small voice calling me. "Mommy?" 

I look up and choke on my leftover tears. There she stands holding the letter in her shaking hands, tears trickling down her pale cheeks. "Oh God…" I could just hit myself. How could I be so stupid? How could I leave that letter downstairs? In this moment I despise myself. I had to protect her and I failed. I look at her and I know I failed her. Again. There she is, crying because I failed to protect her from him. Even now that he's gone, I still can't keep him from hurting her.

"My baby…" I stand up and lean down in front of her, cupping her face and wiping her tears with my thumbs.

"H-how does he know we live here, Mom?" she whispers through her tears.

"I don't know, honey."

Her bottom lip quivers and I see great fear in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Abby," I whisper quietly. "You shouldn't have read that."

"What if he gets to us again?" 

"He can't, love. He's in prison, remember?"

"Then how did he send that letter?"

"I don't know."

Abby's breath hitches in her throat and her small fists are balling while holding the letter. She stays silent for a while and then looks up at me with those big, green eyes so similar to mine. "I'm scared, Mommy," she whispers while fresh tears trickle down her cheeks.

"I know, sweetheart…" I manage to get out. I wrap my arms around her, lifting her up from the floor as I hug her as close as I can. She doesn't see my tears but I can't stop them. That small voice of hers telling me she's scared; it breaks my heart.

Her skinny arms wrap around my neck and she hides herself against me. I hear Jane slowly stepping towards us and taking the letter out of Abby's hand. She puts it away and wipes a tear from my cheek. I feel Abby lifting her head to look at Jane. "H-he's in prison, right Jane?"

"He is, baby," she answers quietly. "And he can't get out, I promise."

Abby nods but I know she's not convinced. I don't know what he wrote in the letter, but I know it can't be good and it triggered horrible memories. I don't know what to do, so I just decide to handle this the way I used to handle it back when we still lived with him. I sit down on the bed, resting my back against the headboard and taking her in my lap. She shifts sideways and hides herself against me, curling up just like she used to when she was little.

Jane sits down on the edge of the bed and carefully caresses Abby's hair. "You want something to drink?" she asks softly. "A snack, maybe?"

Abby shakes her head.

"Nothing?"

"Water would be nice," I whisper while resting my chin on my daughter's head. She wants to do something, it doesn't matter what.

"Mommy?"

"Hm?"

"What's a dyke?"

I close my eyes and swallow hard. "It's a very unkind word to describe a lesbian," I answer quietly. "A very, very unkind word." How does he know I'm in a relationship with a woman? How can he possibly know all this?

"Did you read the letter?" she whispers.

"No, I didn't." I sigh and rub my hand up and down Abby's back. "It was bad, wasn't it?"

Abby nods. "He says he's coming back."

"He's lying, honey. He can't come back." 

"But… But he says he's your husband-…"

"He's not, we're officially divorced."

"He says he's my father, Mommy," Abby says, her voice high-pitched and small through her tears. "He says he's always gonna be my dad…" She sobs and hides her face into my chest. "Is that true?"

I don't want to tell her the truth. I don't want to tell her that he'll always be her father, even if it's just in the way of conceiving her. "He lost his parental rights to you," I answer quietly while wiping a few tears from my cheeks. "Technically, he's not really your dad anymore."

"Did we divorce too?"

I smile at my little girl's logic. "Yes, sort of."

"So he's lying about that too."

"He is."

"I don't ever want to think about him ever again," she sobs against me.

I sigh and pull her tighter against me. "I know, sweetheart. Me neither."

We stay silent for a while, trying to erase the memories from our minds. It takes a long time for Jane to come back, holding a large glass of water and putting her phone in her pocket. "Here you go," she whispers while sitting next to us. "I made a few calls to the station." 

"Why?"

"I'm gonna get to the bottom of this, Maura," she looks at me, her dark eyes determined. "I'm gonna find out how he got your information."

I smile at her and move my arm away from Abby to take her hand. "Thank you."

"You're safe, Maura," she squeezes my hand. "You're both safe."


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N This story has been going on for two years now and I'm getting worse and worse updating it. I'm so sorry! I hope you guys are still with me, this is a very special story to me. It's interesting to explore Maura without her job as an ME and without her wealth. The show has been over for a while now but these women will never leave me! I hope you like this chapter, your reviews are very much appreciated!_

Chapter 11

I stare at the flames of the fireplace, watching the letter crumbling up and disappearing, those horrible words turning black and falling apart. They can't hurt me anymore. I read it, and now it's gone. I let it go.

It actually put me a little more at ease. I'm still incredibly scared because I don't know how he got my address and the information about my relationship with Jane, but most of his words were mainly empty threats. I know he can't hurt me anymore.

What I am worried about is Abby. She read the letter while I was busy having a panic attack, and she's so afraid now. She's too young to understand all of it. All she knows is that he wrote some awful threats that scared her so much.

When the letter is dissolved completely, I slowly rise to my feet and turn around to see Jane looking at me, her dark eyes shimmering with tears. "I hate seeing you so scared," she whispers. "I wish I could help."

I reach out my arms to her and she wraps hers around me, pulling me into a loving hug. "You are helping."

She just hums as her hands move up and down my back, comforting me. "I have an appointment with the detective that handled your case tomorrow, then I'll hopefully know more."

I nod into the crook of her neck. "Thank you for looking into this," I whisper quietly. "I hope you find something."

"I will, I'll do anything to find out how he did this."

I feel her muscles tensing up in anger and I smile when I rub her back. "Relax, babe."

"Right." She sighs and kisses the side of my head. "Abby's still showering," she adds softly. "She stopped crying, though."

"Good." I close my eyes at the knowledge she's checking up on my little girl. She truly cares so much about Abby.

We stay in the close embrace for a long time, gently swaying in a non-existent rhythm, simply wanting to stay close to each other. When I hear the shower turning off, I slowly untangle myself and look up into brown eyes. "I'm going to put Abby to bed," I whisper before pressing my lips against my lover's lips.

"Give her a kiss from me." 

"I will." After one more kiss, I head upstairs and see Abby putting on a pair of pink pajama pants in her room. "Hi, baby."

She looks at me, her eyes red from crying, dark circles under her eyes from exhaustion. It's been a very long week for her, with the added stress of tonight on top of that, she's broken. "Come here, you." I open my arms and kiss her forehead, smelling the scent of her self-chosen pineapple shampoo. It smells horrible. I chuckle to myself as I pull her towards me. "Did you brush your teeth?"

"Yeah." 

"Okay, time for bed." I gently tuck her in and sit on the edge of the bed while I watch her snuggling into her pillow, her wet hair splayed out underneath her, tired green eyes looking up at me, freckled cheeks pink with exhaustion. My beautiful little girl. "Everything will be okay, baby."

"I'm scared, Mommy…"

I nod and move my hand to stroke her cheek. "Me too. But you know that pinky promise we made, a while ago? The one where Jane promised she'll protect us no matter what?"

"Yeah." 

"That promise still counts. Jane put him in prison, and we're safe from him."

"I know." Abby fumbles with the sheets and averts her gaze. "I'm just scared, is all."

"That's okay." I brush a strand of hair away from her cheek when she turns on her side. "It's only natural. Just-… Just try to get a good night sleep, you might feel better in the morning."

"I-…" she pulls on a loose string on the sleeve of her pajama shirt, looking away from me. "What if I have a nightmare?"

I sigh deeply and know she won't fall asleep on her own tonight. "How about I'll stay?" I whisper softly. "Would that help?"

She nods. "I think so."

"Okay." I smile and stand up to pull the big, old chair out of the corner of her room, sitting down closely next to the bed. It's too early to sleep and my body is still humming with leftover fear and adrenaline, there's no way I can sleep now. I move my hand back to her cheek and continue my hopefully comforting strokes, tracing her freckles with the back of my fingers.

"Mom?"

"Hm?"

"Are you a lesbian?"

"Well…" I sigh and rest my chin on my hand, looking at my sleepy daughter. "I'm not sure. All I know is that I love Jane, and that's all that matters."

"But Jane's a woman, so…" Abby furrows her brow.

"She is. And maybe I am a lesbian, or bisexual, I don't know. I don't think it really matters, do you?"

"What's bisexual?"

"It means that you're attracted to both men and women."

"But you're only attracted to Jane."

"Yes, and that's the only thing that's important." I smile and shift in my seat. "So maybe we'll just say I'm Jane-sexual?"

Abby chuckles. "That doesn't exist, right?"

"No, it doesn't." I laugh and watch the alarm clock on Abby's nightstand. "It's time to sleep, love. You need it."

Abby nods as her eyes close slowly. "I don't care if you're a lesbian," she says softly. "He's just saying stupid things to try to hurt you."

"Yes, he is. And it worked for a little bit, but now the letter is gone and we're going to forget about all this."

"He's stupid."

"So stupid." I continue my slow strokes, hoping to lull my daughter to sleep. Her breathing finally slows down and she whispers a quiet 'goodnight' as I carefully kiss her temple, watching her falling asleep.

She's been sleeping for almost an hour and a half but I can't leave her side. I'm afraid she'll wake up in the middle of a nightmare soon and then I need to be there for her. I listen to her even breaths and watch her sleeping in the dark when the bedroom door slowly opens.

"Maura?" Jane looks through the crack of the door, whispering as quietly as possible to avoid waking Abby. "You okay?"

I nod. "Yes, I'm just-…" I sigh and watch Jane walking into the room. "I can't leave her."

"She's okay, babe," Jane whispers. "She's sleeping."

"She'll have nightmares."

"You'll be just down the hall…"

"No." I shake my head and shift in my seat. "I'm staying with her."

"Okay." She nods and looks around the room. "You want me to go?"

I look up at her and see her looking at me with care and love. I take her hand in mine and squeeze it gently while I shake my head no. "You don't have to."

Jane nods, knowing enough. She knows I don't need space right now and she walks around the room, grabbing a spare blanket and a pillow shaped like a kitten. She gently moves me and unzips my pants, pulling them off before wiggling her in the chair next to me and draping the blankets over our legs, hers clad in grey sweatpants, my skin brushing against her warm body.

We both smile as Jane's arms wrap around my body. "I appreciate this," I whisper against the cotton fabric of her shirt. "Thank you."

"Hm, the bed's not that comfortable without you anyway."

"I doubt it's less comfortable than this chair." I chuckle quietly, shifting in our small space. Our legs are tangled together and I'm slightly on top of her, safe in her arms, my head on her chest, looking at Abby without taking my eyes off her for a minute too long. She's sleeping peacefully, thank God.

"She's okay," Jane whispers, noticing me watching my daughter.

"I know." I shake my head. "I just-… I have to protect her. I don't even know what I have to protect her from but I spent so long having to keep her safe… I don't really know what to do with myself when I don't have to do that anymore."

Jane hums and her lips press against my temple. "I think you're doing enough, Maur. You love her, you love her so much. That's what she needs."

"I do."

"What you two have…" she sighs and moves her hand up and down my side, "it's rare. Your bond is stronger than I've ever seen anyone have before."

"We've been through a lot together."

"A hell of a lot."

"Language-…"

"But you made it through, and here you are. She's okay, you're both safe. I'm here. It's safe to let her go, little by little."

I sigh and close my eyes for a brief second. "I'm stupid for sitting here, aren't I?" I whisper quietly. "She's okay, she's sleeping."

"It's not stupid. As long as you don't make this your permanent sleeping place, I think you're good."

I chuckle softly. "I don't think my back will survive this for more than one night."

"Mine either, even though I'm pretty comfy like this." She nuzzles herself against my hair and pulls me closer. "But y'know, if you have to sleep next to her for a few more nights again, that's fine too."

I nod, remembering the first nights we spent with Jane, how we were both too afraid to let each other go, too afraid to fully trust Jane. So much has happened since then. If there's anyone I fully, completely, one hundred percent trust, it's Jane. "I'm trying to let her go, I really am," I whisper, her soft skin warming me up. "It'll be good for her to have some space."

"Yeah, in time. Maura, it's only been a few months. You've both been through hell, there's no shame in needing each other."

I smile as I listen to her low, raspy whispers in my ear. She makes me feel so comfortable, so loved. She's warm, soft yet so strong. Her arms keep me close to her, and mostly keep me from falling out of this chair that is a bit too small for the both of us. "Jane?"

"Hm?" 

"Thank you."

"Again?" We both chuckle and I wrap my arm tighter around her waist.

"Yes, over and over again." I lift my head and capture her lips in a soft kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiles and threads her fingers in my hair, pulling me closer for another kiss. When we break apart, I snuggle back against her, nuzzling to get as close as I possibly can. As soon as we both get comfortable I close my eyes and finally feel myself relaxing, adrenaline and fear slowly leaving my body. I feel Jane relaxing too and I crack one eye open to look at Abby to check if she's still sleeping. When I see that she is, I close my eyes and sigh contently. We both fall asleep around the same time and despite the slightly painful pressure on my back, I feel safe and loved in Jane's arms.

I wake up a few hours later, but I'm not sure what exactly woke me up. My brow furrows when I hear the sound of stressed breathing close to my ear. It's not Abby, she's still sleeping peacefully, curled up into a ball on her side. When the sleepy fog in my mind clears up, I notice it's Jane who is so tensed. I lift my head from her chest and see her frowning in her sleep, breathing quickly as her hands start clawing at my back.

"Jane," I whisper, untangling my arm around her waist to shake her arm, "wake up, it's just a dream."

"N-no…" she whimpers something I don't understand.

"Jane, babe… Wake up…"

Her eyes open wide and she's panting, looking around the room.

"Hey," I cup her cheek and try to make her look at me. "Hey, love…"

She looks at me and takes a deep, shuttering breath. "Damnit."

"It's okay." I rest my forehead against hers as she closes her eyes. "You're okay, you're safe."

She shakes her head. Her arms wrap even tighter around my upper body and she hides herself into the crook of my neck. "It wasn't me."

"What do you mean?" 

"It was you," she whispers hoarsely. "You and Abs… H-he got you…"

My breath hitches in my throat and I gently lift her chin to look at her. "I'm okay."

She nods.

"Abby's okay-…" I look at my daughter and see her eyes now open, looking at us. "Oh baby, we didn't mean to wake you."

"You okay?" she asks sleepily while she rubs her eyes. "Jane?"

"Yeah-… Yeah I'm okay." She manages a smile and moves a few inches away from me, avoiding being too intimate in front of Abby.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Abby asks, lifting herself up on her elbow.

Jane averts her gaze and nods, she seems ashamed.

"She did," I answer for her. I untangle myself from my girlfriend, shivering when I lose her warmth as I kneel down on the floor next to my daughter. I brush her hair back. "Just like you do sometimes, there's nothing strange about that."

"Was it a bad one?" She looks at me and then back at Jane who is lowering her legs from the chair.

Jane leans forward and rubs her forehead. "Yeah, pretty bad. Not the worst, though."

"What was it about?" 

"Abby honey, I don't think-…"

"About you and your mom." Jane answers before I can finish my sentence.

"Really?" Abby furrows her brow.

"Yeah. H-… Someone got his hands on you both and threatened to hurt you, and there was nothing I could do."

I look at Jane and see pain in her dark eyes. My heart aches for her. This has become her great fear. It's not about her anymore, it's about us now. And even though my heart aches, a part of it lights up knowing how important we are to her.

"Nightmares are the worst," Abby says softly.

"They sure are." Jane rubs her forehead again and leans back into the chair.

I lean forward and press a kiss on my daughter's temple. "Try to go back to sleep, sweetheart."

She nods and my strokes on her forehead quickly lull her back to sleep. I move up and cup Jane's cheek to kiss her forehead. "We should get to bed."

"What about Abby?" 

"She's sleeping," I whisper, looking at her over my shoulder. I smile lovingly before kissing her lips. "She knows where to find me."

"Are you sure? I'm fine here," she takes my hands and squeezes them.

I nod my head. "Yes, my back is already hurting, it'll be worse tomorrow if I get back there." I lift her up by her hands, leading us out of Abby's room and into my bedroom.

I sigh contently when I stretch my aching back and reach out my arms for my lover. "Come here."

She chuckles and slides in next to me, wrapping me up in her arms. "I love you, Maura," she whispers into my hair. "I don't think I even know how much."

"Oh, I have no idea either." I shake my head. "I just keep amazing myself." There's nothing like this feeling. I'm so in love. So, incredibly in love. There's a weight on my heart, the weight of fear and trauma, but my stomach tingles with love. Right now, wrapped in her arms, her lips on my cheek, her soft whispers in my ear, I'm home.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Hmm." I hum contently as my fingers trace random shapes on my lover's chest, her arms wrapped around my upper body, our legs tangled together. We have a free Saturday ahead of us and I feel more relaxed than I have in days. The angst of Abby going to school, the letter we received, letting my daughter go for the first time… It's all finally fading. I know Monday we'll have to endure the same thing again and I have to let her go just like this past week, but I'm more confident. I'm pretty sure my optimism is slightly connected to the mind-blowing climax Jane just gave me, but I don't even care. Right now, life is good.

"What are you smiling at?" Jane asks, her voice husky, her breath still slightly panting.

I lift my head to look at her. "Everything."

"Everything?"

"Yes." 

She smiles and lifts her hand to cup my cheek, using her fingers to caress my hairline. "You look beautiful, did you know that?"

I shake my head, I cup her hand with mine on my cheek and lean down to gently kiss her lips before resting myself back into the crook of her neck. "I should take a shower."

"Nah-ah." Jane squeezes her arms tighter around me. "Stay."

I chuckle. "Okay."

We both hum contently and I trace my fingers up and down the skin on her side, staying quiet in this perfect moment. We stay like this for a few minutes until I feel myself falling back asleep. "Hmm, I have to get up, Jane," I yawn and snuggle myself tight against her before untangling myself. "I have to take a shower."

"No…" Jane whines and tries to pull me back down.

"Jane," I laugh and squirm away, "I need a shower."

"Yeah, you do." She smirks at me, lifting one eyebrow.

"Oh, stop it." I slap her arm and untangle myself completely. She lets me go with a sigh but I lean down to capture her lips in one more slow kiss. "I love you," I whisper against her soft lips.

"I love you too." She smiles at me and I put on my robe before disappearing into the bathroom.

My stomach keeps tingling throughout my shower. I see Jane's shampoo on my rack and chuckle at the memory of how she told me she doesn't like the 'chemical-free stuff' I use. I like hers, it smells like her. I take my time, letting the hot water soothe my tired muscles. She wore me out. Every inch of my body is completely satisfied and it's feels a little like I'm in a dream.

I wash the soap off my body and wrap myself in a soft towel, drying my hair while I try to find something to wear for today. When I enter the bedroom, I see that the bed is empty and I hear the sound of Jane's soft voice coming from down the hall.

"Jane?" I take off the towel and replace it with my robe, furrowing my brow as I follow the sound.

I find her in Abby's bedroom, sitting on her knees on the floor next to my daughter's bed while her hands soothingly comb through the girl's messy hair. "It's okay, Abs," she says softly. "You're okay, we're all okay."

I see Abby nodding and have to keep myself from hurrying over and wrapping her up in my arms. Instead I watch Jane comforting her, and more importantly, Abby allowing Jane to comfort her.

"It was a bad one, huh?" Jane asks and Abby whispers a quiet 'yes'. "Okay, c'mere." She sits down on the edge of the bed and gently pulls the girl's upper body into her lap, wiping the tears off her cheek with the back of her fingers. "Is this okay?"

Abby nods. "Where's Mommy?"

"She's in the shower, you want me to go get her?"

She shakes her head. "'S okay."

I smile and swallow a lump in my throat as I watch my daughter letting someone else in. This is a big step for her, I know it is. So I let it happen, I silently watch, neither of them aware of my presence.

"You wanna tell me what it was about?" Jane asks after a long moment of silence.

"I don't know…" She sighs and wiggles to get comfortable, her head resting in Jane's lap. "Mom was gone."

"Gone where?"

She shrugs. "I don't know." Her bottom lip quivers and Jane combs her fingers through her blond hair. "She was just gone, and I was all alone." A tear trickles into her temple and she pulls her knees up to her stomach. "It was really scary."

"Nightmares have a way of making us live through our worst fears," Jane says quietly. "Your worst fear is losing your mom, isn't it?"

Abby shrugs again. "I think so, maybe." She thinks about it for a while and then nods her head. "Yeah. I was always so scared she wouldn't come back when he locked her in the shed." She wipes her cheeks with her hands. "Once-… Once sh-she was in there for a really long time and I couldn't sleep and my stomach hurt so bad 'cause I was so scared…"

"Those times are gone, baby," Jane whispers. "Your mom is okay, she's never ever gonna leave you."

"I know. I'm just still scared sometimes."

"I know."

"It's because of the letter. It got me all scared again."

Jane nods slowly, her hand rubbing up and down Abby's back.

"He can't come to us, right?" She turns her head and looks up at Jane. She's been asking this for what feels like a hundred times. She needs the reassurance.

"No, baby," she shakes her head, staring lovingly down at my daughter. "He can't, there's no way. Your mom is totally safe, you don't have to be afraid of losing her anymore."

Abby nods slowly. Thick tears well up in her green eyes. "Without Mom-…" she chokes on her tears when she imagines life without her mother.

"Shh, don't think about it," Jane whispers. "Your mom is not going anywhere, I promise."

"I only have my mom, y'know?" she says quietly. "We don't really have any other family or friends…"

"Hey," Jane cups her cheek and gently turns her head, "look at me."

Abby looks up at the brunette with tears in her eyes.

"I'm here," she whispers, wiping a tear with her thumb. "I know I'm technically not family, but I'm never gonna leave you or your mom, okay?"

"Never?"

"Never." 

"So…" Abby sits up a little to be able to look at Jane. "Even if something ever happens to Mom, you'll stay with me?"

"Well…" Jane sighs. "Nothing is going to happen to your mom. But if it does… I don't know what she wants to happen, but I can tell you for sure that I'll be there." She brushes a strand of hair out of Abby's face and smiles. "You think I could ever leave you? I love you way too much for that!"

I silently wipe a tear that trickles down my cheek as I watch Abby giggling when Jane tickles her side. She has never said it out loud before, but I knew Jane loves my daughter. She'd do anything for her and that makes me so happy. I walk into the room and Jane immediately notices me. She kisses the top of Abby's head and points at me. "There she is."

Abby looks up and wipes the leftover tears from her cheeks as she opens her arms for me.

"Hey, you." I smile and wrap her into a hug while she sits up on her knees on the bed. "I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart."

"I know," she mumbles against my shoulder. "That dream just got me all scared."

I squeeze her close to me and kiss the side of her head. "I know, baby." I manage a small smile at Jane over Abby's shoulder and she's looking at Abby with so much love. "Would you really do that?" I whisper quietly. "Take her?"

Jane shrugs and looks down, fumbling with Abby's sheets. "Yeah, of course. I mean-… I don't know if she has godparents or anything-…"

"She doesn't." I shake my head.

"No?" Jane furrows her brow. "I thought everyone did…"

"Well…" I sigh and gently rock Abby from side to side. "She did. It was a mutual friend of him and me. But he got into a fight with her and then she moved to Europe so he went through a lot of trouble to undo that…" I shake my head and feel Abby moving to sit down on the bed, resting sideways against me while I brush my fingers through her hair. "Bottom line, she doesn't have a godparent."

"It would be an honor," Jane whispers. "But this is a big decision, I don't want you to rush it."

"I know." I nod and look down at my daughter who is mostly unaware of our conversation. "And I don't even know for sure if we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, even though I can't imagine my life without you-… But even if-… If we are ever not together, she'd be in a good place with you."

"She would," Jane smiles and looks at Abby. "God, I hope we never get to this point, but if we do," she sighs and looks back up at me, "I'd love her like she's my own."

"I know you will." I smile and lean forward to place a light kiss on her lips.

"Now can we please stop talking about these horrible scenarios?" Jane shivers and stands up from the bed. "God, I can't even take the idea!" She presses her lips against Abby's forehead and then against the corner of my lips. "You're gonna stay with us for at least a hundred years, alright?"

"Well, life expectancy is actually not far above-…"

"She doesn't mean actually a hundred years, Mom!" Abby huffs and sits up on her knees. "Just for a really long time, okay?" She looks into my eyes, pleading. "A really, really long time."

I cup her cheek and stroke my thumb across her freckles. "Yes, a very long time."

"Good." She nods and allows me to pull her in for a hug.

"Alright, now that that's been established," Jane chuckles and squeezes my arm while I sit down on the edge of the bed, "breakfast?"

"Please, I definitely need some coffee."

"Maura Isles, needing coffee?" Jane raises her eyebrows. "Jeez, someone wore her out last night!"

"Jane!" I gasp and slap her leg.

She laughs and lifts her hands. "Okay, okay. Coffee's coming up."

I chuckle and kiss the side of Abby's head. "It makes me very happy to see you opening up to Jane," I say quietly.

"She's nice," Abby replies. "She has nightmares too, so… I don't know, she knows what it's like."

"She does." I nod slowly and rest my chin on top of her head. "And she cares about you a lot."

"I like her." She smiles tiredly and covers up a yawn with her hand. "I hope she never leaves."

I smile to myself as I pull my daughter closer. "She won't," I whisper quietly. I know she won't. For the first time in I can't remember how long, I know I have found someone I'll love for possibly the rest of my life. She'll stay.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N Thank you to everybody that left a review, it means so much to me to read them! This chapter is a bit chaotic maybe, but it's leading up to some bigger things. Let me know what you think!_

Chapter 13

Monday inevitably arrives. The weekend has been a complete bliss. We spent it together, just the three of us. Sunday night it was just Abby and me when Jane left to have dinner with her family, but it was perfect. We played games and talked and I slowly saw the fear in my daughter's eyes disappearing.

Right now however, I need something to do. The days are too long like this. Before everything my days were filled with cleaning up messes and wounds, hiding myself and my bruises from the world. It took a lot of time. But now, there are no messes to clean up. There are no bruises, no wounds to treat, nothing to hide.

I've been carefully browsing job openings in town, but I'm scared. I'm not confident enough to start back as a doctor. I've been out of it for too long and I need more time before I get back into that hectic rhythm. But being at home all day is driving me crazy. Jane is back at work fulltime and I have been reading books all morning, but I'm restless.

I close my book and put it away before combing my fingers through my hair, feeling the walls closing in on me. I stand up and grab my coat. "Come on, Barney," I grab the dog leash from the table, the dog immediately jumping up. "Let's go for a walk."

I have to get out of the house. It's cloudy outside but it's nice. It's not too cold as I lock the door behind me and head down the street, getting my mind off the feeling of loneliness that crept up on me at home.

The streets are mostly empty. People are at work, kids are at school. There are a few people walking their dog, Barney barks at them, we exchange a few polite words but that's all. I wait for Barney to do his business and walk through a small street with cute stores and cafes.

A white piece of paper catches my eye. It's on the door of a kind of pharmacy. They are hiring. My first reaction is to walk on, because I'm afraid. I'm probably not good enough for a job. I can't work with customers like that. No way. I've already taken my first few steps when I stop and shake my head. I can just take a look, what's the harm in that?

I tie Barney to a pole outside, rubbing his head while I tell him to sit and wait, which he does like the well-raised dog he is. A bell rings when I open the door and an older man appears behind the counter. "Good afternoon," he greets me kindly.

"Hello." I nod my head and walk through the aisles. They are an old school kind of pharmacy. Not one of those big corporate ones. I like the calmness in here and nervously walk up to the counter.

"What can I help you with today?" the man smiles and I see a kind sparkle in his eyes.

"Well…" I take a breath and feel my stomach tying in knots. "Uhm…" I want to run away and forget this idea ever came to mind but a part of me knows this would be a good place for me. "I saw you are hiring?"

"Yes! Yes, we are. Are you interested?"

"For now, I think." I smile nervously and I notice my hands fumbling with my keys. "What position?"

"Just a general helper, actually." He shrugs his shoulders. "My wife and I run this place, but her back is getting worse. She can't work here fulltime any longer. I need someone to fill her place. Do you have a background in pharmacy?"

"I used to be a doctor. A trauma surgeon, actually."

The main raises his eyebrows. "Wow. And you're looking for a job here?"

I smile and look down at my feet. "It's a long story."

"I won't ask." He smiles kindly and grabs a piece of paper from underneath the counter. "My name is Arthur, this has all the information about our business. Just come by to drop off your resume sometime this week, and I'll discuss it with my wife. But… I can already tell you you'll have a pretty good chance."

I take the paper from him. "Thank you. I-…" I sigh and shift on my feet. "My name is Maura Isles, I think this would be a good place for me."

Arthur smiles. "You might be right, Maura." He looks behind me when the door opens and a customer enters. "I look forward to hearing from you."

"I'll come by, thank you." I nod my head at the customer and leave the store, taking Barney and walking back feeling strangely proud of myself. The loneliness I just felt is gone, and I feel like I've actually accomplished something. It doesn't even matter how small it is.

When I walk back to the house, I notice Jane's car. I hurry inside and see her standing at the dinner table, taking her laptop out of her bag. "Hi!"

"Jane!" I smile and my stomach tingles, just like every time I see her. "What are you doing here?"

"Want me to leave?" she smirks and purses her lips as I walk up to her.

"God, no." I kiss her gently, my smile widening.

"What's going on with you?" she chuckles and places her hands on my waist. "You look happy."

"Listen-…" I tell her what I just did, smiling uncontrollably. "I don't know if he'll want someone my age, but he was pretty positive."

"He's crazy if he turns you down." Jane smiles and wraps her arms around my upper body. "I'm proud of you." 

"I don't have the job yet." I smile and bury myself against my lover. "I'm going crazy in here, Jane," I whisper quietly. "I need something to do. I need to feel useful again."

"Hmm." She hums and pulls me closer. "You'd be amazing over there." 

"I hope so…"

"You will. I mean, you're a doctor so you literally know everything about medicine. You're kind to people-… You're perfect for this!"

I smile into the crook of her neck, my heart bursting with love at the tone of pride in Jane's voice. "Thank you." My arms pull at her, trying to get closer. I love this woman. So much, it blows my mind. I love her kindness, her temper, her scent, her strength, everything. She's so amazing, so beautiful. I take a deep breath and nuzzle against her. "How come you're home from work so early?"

"Paperwork. I figured I might as well do it here, if that's okay."

"More than okay." I hum contently.

"Hey," she gently pulls back and looks at me, her expression dropping. "I told you I'd look into that letter, right?"

"Yes." My good mood disappears immediately when I remember that awful letter he sent us, that brought me right back to our awful past. "What did you find?"

"Nothing solid, but we know there's a leak within the police department. It has to be."

I furrow my brow. "But… How?"

"Your information is in our system. Someone who works with me could have known we are in a relationship. That, plus a few other technicalities and we knew it has to be someone from the team. They're questioning people as we speak."

"Okay." I nod, unsure of what to do with this information.

"We'll catch this person, I promise."

"I know." I don't want to think about that letter any longer. I try to push the memory away, I want it out of my life. If I could, I would erase all memories of him. I never want to think about him again, I want him gone. Gone out of my life and my mind.

As if Jane senses my reluctance to talk about this subject, she wraps her arms back around me and pulls me close against her. "I think it's time to pick up Abby from school, right?"

I look at my watch, my head resting on the brunette's chest. "In ten minutes."

She chuckles and gently sways me from side to side, her lips pressing against the side of my head. We stay like that for a while until I squeeze my arms around her before letting her go. "Okay, I'm going to pick up Abby."

"You said ten minutes!" Jane whines, pouting slightly.

"I know, but I miss my little girl and I want to see her." I turn around and pull my keys out of my purse.

"She's not gonna be out of school early just because you're there."

"I know," I shake my head and press my lips gently against hers. "I'll wait for her."

Jane chuckles and sits at the dinner table while I put on my coat. "Bye, babe."

I smile at her and hurry towards my car, eager to meet Abby after school. I wait for her, resting against the side of the car, staring at the school where a few kids are making their way home. It takes five minutes longer and I stare at my watch, getting impatient.

"Mom!" A familiar voice calls out and I feel those short arms wrapping around my waist sooner than I can look up.

"Hey, you!" I smile and wrap her up close to me, kissing het strawberry blond hair that is tied up into a ponytail. "Where did you come from?"

"We had gym class on the field over there," she points to her left, resting sideways against me.

"Gym class?"

She nods, looking up at me with a careful smile. "Yeah. It was fun, we played soccer."

"I'm proud of you, my love," I say quietly while pressing my lips against her forehead. I pull back and brush a strand of loose hair behind her ear. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yeah, home! Why are school days so long?"

I chuckle. "You'll get used to it."

"Ugh, I hope so." She gets into the car and throws her bag on the backseat. "Right now I just wanna go home and play with Barney and then eat and then seep."

"Oh, that sounds like a wonderful plan." I start the engine. "Play, eat and sleep it will be."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"Baby? Can I come in?" I carefully open my daughter's bedroom door. "How's it going?"

"Fine." She looks up at me from her bed where she is sitting cross-legged against the wall, a book resting on her legs. "It's not a bad book, it's a little difficult that's all."

"Are you closer to finishing it?"

"Just three more chapters." She rubs her eyes and looks up at me when I sit next to her. "I'm kinda tired of it now, though."

"Why don't you take a break? I have something to tell you…"

"What is it?" she closes the book, looking expectantly at me with those big green eyes.

I sigh and smile nervously. "Well… I haven't told you about it yet because I wasn't sure what would happen… But… starting next week-…" I look at her and notice myself fumbling with my hands, unsure of how she'll react. "I'm going to start working again."

"Really? Back at the hospital?"

"Oh, no. No…" I look down at my lap. "At the pharmacy. A few blocks from here."

"What are you going to do over there?"

"Well, doctors send out recipes for medicine, I make sure people get it. I give them instructions on how to take them, things like that. I'll also be selling drugstore supplies like aspirins, facial care products… I think I even saw some hair products in there."

"That's so cool! You're gonna have like a white coat and you're gonna be selling pills?"

I chuckle. "Yes, there is a white coat involved I believe."

"Awesome!" She smiles broadly and puts her book away, thinking about it when her smile falls. "So… Then you'll be gone all day? Like Jane?"

"No, here's the best part: I'm working half days."

"Really?" Her face lights up and my heart swells with love. I know I made the right decision. She's happy for me, and I don't have to be away from her all day every day.

"The pharmacy is run by Arthur and his wife, Alice. A while ago Alice started having back problems, so she can't stand on her feet all day anymore. She will be busy with accounting and other paperwork in the morning, and she'll be in the store the afternoon. That way, it's easier on her back, and I can work until two instead of nights."

"So you can still pick me up from school and stuff." She looks down at her hands, her expression dropping. "And you'll be home with me at night."

"Yes, I will." I cup her chin to make her look at me. "And there is no shame in that, Abby," I whisper gently. "No shame at all."

"I'm ten, Mom." She looks at me as tears well up in her eyes. "Lots of kids in my class have working parents and they only see them at dinner."

"Well, we're not an ordinary family." I wrap my arm around her shoulders and sit back against the wall, taking place next to her.

Her small fingers are playing with mine on her chest. "Why is school still so hard, Mom?"

"What do you mean?"

She shrugs her shoulders.

"What are the hard parts?" I put my feet up on the bed and stroke her cheek with the back of my fingers.

"I don't know… All of it."

"All of it?"

She shrugs again and a tear trickles down her cheek. "I don't really have any friends yet. They all have their own friends and they are nice to me but-… But I don't really have a friend over there." She averts her gaze and wipes the tears that are now steadily flowing. "I feel alone over there," she whispers. "And-… And-…" her breath hitches in her throat, "and I miss you."

"Oh, my love…"

"At my old school-…, I didn't go that much… Just a few days a week but not every day! I just want you to teach me at home again. Then I don't have to make friends and I don't have to be in classrooms… Then I can just stay home!"

Her head is resting on my chest and I gently rub her back, placing kisses on her head. "Can I tell you a secret?"

She nods her head.

"Some days, I want that too."

"You do?"

"Oh, yes. Just staying home all day, having you with me, teaching you everything I know… Sometimes that seems like such a great idea."

"Then why don't we do that?"

"Because it's not good for us, Abby," I say quietly, looking into her eyes when she lifts her head. "We have to get back into the world. We have to make new friends, learn to meet other people. We can't just stay inside all day."

"But you're my friend. Do I really need more friends?"

"I'm your mother." I smile and wipe a tear from her chin. "And I love you more than I can explain. But you need to be with kids your age. I need to be working, to make my own money, to feel useful again. You need to be in school, to learn about the world, to learn to be with other kids."

Her bottom lip quivers and she nods her head. "I know."

She knows all this. She just didn't know how difficult it would be. "You'll make friends," I pull her back against me. "Just give it time."

"There's this group of girls who are always nice to me," she says quietly. "They asked me to play a game with them today."

"See? That's a good start." We shift to get comfortable and she rests her head on my shoulder. "I love you, sweetheart," I kiss her head and smile when she snuggles closer against me.

"Love you too, Mommy."

I remember all those times I spent with her, hidden in a bedroom, waiting for hell to return. We sat like this, close against each other, shivering, waiting. I spent hours like this, with her in my lap when she was smaller, shielding her when the door opened again, taking the hits instead of her. I'd take the pain for her anytime. I still would. I'd rather take double the pain if it means she won't have to take it.

The sound of my phone buzzing pulls me out of my thoughts. I take the phone out of my pocket and see a picture of Jane smiling at me. "Hi." I answer it with a smile.

"Maur…" her voice sounds muffled, stressed. "Uhm, can you pick me up from the station?"

"Why? What happened?"

"I got into a fight, it's a long story… Can you just pick me up?"

"Yes, yes I'll be right there." I hang up the phone, my brow furrowed. "I need to go get Jane."

"Can I come with you?"

I sigh and hesitate for a moment, but I decide when I look into her pleading eyes. "Yes, only if you promise to read another chapter after dinner."

"Promise." She hops off the bed and we hurry towards the car, my mind working in overdrive.

I push it all away until we arrive at the police station, where Jane is sitting on the steps in front of the entrance, holding an icepack against her cheek.

"Jane! My goodness, what happened?"

"I'll explain later." She stands up, barely looks at me and gets into the car.

"JANE!" I shake my head and run after her, getting into the driver seat and looking at her.

"Can we go?" she points at the steering wheel in front of me.

"No, you are going to tell me what happened."

"I need to get out of here."

"Jane!"

My tone gets het attention and she finally looks at me. Her eyes are red from tears, her lip is swollen and I now notice her knuckles are bruised as she holds the icepack. She looks at Abby in the backseat and rests her head against the headrest. "We found the leak."

"What leak?"

"Someone's been talking. To _him_." She spits out the last word with anger and disgust. "It was Crowe. He's been on the case since the divorce. He-…" she balls her fists, "he's been visiting prison. Talking to him. Crowe let him get into his head, let him persuade him into giving him information."

I close my eyes and feel a burning headache coming up as I try to grasp all of this. He's deliberately trying to get information about us. He's been working on this for a while. And he succeeded, for now. It's easy to connect the dots here. "You hurt him. Crowe"

She swallows and nods her head.

"You hit him. Attacked him."

She rubs her forehead. "I-…"

"Why, Jane?"

"He hurt you! He-… He did this! To you and Abby!"

"So, you used violence for justice?"

"I just lost it, Maura!" Tears are shimmering in her dark eyes when she looks at Abby and back at me. "I couldn't-…" she chokes on her tears, "I just couldn't anymore! I can't stand the idea of you two getting hurt, I-…" She closes her eyes and lowers her head. "You've been getting hurt for such a long time and I couldn't help you then. But now I can. And I want to protect you, at all costs. I just wanted to stop him." She opens her eyes and looks at me, tears falling. "I don't want you to get hurt, Maura. I just want to protect you." She looks behind her at Abby who is staring at us with wide eyes. "This girl," she whispers, "that beautiful, amazing little girl… She deserves better than this. No one should be hurting her. What he did-… he has to pay for it."

A part of me is touched by her protectiveness of us. But the biggest part of me sees the bruises and the cuts and knows the consequences. "He will pay, Jane. Someone will make him pay. Someone else, not you."

"I know." She squeezes her eyes shut. "I know it was stupid."

"What happened after you fought him?" I ask quietly, afraid of the worst.

"They suspended me from duty."

"Jane…" I swallow a lump in my throat. "This is going on your record, this-…"

"Could've cost me my job, I know."

We stay silent for a while, trying to process all of this.

Surprisingly, Abby is the one to break the silence. "What's gonna happen to the man that talked to Da-… him about us?"

"He'll lose his job." Jane turns and looks at Abby, her eyes shimmering with leftover tears and love. "He can't do anything to hurt you anymore."

"But you got suspended…"

Jane nods. "Just for two weeks."

"You did that for us?"

She lowers her head, but nods again. "Yeah, I did."

"Wow… You must really love us a lot…"

She bites her lip and looks up at her, smiling through her tears. "I do," she whispers, her voice high-pitched and hoarse. She looks at me. "A whole, stupid lot."

I gently take her hand in mine, remembering the first time we were together in a car like this. Abby and me in the backseat because we were afraid to even be separated by a car seat back then. I remember looking into her eyes through the rearview mirror, and feeling a strange kind of trust. I immediately knew this woman was special. I had no idea what that meeting would lead to, though. I had no idea I had just met the love of my life and I had even less of an idea of what that woman would do for me. She just risked her job, for us. She lost it, because of how much she cares about us.

I look at her and see brokenness. I squeeze her hand and lift it to kiss her knuckles. "It's only two weeks."

She nods, a small smile curling her lips. "Yeah. I'll use it like a vacation, spend all day with you-…"

"Yeah, you wish!" Abby jumps up in her seat. "You didn't hear? Mommy's got a job!"

"You did?!" She gasps, looking at me with wide eyes. "I knew it! Congrats!" She leans forward and presses her lips against mine, momentarily forgetting about her bruised cheek which makes her pull back almost immediately.

"Shh, be careful." I chuckle and carefully cup her cheek, rubbing my thumb over the bruises. "And thank you. I'm starting next week."

"I knew you'd get it. This is perfect for you."

"I hope so." I smile as I slowly kiss her before pulling away to start the car. "I'm excited to start. Well, nervous mostly. But I know it's excitement underneath."

"Excitement nerves." Abby nods her head, she knows all about it. "It's because we're all starting new times!"

"Exactly," I smile, taking off towards home. "all new times."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

I watch small bubbles rise to the surface of the water in the pan, my eyes staring without seeing anything. The pasta is next to me on the kitchen counter, still untouched. The vegetables uncut, a glass of wine that's gone too quickly.

The shower is running upstairs and I am sure I'm alone in the kitchen but I jump when I hear footsteps directly behind me.

"Didn't mean to scare you," Jane mumbles as she walks past me. "Do you have any ice?" She opens the freezer but I stop her.

"Let me get it." I grab a few ice cubes, put them in a dishcloth and gently place it on her cheek where a bruise is forming due to her fight at work. "It's getting less swollen," I whisper. "That's a good sign."

Jane nods but she avoids eye contact.

"What happened today, Jane?"

"I already told you-…"

"What did Crowe do? What happened that made you do this?" I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and wait for her to speak.

She takes a deep breath and shakes her head. "It's not important."

"Why not?"

She shrugs. "Just… It's not."

"I want to know, Jane."

She lowers the ice and rests back against the counter. "I found out through a report. No one really told me, because I'm not on the case since I'm with you. So…" she sighs deeply. "I read it, and it's like… My mind went blank. There it was, evidence that Crowe had been visiting _him_ … Talking to him and giving him information he should never, ever have. I just stood up and went to find Crowe, I found him in the break room. He was getting his stupid donut." Her hands are fumbling with the cloth. "I-… I lost it. He did this, on purpose, and I asked him why but he didn't even answer me like a normal human being."

"What did he say?"

She shakes her head. "Bad stuff, Maura. He made it personal, said he always knew I was gay, he brought up the God hates homosexuality and we're living in sin shit. He said I-… I was using the poor helpless abused housewife for my own pleasure, that your husband wasn't such a bad person, that I ruined his life-…" Tears of anger fill her eyes and she frantically wipes one that escapes. "I don't even know _why_ he talked to him about you."

I swallow a lump in my throat and look at my feet. "I'm starting to believe men are just pigs like that," I whisper.

"There are good men in the world, Maura," she whispers. "Crowe just isn't one of them. And neither is he."

"I don't understand why," I say quietly. "Why are there people in the world that are just out to hurt others? Why does he do this, with only the purpose to hurt?"

"There are just bad people in the world." Jane shrugs again. "He's one of them."

"You can't let bad people drag you in like that, Jane," I whisper as I look up at her. "You're better than this." I carefully cup her cheek to make her look at me. "Okay, Jane?"

"I know," her voice is strangled with tears. "I'm sorry."

"I know," I repeat quietly as I wrap my arms around her neck.

"I just love you so much, y'know? People hurt you, they hurt me."

I smile against her but at the same time I feel tears burning in my eyes. "I love you too," I whisper quietly. I pull back to press my lips against her non-injured cheek and manage the best smile I can. "Why don't you get some rest?"

"I was just about to." She smiles, kisses my lips and puts the ice back on her cheek.

I nod but I feel the tears burning more and more and my throat closes up. I shake my head to try and get rid of the feeling, turning and seeing the water boiling through my tears. When they start trickling down my cheeks, I turn off the stove and head upstairs. I make sure Jane doesn't see me.

My feelings are in overdrive. I don't even know what kind of feelings. I'm afraid. Afraid that he'll find me after all, that he'll find a way to get back to us. I'm afraid this wonderful life will end one day and we'll have to get back to our old lives. I'm angry, angry at Jane for losing it like that. Angry at bad people like Crowe, angry at everything he said to Jane and everything he did to us. But at the same time, I'm grateful. Grateful for someone like Jane in my life. Someone that loves me so unconditionally, so deeply that she'll risk her job for me. Grateful for the life we have here, for all the blessings we've encountered ever since we left him.

There's a strange mix of feelings weighing on me and I sit on the edge of my bed, trying to catch my breath and stop crying. It's no use. I let out a quiet sob and cover my face with my hands. I stay like that for a while. I let the tears come, I try to stifle the sobs and I hope I succeed. The last thing I need is Jane worrying about me. My head is pounding and my throat is hurting and I see black streaks of mascara on the back of my hand as I wipe my cheek.

"Mommy…" A soft voice catches my attention and I look up to see Abby rushing towards me. "Mommy, what happened?"

"N-nothing," I sob and shake my head, trying to smile through my tears. "It's okay."

"Mom, you're crying." She sits down on the bed and looks intently at me. "Did something happen? Did you get hurt?"

I shake my head again. "No, baby. I'm fine."

"Mommy," her voice is suddenly laced with tears. "I always have to talk to you when I'm crying so now you have to do the same."

The flow of tears increases as I look at my daughter's green eyes that are suddenly filled with concern. I wipe a drop of water from her temple and brush her wet hair back. She's always had trouble with properly drying her hair after a shower.

"I'm scared," I whisper, afraid my fear will only increase hers. "I'm scared he'll find us, even though I know there's no way that's possible. And I'm angry. And sad, and happy at the same time." We both chuckle quietly and I wipe my cheeks again. But Abby is right. I always make her talk to me when she's crying. Because I know it makes her feel better once she gets it all out. And it's the same for me. I'm fairly certain she barely understands half of what I'm saying, but I feel better when I'm finished.

I cup her cheek and stroke across her freckles with my thumb. "Sometimes you just have to cry for a while. But I'll be okay."

Abby nods but averts her gaze. "I just really want you to be happy, Mom."

A sob escapes my lips and I lean forward to kiss her forehead. "I love you so much, baby girl," I pull back and feel her skinny arms wrapping around my neck.

"You too," she mumbles. She stays quiet while I gently rock her from side to side, hugging her tightly against me. After a few moments of silence, she sighs deeply. "I'm afraid too. Sometimes."

"I know." I swallow a lump in my throat. "I think maybe… Maybe we'll always be a little afraid. We'll just have to learn to deal with that."

She nods and rests her head on my shoulder, her arms still wrapped tightly around me. "I don't want him to hurt me again."

"He won't." I gently pull back and cup her chin to look into her eyes. "Look at me, Abby." I meet with shimmering green eyes. "He will never hurt you, ever again. I'll make sure of it." I'd rather give myself to him than to let him hurt Abby ever again. I let it happen for too long already, and guilt is eating my alive. I was unable to protect my daughter from him, I was unable to protect myself. But those times are over. I'm sure of it. I know I'm still afraid and I know I most likely will struggle with this for a long time, if not the rest of my life. But letting him hurt Abby? Never.

"I don't want him to hurt you either, Mom. I want him to stay in prison for the rest of his life."

"He is. He's in prison and he can't hurt us."

"And we have Jane."

"Yes, we have Jane." I smile, a real smile this time. "As we learned today, she'll protect us no matter what."

"Yeah." Abby chuckles and sits back on the bed, shifting to lean against my side. "In a way it's kind of awesome, don't you think? That someone is protecting us like that."

I chuckle. "Well, physical violence will never be awesome in any way, for any reason. But yes, it makes me happy to know that she loves us this much."

"You're right, that fight was pretty bad." She pauses and then purses her lips, thinking deeply about something. "I don't think I could ever hit someone. Like, ever."

"No?"

"No! I mean, when you know how bad that feels, I can't imagine doing that to someone else."

Fresh tears burn in my eyes as I pull my daughter close. I remember the times he lost in on her, the times I failed to protect her. That one time she came running to me as soon as I arrived home, her lip bleeding. The night I spent in her bed, soothing her, while we waited for him to wake up. She's right. Once you know how violence can rip you apart, I believe it's impossible to do that to someone else. "I can't either," I whisper to her.

"Do you think Jane's ever been hit before?"

"Yes, she has. Not like us, but yes."

Abby stays silent and looks at her hands in her lap. "It's crazy how many people get hurt like that."

"The world is broken," I rest my chin on top of her head. "Everyone carries their own pain."

Abby hums and snuggles closer against me. We stay silent for a while until I hear footsteps heading our way and we look up to see Jane standing in the doorway, her hand raised to knock on the open door.

"Maura…" she immediately notices my tear-stained face and hesitates for a while. "Maur, I'm so sorry-…"

"It's not your fault." I smile at her. "I'm okay."

"Did I do this? Babe, I didn't mean to… What's going on?"

"I'm okay, Jane. I promise."

She nods and swallows a lump in her throat before walking towards us and gently cupping Abby's cheek to look at her. "Abs?"

"We're okay." She smiles at Jane and untangles herself from me. "Sometimes you just gotta cry, you know? And afterwards you feel a whole lot better."

"You're a smart kid, did you know that?" She sits down on the bed and wraps Abby up in her arms, looking at me over the girl's head. "Your mom's a lucky woman with you."

"She knows that." Abby smirks against Jane.

I chuckle and wipe away the last of my tears. "I'm fully away of how lucky I am." I reach out my hand to grab hers, squeezing it lovingly. "With both of you."

She presses her lips against my knuckles and pulls Abby against her. "So, there's a pan on the stove with cold water, there are some vegetables and other things I'd never eat in a million years, what about that?" 

"I was making dinner," I laugh and shake my head.

"Yeah, why are we having dinner so late, Mom?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Can't a woman have a mental breakdown every now and then?" I mockingly throw my head back and give both of my loves a kiss. "Dinner is coming up."

 _A/N So sorry for the late updates! Please, remember to be kind. I write in my free time, which I don't have a lot. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I have a few more things lined up although I don't know when I'll be able to upload them. Thank you so much for staying with me, I appreciate every single one of you and I love to hear what you think!_


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N Happy new year to you all! I hope you like this chapter, leave a review if you'd like. I love to read what you think._

Chapter 16

I did it, my first day at work. It's been a while since I've been so nervous, but I did it. I'm walking home and it's raining but I don't even feel it. It was a good day. I've been learning about the system, the procedures, everything there is to know. My head is so full it's about to burst but I'm happy.

When I arrive home, I'm surprised to see Jane's car in front of the house. I open the front door and see Jane sitting on the edge of the couch, holding a glass of water in her hand while she rubs Abby's back.

"Abby?" I close the door behind me and furrow my brow, throwing my purse on the table and hurrying towards my daughter. "What's going on?"

Her face is pale and she has tears in her eyes. "I got sick," she says through her tears. "At school."

"My love…" I sit down when Jane stands up for me and cup Abby's face in my hands. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I told my teacher to call Jane 'cause you had your first day at work."

"Oh, baby," I whisper as I pull her against me. "You could've called me." 

She just shrugs and sits up to hide herself against me, my arms immediately wrapping around her. "What happened?" I look over the girl's head at Jane who moves to grab the blanket off the floor that just fell down.

"She called after she vomited, she's been having a stomach ache all day."

I sigh and close my eyes. The first day I go back to work, and my daughter needed me. A gnawing feeling of guilt immediately stings my stomach. "I'm so sorry, baby," I whisper as I gently pull Abby close. "I'll call in sick tomorrow, I'm so sorry I wasn't here-…" Tears burn in my eyes and I shake my head. "It was a mistake. It was all a mistake."

"Maura," Jane kneels down in front of the couch and places her hand on my knee. "None of this is a mistake, babe."

"She's sick, and I wasn't there." I shake my head and feel Abby moving in my arms, snuggling tighter against me.

"She's gonna be okay, it's probably just a flu."

"I know, that's not it…" I choke on my tears and gently move Abby away from my arms to make her lie back down, grabbing the blanket and draping it over her legs. I tuck her in and brush a strand of hair away from her sweaty forehead, continuing gentle movements until her eyes close and her breathing slows.

"I've always been with her when she was sick. Ever since she was a baby," my voice is a quiet whisper as I stroke my daughter's pale cheek with the back of my hand. "She got an ear infection when she was just a few months old and I spent day and night by her side. When she was six and she got the chicken pox we spent all day in bed together. I've been with her during every flu, every stomach ache-…" I lower my head and stop my movements on Abby's cheek. "I shouldn't have taken the job."

"Maur," Jane's hand touches my cheek and I look at her, tears trickling down my cheek. "I know this is hard, I mean I can't even imagine… But you can't put your entire life on hold."

"I'd do it for her," I whisper.

"I know. I know you'd do anything for her." 

"Anything."

"But you're here too, Maura. You deserve a life too." She smiles lovingly and takes my hands in hers. "How was your first day?"

I sigh and look up to try and stop tears from blurring my vision. "It was-… I don't know, I just wish I'd been home when she called."

"Besides that. How was it?"

"It-… It was good." I look into those dark eyes that make my stomach tingle and manage a smile. "It's a lot to process but it was a good day."

Jane smiles. "You like it there, don't you?"

I nod, but a sense guilt makes my smile disappear. "I do. The people are nice, I like working with customers, I like being back into medicine, even if it's not in a hospital."

"See? It's a good job for you."

"Being a mother is a more important job," I whisper as I look back at Abby.

"This doesn't make you a bad mother, Maura. You're here now, aren't you? I was here the past two hours, and you're here now. Trust me, I took good care of her."

"I know you did." I can't look at her and just focus on our hands. "I don't know why this is so difficult for me."

"I do." She lifts herself up and sits down on the couch next to me, carefully avoiding Abby's legs. "You're taking big steps, huge even. And that's a good thing. But every now and then, you gotta take a step back. This is just a hard part. We'll get through it."

I nod and lean forward to hide myself into the crook of her neck, feeling her strong arms wrapping around my upper body. "It's separation anxiety. Common after severe trauma. Difficult to get rid of."

"Oh, you've already diagnosed yourself?" Jane chuckles and her lips press against the side of my head.

"It calms me down."

"I know. She has it too."

I sigh and turn to look at my daughter, feeling my girlfriend's arms wrapping around me from behind. "I think we reinforce each other in it. Was she okay when you picked her up?"

When Jane hesitates I already know the answer. I turn to look at the brunette behind me. "Not really, no. But I mean, she had just puked in the school toilets like, three times."

"Besides that."

Jane sighs. "She told the teacher to call me instead of you, so that's a good thing. But when I got there she had vomited more and her fever was rising… She wanted you."

"But I wasn't there."

"No, and I told her that. I told her you were at work and you'd be home in two hours and that she needed to let you stay at your job. And she understood. I was allowed to help her change into her pajamas, she calmed down and held her just like you always do. Which is why my jacket now smells like puke."

I can't help but chuckle quietly. "I guess this is good for her. For us."

"It is." Jane nods and gently touches my cheek, wiping a few last tears. "It's all part of the healing process. Healing-… I mean, not that you're broken or anything. Or sick. I just mean you've been through a lot and-…"

I silence her by pressing my lips against hers, the touch sending a spark through my entire body. I missed her too while I was working. Kissing her makes me feel a little more at ease. Her lips on mine, her warmth against me calms me down. We break apart and rest our foreheads together, looking deeply into each other's eyes.

"What was that for?"

I shrug my shoulders. "Because I love you. And because you took care of Abby. And you take care of me."

"Hey, that's what I'm for." Jane smirks and captures my lips again, this time in a quick and sweet kiss that leaves me wanting more.

"Oh, you're so much more than that, Jane." I pull myself closer to her and kiss her until I feel Abby moving beside me.

I pull away and see her slowly opening her eyes, her brow furrowed in discomfort. "What is it, baby?"

"Hurts-… Stomach-…" She groans and turns on her side, reaching out her arm to the floor.

Jane immediately jumps up and grabs a plastic bucket from under the couch, holding it out for Abby who is now sitting on the edge of the couch and heaving heavily.

"Shh, let it go, deep breaths…" I rub my hand up and down my daughter's back and wait for her to turn her already empty stomach. There's nothing left, but she keeps on heaving. "Calm down, honey."

Tears trickle down her freckled cheeks when she finally takes a deep breath and slumps sideways against me, leftover mucus, drool and tears staining my blouse. I don't even notice it as I gently rock her from side to side, kissing the top of her head. I forgot how much I hate this. Every tear she sheds is like a sting in my heart.

"Here, baby." Jane offers a glass of water. "Just rinse, don't swallow okay?"

She rinses her mouth, spits in the bucket and hiccups a few times as she wipes her tears. "I feel so bad, Mommy."

"I know, my love. I wish I could make it better." I brush her hair back and rearrange a few pillows against the armrest of the couch. "Come here," I move the both of us and take her in my arms, sitting against the armrest of the couch, my legs stretched out in front of me and Abby in between them. She snuggles sideways into my chest and pulls the blanket higher around herself.

I hear Jane moving around the bathroom, clearing away my daughter's vomit. I realize I freaked out for no reason. Jane loves Abby. She takes amazing care of her. Once again, I am overwhelmed by love and gratitude. Gratitude to have found someone that not only loves me unconditionally, but loves my daughter as well. Someone that takes her puke, cleans her up and dries her tears.

After a while, Jane enters the room again with a clean bucket and a washcloth which she uses to gently wipe the sweat of Abby's face. She kneels beside us and daps at the girl's hairline, smiling lovingly when her eyes open.

I swallow a lump in my throat as I witness it. There's so much care in her actions, so much love in her eyes. She wipes Abby's nose and the corners of her mouth, puts the cloth away and leans forward to press her lips against her temple. "You're gonna be okay, kiddo. I know it."

Abby nods slightly and reaches out her arm to try and give Jane a hug, but Jane stops her. "Don't get your stomach upset again, peanut." She smiles and sits down on the edge of the couch, carefully wrapping her arms around the small girl. "Can I get you something?" she whispers. "Another blanket, sweater, anything?"

"No, I'm good." Abby answers as they break the embrace. She snuggles back against me and sighs deeply. "Mom?"

"Hm?"

"Are you going back to work tomorrow?"

I blink to avoid tears. "I-… I don't know…"

"She is," Jane answers for me. "You can't really call in sick on your second day of work, don't you think? I'll stay home tomorrow morning, so you won't be alone. Then when your mom comes home, I can go to work."

"You'd do that?" I ask quietly, my heart breaking for my little girl.

"Of course." She shrugs and stands up from the couch. "That's what family does."

"Is that okay, Abby?" I ask, lowering my head to rest my cheek against her temple.

Abby nods. "Yeah, that's okay. You'll be home after lunch?" Her smaller arms wrap around mine on her stomach, expressing her anxiety and need for her mother.

"Yes. Maybe even before."

"Okay." She nods and rests her head back, relaxing her aching body.

"Good." Jane smiles and leans down to press her lips against mine, cupping my cheek. "This is good."

"I know."

"Abs, are you sure you don't need anything?"

"Well maybe my pink warm socks? I'm still cold…"

"Warm socks and a hot water bottle, coming up." Jane hurries upstairs and I wrap my arms tighter around my daughter.

We stay silent for a while, Abby probably dozing off to sleep while I try to process my feelings and make sense of it all. Maybe this time, it doesn't make sense. And maybe for now, it's supposed to not make sense. All I know is that I have never felt more love in my entire life, for these two people I am so fortunate to have closed in my heart. This love is something different. The love of two people that have found each other, fell in love and will never let go of each other. The love of a mother for her child, the most powerful thing in the entire world. It's making my heart burst and maybe it's even slowly healing my wounds.


End file.
